Abusive Boyfriend...? 10 points best answer?

Im doing a project for my english class , i had to choose a topic and i decided to write about Abusive boyfriends...this is how i started out...tell me if its any good? and what should i write for the 3rd paragraph on Annies diary...in her point of view??? thank you so much i really appreciate it

Everyone has heard about how sometimes love can hurt, but that does not mean it has to be physically hurt. Someone who realy loves you should never abuse you. A healthy relationship incolves respect, trust and communication. Dont ever let someone put their hands on you...As soon as you start seeing signs, leave before its to late...

Annie was an averange 15 year old girl who lived with her single mother. She met this one guy that she was secretely in love with over a year. His name was John and he was one of the most populest kids in school, he was a jock and all the girls went crazy over him. When they finally started going out, it was like a dream come true. Everything went great, at first he would always take her out and tell her things a girl would die to hear. Love was in the air and life was good. Until one day, things got a little out of hands, eveything just seemed to flip around. Annies dream turned into a nightmare...

Annies diary...

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Update:

woah sorry for all the mistakes, i was typing with out correcting myself =/

Update 2:

ooh come on, kill him? annie is gonna stay with him because she loves him and shes scared to leave

16 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I like your second paragraph the best.

    The first one's almost a little too obvious, y'know?

    With a few fragments here and there.

    So I'd edit the paragraphs to something like:

    Everyone has heard about how love can hurt, but sometimes that's a little more real that we want it to be. If anyone really loves someone, they should never abuse them. Healthy relationships involve respect, communication, and most importantly trust. Don't let someone put their hands on you when you know it's wrong, it could go too far one day.

    Annie was an average fifteen [always spell out the word] year old girl who lived with her single mother. Later on she fell in love with one of the most popular dream boys around, John. Then Annie's dreams came true: He became hers. The boy seemed like a true gentleman, telling her things anyone would love to hear, causing her life to be a true fairy-tale. But then the pages of her fairy-tale started turning, and he turned into something far from a prince charming.

    For Annie's diary, I'm not going to type something like this out for you, mainly because I know this is your project, and I love editing. Therefore I've already jumped in on that... xD

    But here's what could happen: Most guys are extremely touchy. Very sexual, and wanting. Have him try to lure her into something a little over-board like sex, or something similar. When she turns him down, he'll start to yell at her. She'll get scared, and probably try to run or hide. Then he'll chase, and abuse till he gets what he wants.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well having read this it sounds old and already predictable. It feels like as soon as anyone begins reading your story they can pretty much guess what is going to happen next. Maybe you should begin the story at the end where she is hiding for her life or fighting for her life in the hospital because that sounds like where it is going. I don't think that after knowing him for a year even if it was from a distance that she wouldn't have heard rumors or witnessed his actions to other girlfriends that would have indicated his abusiveness. Maybe you could write about how this girl, once realizing his behavior decides she isn't interested in him in a romantic way but wants to help him break the cycle or at least point him in the right direction of recovery instead of the girl being ignorant an fall for the same old routine as other women. Not all women stick around and take the punishment.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you should mention more about how he gains her trust. A lot of the time the abuse begins emotionally before physically. Often by the time any violence takes places, the victim starts to believe he or she deserves it. I would say that everything had flipped around, but perhaps from Annie's point of view she would be confused as to what she did wrong as opposed to angry. Sounds ridiculous but that's how these bastards can make people think. I guess i think that would highlight the abuse even more - the fact that its emotional and physical, yet she doesn't realise it is abuse at first..

    Meh..thats just what my mum told me from her experience of my father abusing her years ago..

    p.s. I think it's great so far - i wasn't being critical, the shock side of it comes out really well in your writing, i was suggesting for the third paragraph :)

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  • jamie
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Wow, I like it so far! Good job! Who cares about spelling/grammar errors! Those are suppose to be fixed only in a final draft.

    If the 3rd paragraph is in Annie's words, maybe start it out by her speaking of how much she is involved with him and how happy she is and take it to the point where she realizes what is happening is wrong. Or even tell what he has done to her?

    If it's not in her words.. you can still do a similar short run through of how things were until the point of the abuse. Or even start it with her hurting, and maybe backtrack and explain what happen up until that point?

    There's really a lot of ways you can go!

    Good luck!

    : )

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  • 1 decade ago

    you should use more details on the characters and scenes. For your 3rd paragraph, you should maybe Annie would show up and the boyfriends' house and the house would be a tiny beat up shack. That would be VERY unpredictable and would make the reader continue reading. You need to be very descriptive of the house though

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wow that is pretty darn good, keep going!

    For a third paragraph I would detail the kinds of abuse he did to her, and for the fourth paragraph I would say what she did to get away from it and what she has been doing since him (if she's still around).

    Good luck with it, if you need any help just e-mail me or whatever idc...

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  • 1 decade ago

    preeetttty good but idk what you should write for the diary part... maybe something like: dinner was going great but then my friend mark called and john got really jealous. He was so annoyed at me for answering the phone call but it was only about homework. i didnt think it was a big deal because we were leaving in a few minutes and mark was one of my best friends. He grabbed my phone and threw it on the ground. Then he pulled my arm really hard and yanked me aside and said, "what are you doing?! why are you talking to him?" .... you get the picture? continue from there :]

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  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Im sorta going through the same right now.. Give it some time till he realises how his been treating you you have self respect right so let him know that your not taking any of his bull ** anymore, then he will realise his got a woman and then he wont think your always there for him even when he treats you like crap. He will gain respect if you show him that your not accepting any crap from him, let him know your not happy if he calls once dont pick up then if he calls twice pick up act cool but dont be very sweet with him like usual, say if you dont start treating me with respect your gona realise what you have once you loose it :) be strong dont show him your weakness if you do youl be wrap around his lil finger and he will think,, nah she wont leave me its cool i got her but if he sees that he might loose you he will act differently..

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  • 1 decade ago

    She cried a river and enjoyed playing the victim role getting attention from all the woman and people feelling sorry for her.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you should mention abusive girlfreinds too- guys arent the only bad guys in the abusive bisness. just saying, like i read this book once about this guy who was like staled by this girl then one day he finaly started going out with her and she was all sweet at first but then... she got abusive it was like crazy she was MEAN... it was called the perfect boyfreind or something....

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