What are good sources for child development in divorced families?
I live in a different state than my daughter. I want to have her for the summer but I am not sure this is the best for her development, being away from her home with her mother. I am doing research and I would love some direction and sources.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
By Fred Rogers.
Mr. Fred Rogers served as producer and host of the children's TV program Mister Rogers' Neighborhood for more than 30 years. While the last new episode was aired in 2001, the series continues to be broadcast to the latest generation of eager young viewers. An ordained Presbyterian minister, Fred Rogers has written widely about children and remains active in a variety of projects as head of Family Communications, Inc., in Pittsburgh.
Right beside my chair at Family Communications, Inc. is a piece of calligraphy which a good friend gave to me years ago. It's a quotation from The Little Prince by Antoine de St. Exupery: "L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux." ("What is essential is invisible to the eyes.") Those may seem like unexpected words to highlight in The World Almanac, where trends and changes are made very visible; nevertheless, I find those words, and what they stand for, to be more valuable every day. I thought of them especially in the wake of the "attacks" of Sept. 11, 2001.
Looking Behind the Figures
It takes time to go beyond what our eyes are seeing and to begin to listen with our hearts; nevertheless, that's the only way that we'll come to know truly what's happening in our society--by looking and listening behind and beyond the statistics, attempting to understand what helps families cope with the world of today.
Our Neighborhood television program has been broadcast on national public television for 33 seasons. People often ask what we've changed in our broadcasts over the years. Our answer: "Not much at all." To be sure, the outsides of many children's lives have changed--the figures in this almanac attest to that--divorce, number of children living with grandparents or in foster care, homelessness. But the insides of children's lives have not changed much at all! We human beings evolve very slowly, and, of course, that which remains the same is that which is truly essential (and invisible)!! Deep inside us, we want...and need...to know that we are loved and lovable, that we are capable of giving and receiving love.
It is only through our relationships that we come to know that we are loved. Children inevitably become aware of events in the outside world that may be upsetting, even frightening. Every child needs a place--a home, a room, a lap--where, in the company of a caring adult, he or she can feel safe. In this sanctuary, a child's sense of being a valuable person, and the feeling that life is worth the effort to live, can begin to take shape. Hope and trust that the world is, on the whole, a good place starts here. That's the foundation for all learning and healthy growing.
Dealing with Feelings
In the safe harbor of a caring relationship with an adult, children learn healthy ways to deal with their feelings about the outside changes in their lives. Saying goodbye to a parent at the beginning of a workday, dealing with divorce or domestic violence, or moving to another city--all that evokes strong feelings, and those feelings can be overwhelming and frightening. In Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, we have a saying: "Feelings are mentionable, and whatever is mentionable can be more manageable." What a gift we all give to children when we encourage them to talk about what makes them happy, jealous, angry, shy, afraid, or proud.
There's a Neighborhood song that we sing many times on our programs. It too seems to be more important than ever in today's world: "What do you do with the mad that you feel?" If we understand that anger is a reaction to feeling powerless or helpless we can better understand children's anger and help them know that it's okay to be angry, but we must help them also know that it's not okay to hurt anyone. We need to encourage them to find constructive ways of dealing with their so-called negative feelings...ways like pounding clay, playing instruments, running fast, stomping, building with blocks, drawing angry pictures. We also need to make limits and rules in order to help children develop self-control so they can stop themselves when they're about to do something that may hurt themselves or others. What a perfect time to say, "I'm proud of you"--when a child is about to hit someone but hesitates, finds control, and holds back.
Of course, most very young children don't yet have the ability to talk at length about what they're feeling. It's mostly through their play that they are able to deal with the stresses in their lives. Children need open-ended playthings, so they can make their fantasy world be what they need. They need to be able to control what happens to their toys, cars, or stuffed animals, even though they aren't able to control many of the other things in their lives. Obviously, they can't "control" their parents' divorce or a move to another home or a new baby's arrival into the family. Children need to have a chance to re-work their feelings about what has happened in their lives, and they do this throSource(s): Source Citation:"Helping Children Cope in Today's World." World Almanac and Book of Facts. World Almanac Education Group, 2002. 534. General OneFile. Gale. CONNALLY HIGH SCHOOL - Austin. 24 Dec. 2008 Source Citation:"Being an effective parent." Report by: U.S. Department of Education (Jan 2005): NA. General OneFile. Gale. CONNALLY HIGH SCHOOL - Austin. 24 Dec. 2008 <http://find.galegroup.com/ips/start.do?prodId=IPS>...
- charlierLv 43 years ago
How Divorce Affects Children First of all, divorce is probably disturbing for kids. Second, divorce obviously raises the hazard that kids will undergo from mental and behavioral issues. Third — and that is very fundamental, the excellent majority of kids whose mothers and fathers divorce don't expand all these severe behavioral or emotional issues. Most kids from divorced households are resilient, particularly whilst their mothers and fathers do a moderately well activity handling the strain of divorce. Fourth — and this may be very fundamental, many resilient kids nonetheless record painful recollections and ongoing issues approximately divorce, their relationships with their mothers and fathers, and their mothers and fathers' dating with every different To learn extra: