Anonymous asked in Society & CultureHolidaysChristmas · 1 decade ago

What is a really funny dirty christmas joke?

and don't say anything about santa emptying his sack under your tree or something...


BTW, I had to make my cousin wait 18 days until I text her tonight at 10pm and tell her it. So it HAS to be good!

Update 2:

Merry Christmas to you too Hannah!

8 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Top 10 Things that Sound Dirty at Christmas, But Aren’t

    10. Did you get any under the tree?

    9. I think your balls are hanging too low.

    8. Check out Rudolph’s Honker!

    7. Santa’s sack is really bulging.

    6. Lift up the skirt so I can get a clean breath.

    5. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?

    4. I love licking the end till it’s really sharp and pointy.

    3. From here you can’t tell if they’re artificial or real.

    2. Can I interest you in some dark meat?

    1. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

    Christmas Card problem solved!

    Last Christmas, grandpa was feeling his age, and found that

    shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult. So he

    decided to send checks to everyone instead.

    In each card he wrote, “Buy your own present!” and mailed them


    He enjoyed the usual flurry of family festivities, and it was

    only after the holiday that he noticed that he had receiving very

    few cards in return. Puzzled over this, he went into his study,

    intending to write a couple of his relatives and ask what had

    happened. It was then, as he cleared off his cluttered desk that

    he got his answer. Under a stack of papers, he was horrified to

    find the gift checks which he had forgotten to enclose with the


    Addicted to the Web

    (Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

    Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,

    From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,

    I’m happy — although

    My boss let me go –

    Happily addicted to the Web.

    All night long, I sit clicking,

    Unaware time is ticking,

    There’s beard on my cheek,

    Same clothes for a week,

    Happily addicted to the Web!

    Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, “Yo, man!

    Don’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?”

    With a listless shrug, I mutter “No, man;

    I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!”

    I don’t phone, don’t send faxes,

    Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes,

    Who cares if someday

    They drag me away?

    I’m happily addicted to the Web!

    Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Ye

    A Car For Christmas

    Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away. ‘Okay.’ said his father ‘I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your ‘A’ level grades up to ‘A’s and ‘B’s, study your bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.’

    A couple of months later Danny went back to his father who said ‘I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.

    Danny was a smart young man who was never lost for an answer. ‘Look dad. In the course of my bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.’ ‘Yes. I’m aware of that…’ replied his father ‘… but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?’

    Reindeer Jokes:

    What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ?

    This one will sleigh you !

    Why is a reindeer like a gossip ?

    Because they are both tail bearers !

    Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?

    Because they would look silly in plastic macs !

    How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?

    Don’t feed it !

    Christmas Q & A’s

    Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?

    A: Missletoe!

    Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

    A: Frostbite.

    Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

    A: Because he had low elf esteem.

    Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

    A: So he can ho-ho-ho.

  • 3 years ago

    Christmas Jokes Dirty

  • 3 years ago

    Dirty Christmas Jokes

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A couple shared a Chrisrmas gift from the husband. The wife got panties that had 'Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus' written on them. Then in walked her husband in underwear that said 'Santa Claus'.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That should help & also try "Dirty christmas texts"

    Source(s): MERRY CHRISTMAS!
  • Bob A
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Why is Mrs.Claus so sad?

    Source(s): Because Santa olny comes once a year and even then he goes off in his sleigh.
  • 1 decade ago

    Who is a bigger pimp, Santa or the Easter Bunny?

    Santa, because he "ho, ho, ho"'s.

  • 1 decade ago

    wrap up someone's old (but clean) holey, ratted underwear for a gift!!!

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