young mommys (early twenties)?
i am almost 23 (next month) have a year left of school, but feel i am ready to bring a bundle of joy into my life. I have been with my fiance for 6 years, lived with him for almost 4. We are financially, emotionally, and mentally ready.
BUT my parents want me to do the right thing and finish school and get married first. I feel like I would be disappointing them if I were to start trying (they are ultra conservative). After all... it is MY life. I just have mixed feelings, but have been wanting to ttc for almost a year now.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Wait until you're done with school and have a job. No one will look at a pregnant woman and give her a job. Likewise, if you make any allusion to a baby, they won't hire you because they know you'll be missing work to take care of a sick baby. Plus, get married first. I know you say now that you're ready, but what happens when baby's crying nonstop, you're tired, baby won't eat, your man is busy with work and comes home exhausted only to be handed the baby? Until you've officially committed to one another, there's no guarantee he'll stick around and put up with your crankiness and your baby's.
Why not try a puppy and see how you do with that first? Get a puppy, which will take a year or two to get trained and then go for a baby after that. You'll be out of school a year and into a job a year. You'll be even more financially ready and you can put money away for baby's college.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I would definitely wait. The year will pass by fast and that way you'll be even more ready. If you have a baby know things will get difficult and believe it or not could really cause problems. You know the old tales you hear of what it's like after you get married everything changes. Well it's usually true. Some things change for the worse others for the best. I REALLY advice that you wait. We wish we would have. We had already planned to get married but i ended up pregnant before that happened. We got married about 3 weeks before our son was born. Next month i'll be 20 and i'll also be graduating as a Massage Therapist but i still have to take and pass the national exam before becoming a LMT and getting a job. This year is going to be crazy and fun but it would had already happened if i didn't come out pregnant. It really changes the relationship some i didn't like but most i do. Just wait.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I'm 21 and had a baby 5 months ago. Have done two years of uni and still have two years left. I took a year off because while I was pregnant I had severe morning sickness but worked during pregnancy to save up a bit of money. My pregnancy was unplanned although I am married. My classes (summer school) start tomorrow and I am dreading the thought of going back and leaving my precious daughter at home. She will be looked after by my mum and mother-in-law so I know she will be in good hands.
I would advise you to try and finish your studies first. It is possible to do well and study after you have a baby but then baby always comes first. If you study before having a baby then you can concentrate on it better. Maybe start trying for a baby in the second half of the university year so even if you do get pregnant then you could finish of your course.
What is stopping you two from getting married now? If you are financially stable as you say then a wedding could come into it. Maybe at the end of your course or between semester breaks?
In saying that...it is your choice. You know whats best in your situation and what you can handle. If you have lots of family support who will help you while you are studying then maybe it is the right time to have a baby now. Good luck.
- answermesweetlyLv 41 decade ago
I believe that you shouldn't worry about other people much. As long as you and your fiance are on the same page. BUT... My hubby and I started ttc before we were married. We had already planned on getting married, but we hadn't picked a date so we got married right away. I got morning sickness on the second day of our honeymoon and every day after until the baby was born. My husband and I agreed I would be a stay at home mom. I decided to go to school actually as an afterthought, because I was bored at home and thought it would be a productive way to occupy my time. I had my first class just 3 days after we got home from the hospital. My first semester was okay (I went full-time). Midterms and finals were hard to study for, papers hard to write with a screaming baby in my arms. I passed with B's and C's. We decided to have another baby right away. Now my first son is 16 months old, my second 4 months old and I'm going into my 4th semester in a few days. Usually I don't feel its very difficult. Some days are definitely trying, but mostly I can say its fairly easy. I love my sons and believe that if the timing had been any different I wouldn't have these two exact babies. I didn't even want to go to college before I had my first son. My husband loved me and never seemed to mind that I threw up constantly throughout our entire first year of marriage. However, I'm honest enough to admit that it would've been much much easier and wiser to get married and enjoy that for a little while, and go to school and finish that before I started thinking babies. But the fact is, this is how I chose to do things, and this is how they worked out. And they do work, but I could've enjoyed things a little more if I had decided to take a little more time in getting to this point...
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- 1 decade ago
What's the rush, I wonder? True, it is your life and you should do whatever makes you happy, but why not explore the world a bit more before you bring a baby into the mix?
You may be ready, that's a very personal thing that only you can say. However, don't you deserve to be as educated and as free spirited as you want before you won't have the chance? Kids take up your entire life. And, don't they deserve parents who have lived life enough? You cannot possibly live everything that life has to offer at 23, trust me! Explore it...
My advice: wait a few years and just enjoy each other. Get married and have fun with that for a while.... because you will miss it later on. Be passionate and do everything you want before you make that huge step. :)
- 1 decade ago
I'm 21, just got married in august and am now pregnant and due in July. I took this year off from school because when I got married I knew I was moving to my husbands home state.
At first, I was scared and dissapointed at the thought of being pregnant and even cried for 2 days. It's not that I hated the thought of having a baby, it's just that:
a) I had just gotten married and wanted to spend time getting used to married life and really enjoy it before kids came in
b) I wanted to go back and finish school so that I had a real career and so that my children could come in to a world where I'm not juggling around them, work AND school
If you get pregnant now, you may not have the time to go back to school for a while. Even though you may have it all planned out, a baby changes everything and you don't know how you'll be feeling about this in 10 months. It is your life but if I had a chance to go back to your situation I would get married, finish school and thennn think about having kids. We're young... you have plenty of time to wait.Source(s): me :)
- 1 decade ago
Well, I was in the same position as you are. I am 22 years old(23 in may) and just had my first child. I am also finishing my undergrad studies this semster thank God. I must say that it is difficult, but not impossible. I was with my husband since high school before we got married in the summer. Blancing school, work, and my newborn is really tought because its my husband and I only. I think if you are able to wait, then go for it. I was pregnant last year for two semsters and went to class. As a matter of fact, I had my son on a thursday and was back in class on tues. If u are not able to wait and want a baby badly, my advice to you would be is to stay strong throughout your pregnancy. You'll need help and lots love. Goodluck to you
- 1 decade ago
If you have a year left at school then I’d say get that out of the way first, either that or try half way through so that you still complete that year in good time before your baby arrives. One year will go by so quickly and it isn’t too long to wait.
I presume you are in the USA? As you may know the UK is very different but I personally left school at 16 with qualifications (nine GCSE’s) which is pretty normal here. I then got my first job and began studying from home while working, rather than college. I achieved two diplomas with distinctions that way. I met my now husband at the age of 20, married him at 23 and we had our first child when I was 24, so kind of early 20’s.
Also are you considering getting married? Maybe focus on that first? I know when we were planning our wedding the time just seemed to fly by so quickly.
Good luck with whatever route you choose.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
If you are so ready with all of those things, why haven't you gotten married? Even if it's just going down to the courthouse now, and having the ceremony and reception in the future, that would count for a lot, with your parents and with the law if you were to bring a child into the world.
I would encourage you to finish your education first. If there's only a year left, what would be harmed by waiting? Nothing. But if you do have a child, you may never go back to school. If something were to happen to your husband or you should divorce, and you would have to go to work without a college degree, it's going to be very hard. I know, because this is what happened with my mother.
- 1 decade ago
I had my son unexpectedly at 19 and i've somehow made my way through my second year of university with a year left and it has put alot more strain on me but i've managed. I would never intentionally plan to have a baby whilst i was in education because it just makes things too hard for yourself but as you only have a year left it wouldn't hurt to start trying soon.
As for getting married first that is some peoples idea of the way to go about it but i see no reason as to why you should get married before you have a baby, i never did and don't intend to!!