Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

RANT: ladies that are pregnant with their first baby....a bit long sorry?

ok i need to have a bit of a rant/vent of anger.

im 39 weeks pregnant with my first (baby boy) and my partner and i are very excited and very happy to be having him. my problem is people that have had children before (auntys, mother, friends...etc) making it all so negitive, its really bringing me down, they dont meen to offend me but tonight i got really upset as my aunty said "aww you dont know what your in for..no sleep for you anymore hahaha no night life, no going out, its all nappies and crying from now on hahaha" i got so mad!! i hardly ever went out in the 1st place! im so sick of being treated like an idiot and like im going to fail as a mother and like i dont know anything about children or parenthood and people laughing like its such a big joke that im having a baby.. does anyone else get this? or is it just my crappy unsupportive family?

i love my baby so much and i KNOW i will be a good mother im just so SICK of people making jokes and laughing (they dont know it upsets me and dont meen to but its not the point!) anyone else feel like me..??

Update:

THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU!!!! i feel so much better now knowing that im not the only one with inconciderate "loved ones"... i will just brush off the ignorant comments and focus on the perfect little angel i am about to have!! THANKS AGAIN and good luck to you all!!!

19 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think its so rude, we have enough to consider on our own, do they think negative comments help in anyway? Obviously I understand just how you feel Ill be 24 in a month and this is my first baby and Im already terrified the last thing I need is someone telling how long my breasts will be after breastfeeding and so on. If one more person touches my belly and says any random comment ie "you're in for it" I'm gonna slap them across the face with my week by week pregnancy calendar.

    Source(s): hormone surges
  • 1 decade ago

    Hey, I feel for you. Sometimes older generations can be a little cruel with comments, though I don't think they mean to be rude about it. And I think you'll find it's not just your family, mothers, grandmothers, aunts etc all over the world love to give advice even when you don't want it.

    When I had my first everyone kept saying that I should have a routine, not feed on demand, double checking everything I did when they came around. It made me feel like a failure as a mum, even though I knew I was doing everything in the best interest of my child.

    Times have changed since they had kids, and sometimes you just have to politely remind them of that.

    If that fails, do what I did. I stuck a sticker on a jar saying "SUGGESTIONS" and left a pen and notepad beside it and they were allowed to write down their thoughts on how I could be a better mum. I was quite specific that they were not allowed to give me suggestions verbally as I might have been too tired to remember. When the jar had a few in it, I got everyone around for a bbq and empty the jar onto the bbq. Okay, a couple of people got a little offended, but they got the message.

    Good luck, you will do a fantastic job as a mum. Just remember not to compare yourself to other mums ... most lie when they tell you their child sleeps through the night! ;)

    Source(s): mum of 1 gorgeous boy with another bub on the way ... I survived family advice! lol
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I know exactly how you feel.

    People tell me all those sorts of things too.

    "You've got no idea", "Your social life is over", etc...

    It really gets to me because I do know what I'm doing.

    I moved in with my sister (13 years older than me) after she had her first because she wasn't coping and had post-natal depression.

    I helped her out a lot and when she had her second I was there for her again.

    I've also recently gotten my certificate 3 in children's services, which focussed a lot on the development of children from birth - school age.

    I'm qualified to work with children, yet people think I can't do it.

    But what's really getting to me now is the comments I get from people about how I look.

    I'm only 26 weeks, but I look a lot further along, so when people ask when I'm due I tell them Aprill 22nd... then I get the belly stares and "are you sure?".

    Yesterday a lady that was serving me at the grocery store told me I was wrong about my due date, after she frowned and shook her head at me.

    I know when I'm due because I stopped taking the pill to have this baby.

    I think this kind of thing happens to everybody, because people are just plain insensitive.

    It may be hard, but try not to let it get to you. Smile and say "we'll see about that" when they make stupid comments, I know it's worked a few times for me.

    Good luck and congratulations.

    -I just read what someone else said about the "horror birth stories". I certainly know about those...

    I'm scared enough as it is without those stories.

    I'm sure that everyone that has told me their birth story failed to mention anything good. It was all the bad stuff.

    We don't need to hear that in my opinion.

  • 1 decade ago

    don't let them scare you. its not that bad but its not that easy at first. once you get on a schedule with the baby and learn his cries it becomes easier. the rewards of his first smile, his first steps are worth not sleeping all night long. there will be family that will watch him if you want a night out. however you don't feel like going out anytime soon after the baby is born anyway. one good investment is the baby monitor. plus you end up getting the mommy ears.(where you hear ever noise the baby makes) even though no one else can hear it. Its a day by day, learning as you go kind of thing. there will be those days where you need a break though. just take a deep breath and think possitive. good luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    Ohhh my god! I know better than anyone about the **** that you get. I just turned 17 (16 when I got prego) and I'm 8 months pregnant.

    Not only did I get crap from ALL my classmates calling me a slut and everything else (a girl even threatened to kill my baby), I get crap from my dad too. He's an alcoholic and when he drinks he always tells me thay I am going to be a bad mom.

    Everyone always tells me that my life is over, but honestly.. They are so wrong. Its called a baby sitter. If you want to go to the movies or out to dinner for a night, its possible to do so!

    If it upsets you, tell them. I always have people putting negative input. "You haven't gotten stretch marks?! You'll get them just wait"..

    "Sleep in while you can because you'll be up all night and look like an old hag from not sleeping"

    Blah blah blah.

    Get mad. It will only stop that way

    Source(s): 17 and 8 months pregnant with baby girl
  • 4 years ago

    Very good! Have a star. Here's one... *New Rule*:Less than 1% of the population needs to be on the cell phone at any time. You act like you are having an important conversation when everyone knows you are wrapped up in a fantasy where you matter. Think I'm wrong? What were your last 3 calls about?

  • 1 decade ago

    I got the same thing when I had my first daughter almost 17 years ago!

    Now I'm doing it for the 4th time at 37 and people are saying "ARE YOU CRAZY? You want to do THAT again? Diapers, sleep deprivation, potty training!" My mom actually made a comment about me breast feeding saying "well, I guess you can decide whether or not you want to go through that mess again later". I didn't know what the hell she was talking about. People tend to want to make their problems with an issue yours.

    No matter what you do, when you do it people will have an opinion. They always know something you don't know. Blow them off.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well don't worry, i'm in the same position, according to my Grandmother, i won't be able to cope with a baby. I told her we got a pet rabbit, as i'm in the house all the time and she said " how the hell are you gonna cope with a baby and a rabbit" now come on, a rabbit isn't exactly hard to look after so what was she really meaning by that?

    My mother and father and everyone keep having digs too, saying i'm not independant enough to look after my baby, i was like well how aren't i? i've got enough money, got my own house, sorting my own benefits out for when the babys born, buying my own babies things, not asking for help or anything. They're also saying that i won't be able to go out at the weekend and get wrecked, nor would i be able to go out with friends or do normal things, i never did go out in the first place to wrecked, before i fell pregnant i hadn't been out drinking in a club or pub for a year, i go out with friends like once a week if you're lucky but i haven't been out in a long time, i do put my priorities first, not my friends but i still feel angered that they think i can't do this.

    It just makes me stronger though, i won't be asking none of them for help or asking them for anything at all. Nor will i be asking none of them to babysit one weekend if i decide to get a break as i know i won't hear the last of it.

  • KC
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Hello hunny, I know where you're coming from. What makes it worse though, is all my "advice" is coming from people who haven't even had children! When I tell them i'm going to breastfeed they say "that's gross, why are you doing that?", when I say i'd like to try and co-sleep I get "that's a stupid idea, you should put her in her cot and she'll sleep better".... er how do you know?! My baby's father recently split with me after two and a half years, so i've had to make major adjustments as to what will be happening now in the future (e.g. won't be moving in together etc.). So I was/am absolutely heartbroken. My lovely aunt's response? "Oh she needs to learn how to grow up, she should've got an abortion". Needless to say, she will be having no contact with me or my daughter.

    Chin up hun, don't listen to them... YOU know you'll make an amazing mummy :) your little boy is due 4 days before my daughter! Best of luck to you xx

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    People can be so thoughtless. What I hated the most were the people who insisted on giving me blow by blow accounts of their/or a friends horrific births! As if you aren't worried enough! It's not just your family I'm afraid it's everyone's family or friends the world over.

    Try not to let it get you down just concentrate on the fact that any day now you are going to have a beautiful new baby to love and to cherish and to hell with the misery makers. Or if you are feeling strong challenge them to admit that they adore their children and wouldn't have had it any other way.

    It's just a sad fact of life that people are so negative about things in every walk of life.

    Good luck with the last few days of pregnancy and the next few years of complete and utter joy:-)

    ps I LOVE eenimeens suggestion jar idea CLASSIC!!!!

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