Arranged Marriage aka forced love?

I am sorry if i sound at all racist or anything but i need answers.

I don't get the whole arranged marriages for Muslims.

I think it's the weirdest thing ever. Isn't it forced love? You are trying to make two people fall in love with each other. Most Muslim children do not get a choice in the matter and are forced into an arranged marriage without the option of finding a wife/husband for themselves. They aren't allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends so they are unaware of how to treat a man or women and therefore that can lead to abuse or divorce which is really frowned upon by Muslims. I just don't get it at all.

My friend is a Muslim is not allowed to marry a girl who isn't a Muslim. When he mentioned marrying someone not through an arranged marriage, she replied "Well how are you going to find a girl?". Which is true. How is he supposed to find a girl when he isn't allowed a girlfriend? He doesn't want an arranged marriage but is going to be forced into it. Please explain how this is normal and okay? Because i think it's horrible and completely forced love!

Update:

The she who asked how he is to find the girlfriend is his mother.

Update 2:

I was just using Muslims as an example.

Also, are both parties actually happy with the arranged marriage? Or are their parents just happy for them?

I'd like to hear from someone who has had an arranged marriage.

16 Answers

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  • Rosy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    these days arrange marriage can be so different o how it was before. nowadays its like 2 family meets. boy meets girl, they have a date, get to know each other, and if they dont like each other they look for different person. bit like speed dating exept with the family meeting too.

    but then again alot of muslim teenagers have secret boyfreind or girlfreind.

    well i do know alot of people whom had arranged marriages, and some forced marriages.

    i know few people married just to see their parenst happy - thats ridiculous.

    my marriage was arranged since i was 11 years old. when i found out this i was only 13yrs old. it didnt hit me that hard at first because i still felt like a baby so i said to myself i have long time, and things iwll change in time.

    however when i turned 18 it really did hit me hard. thats when i secretly had a boyfreind, and my parents kept going on about the guy i was supposed to be getting married.

    i told them i wont be getting married abroad - because i know the guy would only want to marry me just to come into U.K, and then leave me. i was so sure this was going to happen as i seen it happen to many other girls.

    but my parents totally ignored me. they were saying things like" oh if you marry an outsider (whom isnt related) they will beat you up leave you etc" "and if you marry your cousin - and if they hit you etc it wouldnt hurt you emotionally as much" WTF i was sickened hearing this from my parents who rather see me get beaten up my my cousin.

    anyway when they found out i had a boyfreind parents flipped. beat me up, i couldnt go to work, wasnt allowed to eat, wasnt allowed to go out. and more.

    after going through this for over a month, i left home one early morning. from this day my family disowned me and never wanted to know me again.

    forced marriage and arrange dmarriage isnt a religion thing as people thinks. its a culture thing and always have been going on. and people like my parents think this culture should be going on still even when they lived in UK for over 25 years.

    i worry for my little sister. she said they guy who i was supposed to be marrying abroad - he is now wanting to marry her, and she is so sickened by it. i worry for her because i odnt her to go through what i did, and she doesnt have the courage to leave like i did

    my sister had an arrange dmarriage however she is now divorced. just didnt work out.

    my parents had an arranged marriage however they still together after 45 years.

    its 50/50 thing. but i rather not go through it

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Arranged Marriages aren't just practised by Muslims.

    It was racist of you to single out a specific group.

    Arranged marriages are predominant in the world and *gasp* a norm. It was practised in the West and still is.

    Just because you don't understand the way a community or civilisation lives, does not make them inferior or weird, I'm sure any real anthropologist will tell you.

    As for Islam, if a male or female is forced to marry someone, the marriage is annulled. According to Islam they aren't counted as Husband and Wife unless both parties are WILLING. Simple as.

    As with your friend there are two things you shouldn't get confused like many do:

    1.His religion. In Islam, he has full right to tell his parents he won't get married by force.

    2. His culture. In many cultures, one has to obey the parents even if they're wrong. Which is wrong.

    Also, the partners are allowed and encouraged to meet and talk before marriage. But not beyond that.

    In Islam, you CHOSE your partner BUT don't do anything sexual with them UNTIL marriage. That is what an arranged marriage is supposed to be.

    Force marriages are wrong, not arranged marriages.

    Like one Bollywood star said:

    I want to love the person I'm arranged to marry. And be arranged to marry the one I love.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It's not always arranged marriage. It is true that Muslims have the worst luck in dating because of the so called "religion" but when it comes to marriage, parents usually talk among friends and say that your son looks like a fine young man to marry my daughter. Then the parents arrange the kids to meet so they know if they have things in common or not. That is the chance the couple get to know each other and if things don't work out, the parents of the son move on to the next friend with a daughter.

    I believe the reason for the arranged marriage is that the parents of the son get money from the parents of the daughter for the marriage which is horrible. I am 1005 against arranged marriage. It's a curse more than luck to be arranged for a marriage rather than finding love on your own.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    My parents had an arranged marriage, all of my aunts did, and most of my cousins. They are all Muslim. I didn't have an arranged marriage - I married a Christian that I went to college with that I dated.

    All of my family members that had an arranged marriage were very happy and successful in their life. The paradigm for that type of marriage is just different. They fall in love, grow together, become close as time goes by. They don't give themselves any options and so divorce doesn't happen - they just live through the ups and downs. Its really not forced love - all the couples I have seen, genuinely love each other.

    My parents never forced it upon me and when I fell in love with my college sweetheart who has America, it was fine too:)

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  • Joe_D
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    The idea of marrying for love is a relative modern idea. Traditionally, marriages were arranged by parents for their children, not with the idea that their kids will fall in love, but to accomplish practical family purposes, e.g. build alliances, economics, have children, religious and cultural reasons, etc. If the couple learns to love each other, great! In some cultures, a bride and groom might meet each other for the first time on their wedding day!

  • 4 years ago

    1. What if we are not soul-mates and we don't fall in love with each other? I dont know about your culture, but if you don't become soul mates and you dont learn to love each other, then i think you should divorce, if you arent able to do that, then maybe you can become life-long friends. 2. Will it hurt me when i have sex the first time? For some it hurts for others it doesn't... just let him know to go slow. 3. How do I trust him when he says that he has not toucned any woman previously. You just have to take his word for it... not much you can do in this department... as for me, 5 other women had already touched my man.... totally sucks, lol 4. Will he get angry if I first say no for sex till I know him well? He shouldn't if he respects you.... if he's the gentleman that your parents think he is and that your father chose for you, then he should respect your feelings and let you chose when you want to be with him... good luck on your wedding night... xoxo

  • 4 years ago

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    She’s been on plenty of dinner-and-a-movie dates. Do a little research and find interesting places and things to do around town that’s out of the ordinary. There are hidden gems in every city. Also, get to know the owners of small restaurants and business. When your date is known by the people in the establishment, it feels more like you’re being invited into his inner circle. Just be aware that there’s a fine line between being impressive and showing off. Make sure that you make your date feel like you’re inviting her in and sharing instead of being a douche. It all goes back to intentions.

  • 1 decade ago

    Love doesn't come into it, it is viewed as a transfer of property- a girl is sold by her father and purchased her new husband or his father.

    Arranged marriage is illegal in America, but the law is hard to enforce. Your friend could date without his parents knowledge, but would risk being disowned/kicked out of the house.

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  • 1 decade ago

    when you look at it, most of the males of the middle east (including osama bin laden the exiled prince) are mostly born under the rich families. they do this to give their branch of the family a better chance to be the ruling family of the lands (sort of like middle ages kings and queens).

    for the part of no intermarriages, the people of other races aren't accustomed to every aspect of the muslim culture for one. A second thing you have to consider is the decreased chance to take the chair/ title/whatever u want to call it when intermarrying.

    also try to look from their point of view. They would see most other people in the world as strange as you see them strange.

    Source(s): just go to wikipedia Xp
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