i need some real advice from a person who is experienced in relationships.. i'm hurting.. (LONG)?

okay. i've been talking to a guy named jared. i met jared a few years ago at a party.. we became friends from that and he took care of me while i was drunk at a party a few weeks later. we started to sorta like each other after that but it just fell apart.. about 2 years went by since we talked, and he randomly left me a picture comment on myspace a few weeks ago..we started kinda talking again from that and on christmas day it started getting serious.. we were having deep conversations throughout the night & just getting closer.. we started hanging out a little and we had our first kiss on new years eve. everything seemed to be going great. he started doing all the sweet stuff and we started talking about having a relationship. jared always seemed like the sweet sensitive understanding type (you know, the kind of guy that actually has feelings) and i was really not skeptic about him, i was almost sure that this was the start of something real.. i had no doubts about him. well, last night we were supposed to hang out but we wound up going with our friends.. i texted him twice last night but he never answered me (which i could understand because i figured he was busy or maybe drunk or not by his phone) .. so this morning he called me and everything seemed fine.. he asked me what i was doing tonight and the regular normal talk we'd always have.. and it eventually turned into "i kinda have something to tell you".. so he told me that he had a bunch of people at his house lastnight and they all got drunk and him and this girl i know (a friend of mine) named dominic slept in the sam bed together.. he told me they didn't mess around and it was nothing..i asked if they cuddled and he said yeah.. i asked if they kissed and they said yeah.. i couldn't get that mad because me and jared don't actually have the whole "girlfriend/boyfriend title" yet, but i did act a little annoyed.. i wasn't really mad about it until i started asking him if he liked her.. things turned from "it was just a drunk night to him not sure who he wants to choose".. it started to hurt my feelings and i told him i'd just text him bc i had to leave.. so this is the text i sent him "jared. just tell me whats going on. if that was just a little drunk stupid thing i can understand and ill forgive you but i cant talk to you anymore if you don't know what you want. you assured me that you really liked me and that you wouldnt put me through the bullshit and i believed you but if it's a tough choice between me and dominic than shes all yours i wont settle for being an option"... so he never replied and he called me and we talked about it more but the conversation went nowhere.. he told me that dominic later found out that me and him had something going on so i guess she stepped back.. he then told me that he was going to take a shower and hed call me after, and i was like okay if you want.. and he was like yeah i do want to but hours passed and he never called.. i texted him and i was like "so i guess you took your pick" and he said "what are you talking about" and i said "nun" and he said "umm okay" and i said "you know what im talking about" and that was it.. i haven't talked to him since.. i got on myspace and changed my default pic (which was a picture of me and him) and when i got back on later he changed his too (which was the same picture). and he went out to the hangar tonight (the hangar is a club) .. i want us to work this out.. he was so great.. i'm so hurt over this not only because i wanna be with him but because this happens to me so much you'd think it's a joke. do i have bad luck or is it me thats doing something wrong? i'm sweet, easy to get along with, classy, not bad looking, and i'm not obsessive.. when guys break your heart over and over again you begin to wonder what area you need to change in.. it's like my most unsolved mystery..

but i just want him to call me.. should i text him and say ANYTHING else? what should I do on MY part? help :(

9 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    woa. that was long.

    k well you messed

    up when you changed

    your pic. big no no if

    you still wanna be w/

    him cause that just

    sent him a message

    that you don't..so he

    took an ouch! and changed

    his too.

    no more mind games

    that you end up putting

    you two into.

    i suggest..randomly

    commenting one of his

    pics 1st..that seemed

    to work the first time

    and once ya'll start talking

    and texting

    change your pic back.

    but do not call him

    1st under any circumstances

  • 4 years ago

    Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. You're both too stubborn to realize that a relationship means that what you have is a PARTNERSHIP and neither of you is willing to bend a little or even break sometimes for the sake of the other person. If you can't come to an agreement over small things, when the big stuff comes along, you'll fail. And calling you names is NEVER cool; I don't care how angry you get. That indicates little or no regard for you as a person and you don't want to be with a person like that. Perhaps you are both better suited if you go your separate ways.

  • Matrix
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Wow..I really read the whole thing. Ok, first of all it seems alcohol played a role in his little mishap with the Dominic girl. It seems to me that the both of you drink a little too much. It's hard to communicate when you're getting wasted every other night. I think you may have overreacted a little bit when he said he would call you back and you texted him back and said that he made his choice...as in he chose the other girl. Bad move by you. It probably scared him away. I know you're hurting but just make sure that the next time you talk to him that you make your intentions clear and that he does the same. Just because a guy has amorous feelings towards a woman doesn't mean he is ready to date her. This is a situation where you need to use your common sense and your intuition.....not your heart that is filled with infatuation.

    Good luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    NOOOOO...do not call or text him. I don't know where to begin.

    Stop putting yourself out there. It's a good thing that you carry yourself in the manner that you do. In the long run...you're gonna be the girl that is respected. Never make someone your priority if you're only their option. He more than knows how you feel. So go on about your business and play it by ear. And don't answer the next time he calls or text you. You have to make them work a little for you sometimes.

    And don't where your heart on your sleeves. Guys don't know what to do with all of that emotional whiny stuff..nor do they care..esp if you're not in a relationship.

    In the future..don't open your heart up so wide to someone unless you know they really want to be there.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I would say your best bet is to go with the flow you have a life ahead of you do not waste value able days on something that is not of value.

    Believe me if you chase him he will like that and keep doing what he is doing because me as a guy I know this I used to be a jerk too.

    Just go on with your life and let him stroll back in and choose if he is really being for real or if he is just sweet talking you.

    Don't let it faze you nothing can bring you down only you can bring yourself down by waiting on someone who is immature it's like sitting in front of a microwave it seems like it takes days for your popcorn to get done if you don't wait on him he will start to get curious why your not chasing him (trust me!).

    Show your strength and hide your weakness.

    Stiffen up that shoulder soldier every things okay (-:

    Source(s): Myself
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    first of all, i just wanna say im sorry for what ur going through... i understand this is a difficult place to be in... it would be easy for me to say step back but when u really wanna be with someone, its hard to just let them be... this is what i would do... i would talk to him, preferably in person, but the phone would work, and have a convo and figure out where exactly hes at and what hes feeling... you guys talk, which is great, but you cant have these convos that go nowhere... you know what you want, he needs to decide what he wants... if he wont talk to you, let him know where you stand and then give him time to figure things out... it sounds though like you guys care for each other and want to be with each other but right now this is a rough patch...

  • 1 decade ago

    I think he doesnt want to be with you anymore.

    He just wants out of whatever you were having or about to have.

    You will have to get over him now.

    Ever wonder when these things happen, does the other person think about us as much as we worry about them after a sad thing like this happens in such a good relationship?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Maybe you should find a guy who you don't have to worry about him going out and getting drunk. I would ditch him, and stop worrying about it.

  • call or text him and tell him you want to meet in person.

    you dont have to tell him anything else

    then work it out completely when you meet up with him. ask him how he really feels about you and how he feels about your friend.

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