西瓜熊 asked in 社會與文化語言 · 1 decade ago

請告訴我本身寫作的缺點,可以給我改進的方式更好

以下是我在寫作課中寫的文章

請幫我看看我的問題在哪邊

我想要好好的改正然後讓我可以更進步一點

謝謝

My hometown

The warmest and best weather city in Taiwan must be Taichung city. I have been lived in Taichung for twenty years, and I must be the person known every thing here.

I love this city not only because of the good weather and friendly people but also the delicious snacks and cultural streets. The first thing is the bubble tea, the most popular drinks in Taiwan, which is made by milk and black tea plus pearls. The bubble tea taste sweet, chewing, and you can eat with some sun cookies. You will enjoy it very much.

Another thing is the Fongjia night market which is one of the top three night markets in Taiwan, and there are also a lot of delicious snacks. The place is so popular for young people and people can buy much cheap fashion stuff, and even you can practice your bargaining skill. At night if you do not want to a noisy place, you just go to the Taiwan arts museum which is quite good for mates and the quiet green nature place must make people feel comfortable. I wonder Taichung is really a fun city with great meals.

Any way Taichung is always spring and comfortable if you want to enjoy the two kinds of bustling and quiet, you can come to Taichung which might be the best easy travel in Taiwan.

2 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    My Hometown

    Taichung is the city with remarkably warm and good weather in Taiwan [1]. I have been living [2] in Taichung for twenty years, so I am very familiar with everything around there. [3]

    I love this city not only because of its [4] good weather and friendly people but also its [4] delicious snacks and cultural heritage [w]. The first thing is the bubble tea, the most popular drink [w] in Taiwan, which is made with [w] milk, black tea and [5] tapioca pearls [6]. The bubble tea tastes [w] sweet and the tapioca pearls are chewy [s]. It can be served [s] with some cookies [7]. You will enjoy it very much.

    Another thing is the Fongjia's [w] night market which is one of the top three night markets in Taiwan. You can find a lot of delicious snacks here. [s] The place is so popular among [w] young people and people can buy a lot of [w] cheap fashion stuff, and you can even [s] practice your bargaining skill. At night, if you do not want to go to [s] a noisy place, you can [s] just go to the Taiwan arts museum which is quite suitable [w] for mates. This [s] quiet green natural [w] place will [8] make people feel comfortable. It amazes me that [s] Taichung is really a fun city with delicious food [w].

    In conclusion, [w] Taichung is always in [s] spring and comfortable. If [s] you want to experience the mixture of a bustling city and a quiet city [s], you can come to Taichung as it is well worth a visit [s] in Taiwan.

    Remarks:

    1) weather 是名詞,不能與另一個名詞疊放在一塊作形容詞修飾它,因此調整句型,同時讓句子構造簡練一些。人們無法預測哪裡的氣候最好,所以改用 remarkably 替代

    2)這裡使用 lived 表示被動,意思層面有誤

    3) 寫作有一定的格式與言語使用,句型應簡練,意思層面須簡明

    4) 這裡使用所有格形式its來指明事物能讓意思層面更簡明

    5) 寫作時應使用恰當或正式的詞語及言語,這裡 plus 不適合取代 and

    6) pearl 是不能食用的珍珠;tapioca pearl 則是能食用的珍珠般圓粉

    7) 太陽餅是專有名詞,應該放大寫,不過你也能考慮移除多餘的詞語

    8) 注意你的情態動詞的用法,兩語之間的情態動詞的用法在意思表達層面上略有不同。你第一段和最後一段的最後一句的情態動詞都用的不恰當。

    [w]: 此段落原文具有錯字與詞語濫用問題

    [s]: 此段落原文具有句型問題(如語病或構造不符合文法等問題)

    你的問題根源是語言知識不足,以致不善表達言語以及略有詞語濫用和語病問題,需要充分閱讀書籍以覆蓋英語全面語言知識。

    2008-12-20 16:06:55 補充:

    還有,把 The place is so popular... 改成 It is very popular...

    你原文的第一段的第一句同樣也是濫用情態動詞,不應該寫 must be,用 is就行了,不過由於句子還有其他語病,於是我便把句型給改了。

    2008-12-23 11:53:08 補充:

    感謝恐龍給的建議,台灣的氣候如何我倒是不清楚,不過你說得也對,所以我建議改成:

    Taichung is one of the cities with...

    Source(s): 自己
  • 恐龍
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    小小吐個槽 ^^"

    我建議把第一句的 the city 改成 a city,因為 the 是定冠詞,有指定的意思。如果用 the city 的話,好像就變成台灣只有台中才是這樣的城市。我想應該不只台中才有好天氣吧 ^o^

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