I LOVE HIM ALOT AND WANNA BE WITH HIM FOREVER BUT SOMETHING MISSING A LONG STORY BUT NEED HELP ITS AGE?
Ok it all started back in November 2007, i just broke up with my first real boyfriend we dated for about a year but he became so controlling, so mean, so selfish, nothing i wanted. Any way i got home that night my next store nabor was over. I always thought he was cute and i nice guy but i was 15 (my b days in June) and he was 12 (his b days in Jan) so like it wasn't in like i wanted to date him (he didn't know i was gay.) Anyway i got in my room and i was crying and i couldn't tell my mom and dad because they don't like gays. So i was in my room and talk to my self crying and i didn't know he was under my bed. He came out crying as well and was like im gay to don't feel bad. I could tell he wasn't lieing. (his names Hayle bye the way) So i just huged him. And then he told me he loved me, and i said the same thing back. So we were "dating" we kept it a seacret because i knew my mother and father would not aprove of it. But his mother and father knew and they didn't care. We did everything together, then it was his 13 birthday on Januarey 2nd 2008, so i was still 15 just going back to the AGE thing here. And i started to really fall in love with him. He was so mature, and was always on the same page with me, he alway nice NOT CONTROLLING like my last BF. We had songs on are iPod were are songs "Truley Madley Deepley" bye Savage Garden and "Endless Love" Bye Brain McKnight and Mariah Carey. I just loved being with Hayle, when i was with him all my problems melted away, i never felt so clouse to god then when i was with him. I love God with out God there would be no me. The only problem was that i was never really turned on bye him "ya i know ewwwwwww" but its true. But what ever sex isn't love. Then when i was at school one day and my teatcher was talking about gay people "this is realigon class" she was like Its not a SIN to be Gay its a SIN to be in gay realishonships and Gay Marrige is a SIN. That made me feel like was going to hell if i didn't leave Hayle. But i was going to stand bye him because he was the only one i ever really loved and no one understood me like he did. When im with him its like that other part of me that was missing my hole life was filed. But then i was starting to feel bad because i was never liked him in that way. So then I did something that was the worst thing i have ever done in my life. It was November 2008, Now i was 16 and Hayle was still 13. I was home alone one night and being a normal hourney teenager i was looking up pic's of porn on a P2P site. Your going to think im the worst person in the world for doing this as do I. I saw a child porn file on there and downloaded to see if i would be turned on because i thought there was something WRONG with me becaue im gay and becaue i had a boyfriend who was a little younger. Well i got the file and i DIDN'T like it i was crying wright after i saw it and i just couldn't bealive it how someone could do that to a child. But now I think im going to hell like i love God and i would never do that to a child. The this has bin reaplaying in my head ever since. Anyway now i think i should brake up with him and fined someone who is may age 16, his going to be 14 on the 2nd, but i don't know if i should stay. I really really love him, and he loves me, but i don't think we can ever be together and i feel like a bigest louser on the face of this earth and im gonna burn in hell for everything i have done. Should i end it, tell me what you think.
Sorry for really crappy spelling