Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 1 decade ago

Pregnant, only 4 weeks 2 go, boyfriend hasnt been back since November?

Im 22 and due to give birth in 4 weeks and the babys father who was my boyfriend works down in Watford and I live in Manchester. He was living with me, but went to work down there 2 get money which I suggested he did at his mums friends restaurant a she couldnt get a job up here.

The relationship fell apart at the end of november, I wasnt been very nice 2 him, I was scared about the pregnancy and the birth and I missed him when he was away and felt alone and empty, my hormones are everywhere, and it all scared me and I took it out on him and I knew I shouldnt of and I relaised I had 2 stop this. So I tried 2 sort it out with and wanted 2 explain how I had been feeling, but he wouldnt have any of it. I begged him 2 come home 2 speak 2 me but he wouldnt. When I did speak 2 him on the phone he always sound mad and angry but also mad ea point 2 me about him texting this girl which he had a past with and was txting her a lot. The stress got 2 much for me and I was admitted 2 hospital as I started getting pains, but im ok now, but I also broke down in hospital. While I was in hospital he came up 2 manchester 2 pick his stuff up from my house and my parents told him that I had broke downa nd was not good at all, but he showed no reaction and didnt attempt 2 come 2 the hospital 2 see how I was. When I got out the hospital a few days alter I phoned him so he knew, and he said he was gutted he didnt see me when he came up 2 manchester, but I thought why didnt you come to the hospital then..but didnt say this 2 him. Anyway I then didnt speak 2 him until xmas day night,which he phoned me, as I was going 2 wait 2 speak to him until new year as he kept sayin 2 me he wnated his space. He seemed upset that I hadnt rang him, but he made a point that the girl he told me he was texting was phoning him while he wa son the phone to me and he told me- sarah keeps ringing, im sure she thinks we are married. An it just upsets me, why he has to tell me it. He said there jsut friends but I know they text loads. I didnt speak 2 him then until my birthday 27th Dec where he was txtin me and said he wanted me him and the baby 2 be a family and was aving up 4 us 2 be all be togehter..but then I didnt here out of him so rang him the next day and he just seemed funny again with me etc. I dnt get any phone calls off him, just the one on xmas day..I couldnt take it any more so i texted him sayin i cant take it Ive had enough etc Im walking away, but I love him so much and I dont want it like this it hurts but I feel like my head is being messed with and I dnt know what to think...he thinks he can jsut turn up 2 when i go into labour and be there, but after I sent that msg being a bit harsh, it said the truth 2 be honest though, that he hadnt bee 2 see me not asked bout the baby, never conatcts me eithers, no support from him etc but tis coz I am so hrt, he said that msg jsut proved 2 me why I shouldnt get back with you etc and said happy new year and put the phone down, he is 19, but he has always acted quite mature until this point. What do I do or do any of you suggest? I really cant let go of him though but dont what 2 do or think and I cry eevry day and feel so lost and hurt and im so scared, Im going 2 see a councillor but havent been yet, but why is he doing this?

13 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He is...standing off... while you go through hell

    what about this...makes him a good candidate for a long term...husband type ?

    Once the child is born...and the hardest end of all of this is over

    he will be back wanting to claim the benefits of being "a father"

    Go get with this councillor and talk out your feelings and get some of this off of you.... you are about to be into the birthing process and need to approach this in as good a condition as you can.....

    But, once all of this is behind you ... and this dude returns (and he will)

    take a major chunk of caution in letting him back in the door.... for, he has already proven... that he has no stomach for going through harder times with you ... and, it will not be a bit different on anything that comes your way.... on into life....

    ☼ ////

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  • 1 decade ago

    The only thing you can really do is focus on you and the baby..the baby has to have some stablity and that's going to be you..dont bother stressing about him and just focus putting all your love into the little person inside you. When you stress you stress the baby..he should know all this too! Anyways it's his loss that he's missing out..does he think that when you have the baby he can decide he's ready to grow up and reappear??? You will always have your baby and the baby will always have you..your relationship with him will come under so much pressure when the baby is born in anyway. All I can say is I feel sorry for him cause he's going to regret all this at some stage, and more than likely it'll be too late when he does. Your hormones are all over the place, you shouldnt have to apologise for that! -I'm 27wks preg, so I know you cant control your emotions-. Your body is working extra hard for his baby, so although he cant do anything for baby now he could be helping you cause right now your the one doing everything! I honestly think his guilt will catch up with him at some stage but right now you need to just think of you and the baby.

    Best of luck and all will turn out the way its ment to

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  • Bitty
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I think it's a good idea that you're going to see a counsellor, as to why he is behaving like that - we don't know.

    With a baby on the way I think you need to be more mature now and be the adult out of you and him. You're going to have to forget about the relationship otherwise it's going to keep dragging you back down adn you won't be able to move on.

    Concentrate on your baby, let him be at the birth if he wants to be - he is the father after all. Suggest times for him so that he can visit the baby daily but also know lets him know that you've moved on and he cannot just be there whenever it suits him. It also gives you time to prepare yourself and know that he is coming. I would also suggest that you ask him to set up some sort of child savings account for your baby. If he fails do pay child maintenance you can report him.

    It seems like he was messing your head around. It will be hard but you have to concentrate on your baby and you can't let him make you upset with the way he behaves with other girls.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    my word...asides from the fact that you're pregnant, this sounds exactly like my bloke about 3 years ago. men won't do the chasing at that age, they're simply not mature enough. when they do something wrong, they think a simple apology sorts it out (which it usually does). we do something wrong and the whole world comes crashing down on them.

    listen, all you can do, is either walk away and say "it was nice while it lasted, but make sure you're a good dad", or, "i love you, so i'll give you your space. this is stupid, we're meant to be a family - you know how i feel, my door is always open when you're ready to come home" or something like that...sounds much better i my head.

    give him time, don't chase, just let him know that if he knows what he wants, he'll stop rubbing this sarah character in your face and move on with his life. one way or the other.

    just please remember, you're not the only one going through this, there are women out there that have to be strong enough to be a single mum because thats just how it is for them. don't stress yourself out, if it hurts, it means your human. humans heal with time, you'll get past it when you realise there's someone else that needs you more.xx

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  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I like what Helmut cheez, Mel, and especially LarryJZ had to say on this, so this is just my two cents.

    Before I married, I was pregnant once, and in a similar situation. One fueled by hormones. I miscarried, and looking back, I wished I would have waited until after the baby was born to attempt to make decisions of that caliber. My hormones were all over the place, and I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat, much less rest of my life decisions. I made my life a mess by attempting to fix things. When the hormones went away and I could think clearly, I had no idea why I had ever even slept with the guy much less considered tolerating his behavior. He was gone, and I have not spoken to him since. Now that I am older and married and expecting again, I see how a man handles these things, and there is no comparision. When I found the right person to spend my life with it was the easiest decision I had ever made, it was not difficult to decide in the least.

    I know that you want to try and make it work for the sake of the baby, but there is time in the future. And you have already tried. Just don't burn bridges yet. You two have a long time of dealing with one another ahead...one way or the other. You could tell him the truth. 'This has gotten way out of hand, I want you to experience this with me, and as to what happens later we will see. My hormones are too out of control right now to make those decisions, and trying to is making me physically ill.'

    I know you want him to be a sure thing, because nothing else seems to be right now. But only you are the sure thing. You are the only person you have any control over, now or later.

    So, I would say wait it out if at all possible. But YOU have to be the protector of this baby. Baby is your concern now. You and he/she...breath and relax. I agree with Larry...the worst part will be over soon, he will be at your door, and you will be clear headed and you again.

    Remember dear, "This too shall pass."

    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    To comment on his behavior, for the babys sake I hope he grows up and calms down. He doesn't have the hormonal excuse. He is not acting like he is husband or father material.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Lots of Luck to you. Keep your head up.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Hello to you,

    well im 25 years old and i live in the Manchester area and my ex who has left me while im pregnant is from london. There is no easy way for this to sound nice but you are just going to have to get on and deal with it. Its harsh i know and im in the same boat as you but i adopted an attitude whereby its his loss, at the end of the day you cant make him want to be with you and be a dad to this baby. The csa might be a good place to start for financial help but that sounds about all the support you may get from him. It is an unfortunate set of circumstances and i feel for you i really do. Just keep your chin up, you need to be strong more for this baby and the rest for yourself, life goes on hunni. When this baby is born it would be a good place to start to seek some help. Community mental health teams have a good primary care service and they are experts in dealing with emotional stress.

    Dont hound him, i wouldnt even contact him again. Your just putting yourself through more stress and worry and as a result of that you end up putting your babies life at risk.

    If you need to talk further i can give you my email address its not a problem.

    Chin up luv life is how we make it....

    Best of luck to you and your baby....

    Source(s): Life experience Mental Health Nurse
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  • Mel
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like he doesnt want to man up for his child and you. He seems no longer intrested in you. Move on dont let some loser treat you and your unborn child this way. Seek love and support from your family, they will be their for you. Everything will turn out all right. Just some men are not ready to settle down at the age of 22. Just relax, you have a baby coming who will love you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He is scared, confused and the reality of the life-time of comittment you have both bought on yourselves has hit home. He is not ready to comit to being a father - sadly looks like you'll be joining the many thousands of young women who (along with their 'partners' initial 'input') bring a child into the world without much forethought.

    Remember that the baby must come first at all times. They will be a helpless little individual totally dependent on YOU.

    Sadly your 'ex-' is not the 'Man' he should have been - and is choosing to reject his responsibility at this time. You're going to have to assume that this will be the case and start making plans to care for the little one without expecting the help and support a REAL Father should provide.

    Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If he isn't there for you now, what makes you think he will be there when you need him later.

    I'm sorry. I say walk away. You have a little one to be a parent to and he is not going to help the situation.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm not really sure what the question is. We don't know him so it's hard to figure out why he is like that.

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