How can I help my sister get away from her abusive boyfriend?This is very serious and long?
My sister has been with this man or should I say boy for 2yrs or so,they have a beautiful little girl,her boyfriend already has one kid from a previous relationship of 5yrs before he met my sis,now to make this short his baby's mother literally lives right down the street from them,as with every relationship I understand they go through arguments,but my sister bf just takes it to another level,he has busted her lip pull a knife out on her,cut the palm of her while blocking and he then have the nerve to say sorry,he has locked her up in a basement tied up and all while she was pregnant and just this past weekend on Friday I witnessed his temper and his abuse myself,after my sister finding a phone number that he had 3 weeks ago,she wanted me to call the girl's number from my cell,while my sister's bf was sleeping in the other room,after finding out that he had met this girl at her place of work last Monday and that they hung out for the night,my sister of course was furious, her bf who we thought was asleep over heard what we had found out, automatically they started to argue,I then went to the other room where my niece was cause she was crying to calm her,then I hear something slamming and I came out to see him in front of my sister face looking like he wanted to hit her so I said your not gonna do this in front of me and get away with it,so he went into the room and took out a long knife and charge at me,at this point I'm trying not to show any fear but hoping my sister would say or do something,so she finally yelled out for him to stop,then he got in her face with the knife while carrying her daughter,What can I do as a sister?When my sister doesn't see how dangerous he really is,it's like she does but doesn't take him serious,I have offer for her and my niece to move in with me and she would agree but never falls through with it,I don't wanna call CPS cause they can complicate things by taking her child away and involve unnecessary bull-sh*t.How can I convince her and help her make a solid plan on leaving him, she already has told that she isn't happy at all with him but does not know where to start to move on away from him she is only 22 and he's like almost 30 he's too damn grown to be acting this way.Please help with sincere advices
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Call a women's shelter in your area. They can help her make a safe plan to leave. Have you considered filing a police report yourself? Because you are a witness, I think they'd be able to file assault charges against him, then she could get a restraining order against him. It's not too late.In fact, I think that's assault with a deadly weapon and I think it's a felony. He might do real jail time for that. I have some experience with a physically abusive man, and I want to say that this man sounds EXTREMELY dangerous to me. I fear for your sister's life and her baby's. Locking her up, assaulting her with a weapon, these are farther than most wife beaters go. Please get her in touch with the shelter, they will be best at putting this in perspective for her. My thoughts are with you.
- 1 decade ago
There is always 2 sides to a story like this. From what i have read , your sister knows how you feel about this. I don't care if he would be 16, he has no right to cause the problems you have described . Your sister is at fault also for allowing this to continue. Is she waiting for someone to get seriously hurt. This man has a problem with anger and control. He has no respect for the safety of that child either. Issues like this , are cases you see on the news when one person is killed..If your sister is not a threat to her child, CPS isn't going to take the child away. Your sister needs to get him arrested next time. And then a court order to keep him away from her. Some women and men like this kind of drama in their life's and don't make the changes in their life to get away from this problem.. You can make the move also , next time he cause a threat to anyone if you are present, call the police. This is serious and should be taken care of before someone is killed
- U_S_S_EnterpriseLv 71 decade ago
Regardless of whether you want to call or not - you may need to.
What you describe is not merely abuse, but domestic violence.
Your sister should take steps, to protect herself and her child (the child should be her first priority, and then herself, as she needs to take care of the child).
Problem is if she doesn`t see it - it might be she blames herself for his behaviour (not that uncommon) - you have no real options.
See if you can seriously talk to your sister, explain what you can see. Keep the emotional levels low -be factual and be to the point. Emotions and accusations will only backfire, so stay calm.
Make sure that you feel the child is in danger because of him and his behavior, and that you are considering calling in outside help (child protection services or the police) - because basically the childs safety is THE most important thing.
- Nena SLv 61 decade ago
Sorry to hear about this. I agree with Ouragon's answer...This is definitively NOT good and it is just a matter of time before this idiot does something even worse...!
The authorities should be called in. Both your sister and the little girl are in emotional and physical danger. You shouldn't wait around anymore. Talk to your family about this, and do something...!
Your sister, sorry to say, is either very stupid, or very immature...not to mention irresponsible. She may choose to be harmed by this husband of hers if she wishes; it's her life, after all. BUT she cannot and should not be allowed to endanger her baby's well-being !!!
She sounds like she is a codependant....And if she keeps on waiting for things to get better, she may actually end up either in a hospital...or in a morgue! You cannot convince her to leave him if she doesn't want to see what is in front of her eyes..but you CAN and SHOULD look out after the little girl. She needs to be protected.
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- 1 decade ago
Women who won't get out of abusive relationships are in a form of addiction in the sense that they can be as hard (for others) to understand as alcoholics and drug addicts.
She needs some form of rehab to break her from being attracted to these losers.
Unfortunately, there is no "loser" anonymous, but I would guess there are support groups that could help. She needs to get with other women who have/are recovering from this obsession with jerks.
Mildred sent me
- Anonymous1 decade ago
call the police when it is happening and then stay out of it.