Worried about transitioning "alone"?
I'm FtM, 17(still in high school), and in a week, I'm going to be 18, and able to go on testosterone.
I'm really lucky--my family is aware of my situation and are all at least friendly and I have a small community of students at my school who are welcoming. but not many close friends.
But I've been more and more worried as transition has become a reality that I'm not going to have enough people to "hold my hand" through such a big, life-changing event. My older brother, who has been the most supportive person in my life, is really uncomfortable about the whole thing. He's often tried to convince me not to physically change myself, that it's too early, and has told me that he misses "the old me" and has real trouble getting over the loss of that person. The rest of my family all have expressed similar things, but are getting over it slowly.
I really want someone to come to my first appointment with the endocrinologist, and later, all my surgery dates. I guess I could ask my family to come with me, but I think I'd be surrounded by disapproval, and I'm feeling kind of fragile right now. What should I do?
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I'm FTM too, 19, but you're ahead of me, lucky git :)
I don't know how long you've been thinking about this, or how long you've been out, to yourself and the wider world. I'm not sure what's to say for real, tangible help, but i'll do my best.
In some ways I had it easy; i fell apart so completely from the strain of trying to pretend to be a girl that it got to crisis point, do or die. It made my choices very simple, and I think not having a huge support network can do that for you. If you're relying only on yourself, once you know your own mind, you're okay with it -- all that's left is the practicalities of getting there, no real space for doubt.
Since you have so much support (or at least friendly kind of ambivalence), I guess it's harder. You might know what you need to do for you, but people around you have fears and opinions that will get in the way. Family particularly. I don't know your brother, i can't know whether he's struggling with the sudden reality of this and will come around later, or whether he'll always be uncomfortable with it. i hope to god he won't, but you probably know which way it'll go. He obviously still cares a lot about you -- that hasn't changed. I think he'll come around. it might be hard for you in the meantime, but if you haven't lost him so far, you'll probably be okay.
My mom had a real problem with it at first, and most of her unease was springing directly from fear. Have you had proper conversations with your brother about it? Make sure he has access to accurate information, not internet myths -- explain that for the first 6 months any effects of T won't be permanent, reassure him that if you change in ways you don't like, you can always stop. Let him know the risks, because they'll be less bad than whatever he's imagining. Explain that surgery's a long way off. My mom was so hung up on these things that she was making things bigger and more frightening than they actually were. Do stuff with your brother that you used to do; treat him the same. Show him you can still be the same you always were. My brother and I were always brothers growing up, even when he thought i was a girl -- your relationship probably hasn't altered so very much, right? Show him he isn't losing *you*, and that it's only your outsides changing.
You're less alone than you could be, and your family might come closer once the shock and fear wears off. my mom's come around a lot in just the last couple of months. If you'll feel worse for their presence, don't ask them to go with you to your appointments -- bear in mind it's a huge ask if they're feeling hurt or confused by your decision, however wrong-minded they might be. If you don't have close friends who could accompany you, look elsewhere for support. The most supportive person I've ever known I found through yahoo, by accident. People who can be physically there with you are nice, but a fully-supportive friend a thousand miles away works out better than a grudging presence at your side. If you need to do the first few appointments alone, it'll be hard, but you'll get through it, and it'll get easier each time. I've done a lot of mental health appointments, hospital stuff -- it's hard alone but it's harder with people who don't really want to be there with you. If your family come around, take them with you, but if not, don't worry. Look for friends who'll accept you for who you are, not *despite* it.
I don't where you are geographically, but if you have a trans or lgbt support group near you, try it. It helps knowing other trans people, and they'll let you know what to expect for the future. You might find someone who'll go with you to your appointments, but you'll definitely find acceptance. It helped me a lot.
Mail me if you want to, and best of luck. You're brave to be so sure of yourself so young -- you'll be okay, you're stronger than you know. take care, good luck, and happy birthday!
- sheila loveLv 51 decade ago
The worries you feel as you approach the beginnings of transition are very real and most likely come from the unknown road ahead. The biggest thing anyone transitioning needs to over-come this is support, knowledge, and experience. Your therapist will guide you somewhat but also urge you to seek out and develop support, either through groups, family, friends, online or even school. The knowledge you need is written in articles, online, text books, libraries, and even television,..a good site ;
As you continue to transition, every day you learn something, complete another hurdle or just successfully go about your business of the day, becomes experience and this experience will give you confidence to make the journey easier. There will be many first time events and each one will be a learning experience. Look forward to those chances and relish how accomplishing them makes you feel.
Transition is a personal journey, and with good resources it can be an easy path to follow, but the inner emotional journey is often difficult. That is where your support groups can lend you the most help. Friends you meet while transitioning too, will become some lifelong friends and some very strong supporters. Be confident and strong and most of all stay true to yourself. Transition is your life and living it fully will give and bring you happiness and ultimately a fruitful journey and a fulfilling future.Source(s): MtF pre-op with two years transition completed
- Anonymous1 decade ago
The links that Katheryn gave are excellent. You say your family is slowly getting over it you need to let them have the time they need it will get better. Ask them if it would help if they attended some of your sessions with your Therapist and or your Endocrinologist, also a good support group in your area should be able to give you much relief
Good luckSource(s): T-Girl
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Here are two links one for some connections and one for therapists that you can look for in your area. With the therapists you can see if they have a group and maybe you can make a friend there.
If you can't at least your family is somewhat supportive. My family was so rejecting that they asked me to change my last name so people would not know me as associated with them anymore.
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- steffiLv 61 decade ago
are you in a ts support group at all? this helped me immensely.
i don't think i would take family with me to the endocrinologist but rather a supportive person. i'm m-f post-op. i was lucky enough to have a partner who went every step with me. but i went to the doctor alone. find a support group!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
i really wish your family would be there for you.
but, if youre really ready, then i suppose youll find a way to draw strength from within yourself.
youre very brave
and im glad youre making such a huge change.
because, you want to be who you really are.
i wish you great luck