Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

still looking for the best answer to this (LONG)?

okay. i've been talking to a guy named jared. i met jared a few years ago at a party.. we became friends from that and he took care of me while i was drunk at a party a few weeks later. we started to sorta like each other after that but it just fell apart.. about 2 years went by since we talked, and he randomly left me a picture comment on myspace a few weeks ago..we started kinda talking again from that and on christmas day it started getting serious.. we were having deep conversations throughout the night & just getting closer.. we started hanging out a little and we had our first kiss on new years eve. everything seemed to be going great. he started doing all the sweet stuff and we started talking about having a relationship. jared always seemed like the sweet sensitive understanding type (you know, the kind of guy that actually has feelings) and i was really not skeptic about him, i was almost sure that this was the start of something real.. i had no doubts about him. well, last night we were supposed to hang out but we wound up going with our friends.. i texted him twice last night but he never answered me (which i could understand because i figured he was busy or maybe drunk or not by his phone) .. so this morning he called me and everything seemed fine.. he asked me what i was doing tonight and the regular normal talk we'd always have.. and it eventually turned into "i kinda have something to tell you".. so he told me that he had a bunch of people at his house lastnight and they all got drunk and him and this girl i know (a friend of mine) named dominic slept in the sam bed together.. he told me they didn't mess around and it was nothing..i asked if they cuddled and he said yeah.. i asked if they kissed and they said yeah.. i couldn't get that mad because me and jared don't actually have the whole "girlfriend/boyfriend title" yet, but i did act a little annoyed.. i wasn't really mad about it until i started asking him if he liked her.. things turned from "it was just a drunk night to him not sure who he wants to choose".. it started to hurt my feelings and i told him i'd just text him bc i had to leave.. so this is the text i sent him "jared. just tell me whats going on. if that was just a little drunk stupid thing i can understand and ill forgive you but i cant talk to you anymore if you don't know what you want. you assured me that you really liked me and that you wouldnt put me through the bullshit and i believed you but if it's a tough choice between me and dominic than shes all yours i wont settle for being an option"... so he never replied and he called me and we talked about it more but the conversation went nowhere.. he told me that dominic later found out that me and him had something going on so i guess she stepped back.. he then told me that he was going to take a shower and hed call me after, and i was like okay if you want.. and he was like yeah i do want to but hours passed and he never called.. i texted him and i was like "so i guess you took your pick" and he said "what are you talking about" and i said "nun" and he said "umm okay" and i said "you know what im talking about" and that was it.. i haven't talked to him since.. i got on myspace and changed my default pic (which was a picture of me and him) and when i got back on later he changed his too (which was the same picture). and he went out to the hangar tonight (the hangar is a club) .. i want us to work this out.. he was so great.. i'm so hurt over this not only because i wanna be with him but because this happens to me so much you'd think it's a joke. do i have bad luck or is it me thats doing something wrong? i'm sweet, easy to get along with, classy, not bad looking, and i'm not obsessive.. when guys break your heart over and over again you begin to wonder what area you need to change in.. it's like my most unsolved mystery..

but i just want him to call me.. should i text him and say ANYTHING else? what should I do on MY part? help :(

7 Answers

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  • amy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Even though he didn't cheat on you he crossed the line into "things I shouldn't have done" territory. Now, that being said he was honest about it. He told you what happened and you did not have to hear it from anyone else. He was also honest about his thoughts that night. Yet, if I were you it would still hurt, a lot.

    I like your text message about not being an option. I made the same choice one time. You stood up for yourself and refused to wait around until he got around to making a decision. You deserve to feel like you are the Only choice not first or second place.

    So Dominic backs out and he comes to you. I think you're still angry about the whole thing from the fact that he slept in the same bed with Dominic to the fact that he seemed to be interested in where that might head. And I think you had every right to be angry. However, you then backed him into a corner. Instead of waiting for him to reply after his shower you came at him with teeth and claws.

    Whatever emotions you have are ok to have. Your feelings are never wrong, but there are effecive an uneffective ways to express them. You backed him into a corner, and then started telling him what he must have done, like "I guess you took your pick." but you don't really know that.

    You were wronged, but the end of this story is because of choices you made. He hurt you and you hurt him right back. He has the right to be angry as well. If you want to have a prayer of opening the lines of communication again you are going to have to apologize. He owes you one too. You might not like that, but that's the only way. And, if you decide you don't want him back in you life there is nothing wrong with that either.

    Think before you do anything. Is it worth persuing? Is he what you really want? What would make you happy? FIgure out what you need and want. You should know what your ultimate goal is and what you are willing, or not willing to do to get it. I wish you all the best.

  • 1 decade ago

    i think the most obvious problem i see with you is that you are very impatient. back off, give him some space. stop the obsessive texting, you seem desperate. when you sent him the text asking (demanding) WHAT IS GOING ON? for instance, i think if he knew he would have told you. obviously he has some interest in you and possibly dominic and he's not sure about either of you. that's his choice to make in his own time. so far you two are just talking, learning more about each other and in time you will both know if it's something you want to explore further. as in many instances one gets to that point in time quicker than the other. just relax and see what happens. have a great new year!

    ps. i hope you are certain about the good guy thing because the drunkin getting in bed with dominic part of your story scares me.

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't change who you are. You can't help that guys are jerks and they break your heart. If they don't see the greatness in you then they're not right for you. But i tihnk that you should IM him or call him or txt him whatever because obvusily he wants you to know that he is still thinkign about you since he changed his picture to the default of you guys together. Guys are very understandable you just have to look at what they're doing. He probably has too much pride and doesn't know what to do or he feels stupid for having to choose between you or dominic so therefore hes not goign to txt or cally ou first. Its childish but porbably true. Just call him tonight and see if he answers and if he does talk to him. You obvousily know him better than me so you know what to talk about but say how you feel about him and talk about this whole situation.

    Good luck i hope everything turns out great.

    =]

  • 1 decade ago

    Hiya :)

    You are kinda in a difficult situation and i really feel for you. I think that you should (as much as you may think different) step back and let him know what hes going to be loosing out on. If hes a nice guy and the guy you thought he was he'll call you and appolgise. If you run after him so to say thats just going to make it look like you will let him do what he wants and you'll still be there. Am sure that hes a really nice genuine guy but please keep in mind that some guys are just out for what they can get. Wether he was drunk or not thats no excuse to clime in to bed with someone and kiss them,is it? No matter how drunk you are you still know whats going on and he knew what he was doing. Guys need to learn that they cant pick and choose who ever they want and drop people when ever they want.

    You seem like a really lovley gurl and dont ever change what ever happens. You are you and no one can love you more for that. Changing yourself is not going to change the situation but make you in to a person you dont really want to be.

    Just wait it out he'll soon come running to you when he relizes what a nice sweet gurl you are :)

    I really hope that helps and everything works out for you x

    Source(s): PLease Please vote for the best answer thanks x
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    wow that was long. hahaha. Hey its cool. You probably went a lil overboard changing your pic etc. before he answered your question. instead of the "you know what Im talking about" you should be like "So did you choose Dominic over me?" Guys are often kinda stupid when it comes to stuff like this just lay it out for him! I would CALL (not text) him and tell him how you feel (not in an aggressive way but in a kind way) and tell him that he needs to decide who he wants to be with and commit himself to that person. Say if its not you that's fine but you can't handle not knowing! Don't let him answer that night but tell him to think on it for a day and that you will call him the next night (don't tell him to call you because he might not and then you might end up calling him after all). Then call him the next night and ask for his answer.

    I sincerely hope this helped!

    Good luck to you.

    Please lemme know how it turned out.

    God bless,

    Ryan

    btw Steph, dont beg for best answer. C'mon. Best answer is meant for the BEST ANSWER as the writer decides. If youre is the best answer thats cool, you deserve it. But if its not, dont beg for it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ok text a liitle bit, but not to much

    maybe a hey or hows it goin cumthin along that line

    show him that you want to talk

    be the bigger chick and ask him how he feels about you and him

    or just you aski him about how he feels about dominic

    ask him questions that pertain to the situattion, but not to much

    but either way follow your heart and you cant base what you need to change

    on whats happened in da past becasue the past is gone

    and its time to start on a new leaf

    so be mindful and careful

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    text or call him tomorrow, arrange to meet up and speak face to face, either way ull get your answer!

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