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Help understanding myself psychologically?

Hi. Around a year ago (I had just turned 16) I became very sick and had to stop going to school for quite awhile. I was hurt physically by bad backpain, aushgoodschlaughers in my knee (no doubt I mispelled that), and bad pain in my wrist, so I was not able to move around. Because of my back pain I was unable to get more than 1 hour a day of sleep for around a week until I was able to go see a chiropractor after spring vacation ended and then I got marginally better so that I could get a tolerable amount of sleep. Being awake so long caused my eyes to get very irritated and soon they got infected and I was unable to wear my contacts ( I didn't have glasses then).

Well anyways all of this in combination left me basically immobilized on my couch, in a considerable amount of pain, with blurry vision, little energy, and my head was all messed up from the lack of sleep. Being in this state made me feel like I was going to die at any moment and brought up one of my biggest fears, fear of dying, which left me very depressed. For weeks I just lay there slowly recovering, but all the while depressed to the point of tears, and I was never able to really catch up on my sleep during that time so somewhat deranged as well.

Well anyways I eventually began to catch up on my sleep and my mind began to function better. I was able to realize that I had convinced myself into thinking death was some sort of horrible thing because I had feared it was true and in the process cured myself of my fear of death. Coming away from that experience also gave me a better understanding of what I felt was important in life and what I wanted to accomplish.

But this experiece changed me in other ways that I dont understand and it left me different from other kids my age, more mature and grown up I would speculate.

Do any of you know how this might have changed me psychologically with the information i provided you or how people change when confronted with what they feel was a near death experience?

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  • 1 decade ago
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    First, it's worth noting that your reflection on this is a great step in the right direction.

    You can investigate your mind and help yourself deal with suffering by meditation.

    meditation isn't some new-agey la-la-land thing, it is scientifically proven to have positive effects on the mind:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A430...

    [you can google on "effects of meditation study" or similar for a lot of results.]

    Meditation has also been used as an element of treatment for people with injuries, chronic or terminal illness, or grief and depression.

    But it can also be used as a way to gain insight and learn about yourself, how your mind works, and why you suffer -- both in the moment and in general. Look here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassan%C4%81

    As fair warning, it's not a magic pill that will transform you instantly or give you superpowers. It takes commitment. And you also have to deal with the notion that it's a tool you use to help yourself. No extra-dimensional beings are going to come do it for you. You have to put thought and effort into it. But you seem like a person who is deep enough and interested enough to do it.

    Go here: http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma9/dharmatalks.ht...

    Listen to the ones titled "The Path is Not The Goal" And "Why Meditate". You'll like this guy.

    Go here: http://amberstar.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=1732... and listen to this talk on fear by meditation teacher Gil Fronsdal.

    Go here:

    These are podcasts you can subscribe to.

    Go Here:

    http://www.audiodharma.org/ and just play around on the site. There are also podcasts and talks.

    Yes, a lot of this stuff is Buddhist, but you don't have to become a Buddhist or give up any religious beliefs to benefit from Buddhist principles. Buddhism is rooted in practicality: how do we deal with these REAL things that are happening NOW?

    What's more, the questions and thoughts you have expressed here are EXACTLY the questions meditation practices as a whole are intended to address.

    Have fun, & I hope you feel better ...

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  • 1 decade ago

    It really doesn't sound as thought you have had a "near death" experience. I have Osgood Slaughter's. It's just something you learn to live with. It gets better the older you get. You were just a little depressed. Like the other person said, stop overthinking things. Go out and live.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I cant really say how you are changed, but my partner has had two life threatening illnesses and it means he grabs life with both hands and doesn't mess around.

    We got together because he took a gamble and came half way round the world to be with me - we had dated for a time when I had been in his country, but neither of us had thought of it as a possible long term thing - but when he realised being without me was making him unhappy he chose to change things rather than thinking "what if"

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  • 1 decade ago

    I used to be afraid of death too until I read this book:

    http://www.amazon.com/We-Dont-Die-Andersons-Conver...

    It changed my life and help me put into perspective why we are here and what is important in life - just like your experience did! Don't question what happened to you - look at it like a gift. Your experience taught you a lot about life in a relatively short amount of time. To learn what is important at such a young age means your life will be so much more meaningful. Enjoy!

    To read about how others have been affected by their near death experiences, check out this website:

    http://www.near-death.com/

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    All u have said is the result of over thinking. Stop it ,keep yourself busy, have sound sleep. The rest will be all ok.

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