Any Married Bi guys? Help!?
Let me give you a short background first...married 13 years with 2 kids. I am bi myself,came out about 6 years ago. When I came out he was there as I said it outloud to both of us, and we came to an understanding I would not explore or experiment without him there. So chatting, etc he was there or knew about it all.
This last year, I found pics of him in my lingerie that he sent to another guy while I was at doc appt. We go to counseling, and talk everything out. He is curious. Has no attraction towards men but wonders what it would be like doing oral on another man. He was in chatrooms,forums, you name it , and he told me about it. After lengthy discussions, we came to the agreement that if he wanted to chat, explore, experiment, we do this together.
I am a very open minded person, and the last thing Id do is judge him, cuz I went through lots of emotions and all myself.
So I was trying to understand why he hid it from me to begin with, and actually understood why...just like anyone would hide it,shame, embarrasmet,confusion, etc.
Well, yesterday, I was on computer and we share same email client, was logged into his acct when I thought i was logged into mine, and saw that he was replying to personal ads locally for other married bi guys. He's continued to do this behind my back, even after I said Im ok with it,just dont hide anything from me, and here he is doing just that! Now Im not ok with it, its like it has turned from a beautiful thing that we could explore together to something thats tainted with betrayal and disgust.
He says he trusts me, but feels stupid and awkward with me knowing, he wants to do this on his own. I can't handle that. I agreed to his terms when I came out, no nothing unless he's involved, but yet he cant agree to the same. Like his situation is a special case or something.
We have dabbled in the swinger lifestyle..so I could play with other women, and even swap...he wasnt able to get his "member" going with the women, so with the other couples hubby, Id take one for the team lol But it goes to show that I am openminded, not controlling or posessive, just dont hide or lie. and now since he has, I can no longer trust him. and after 13 years, that's hard.
So I am wondering what other bi married guys feel and think, am I missing something?
I'm not handling this well, I dont like being lied to. I was starting to trust him again since he first started this cuz as I said he went behind my back...and now...poof...
Otherwise if i was able to read it, Id understand what goes through his mind more,cuz he sure as hell wont tell me!