asked in 藝術與人文書籍與作家 · 1 decade ago

誰可以幫我以托福寫作的方式修改

以IBT的標準來批改,像是我的排版或是結構,在托福寫作裡會拿到什麼等級的分數,並且要怎麼修改才能在寫作裡拿到好分數,並且教導我如何organization&development.或是提供更好的opinion to write the essay.或是offer some ideas.謝謝

Image that you have recieved some lands you to ues as you wish. How would you use them?

If I have some lands that I could use,Iwould like to run a big hotel.If the lands located in a nice place with some scenery,it should be more appropriate to build a hotel.

Why I would like to run a hotel because of some factory.First,running a hotel can earn much money automatically.Just hire some employees that are in charge of every department in the hotel.It could earn much money by this.Besides,If some visitors come here to visit,many of them perhaps needs to stay for many days.I can offer all the rooms for those of them who want to stay.Building a hotel could stimulate the economy in the place where your lands locate.For instance,some visitor might do something that bring the finances,like consumers shopping,some famous stars having some concert here.If the hotel is built in lands where have some beautiful scenery,it is more appropriate to run a hotel.

In conclusion,running a hotel is the best way that I want to do in some lands.Not only brings the finances,but also brings the flourishment.

That's why I would like to run a big hotel in some lands.

1 Answer

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  • 阿鴻
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

      我目前正與朋友試辦[英文寫作Debug計劃]從作者文章當中找出缺失,並提供解決之道,如果你有興趣,可以把我加入好友

    (我們已經有規劃成功的中文小說Debug計劃 www.good-reading.com 因此想再增設英文寫作,目前仍在免費試驗階段)

    MSN與EMAIL:www.good-reading.com@hotmail.com 

    即時通:sihon_z

    加入MSN或即時通好友時,請務必告知你是為了小說Debug計劃才把我加入的。即時通或msn選擇一樣加入即可。

    2008-12-21 10:31:48 補充:

      這是我朋友花很多時間幫你找出來的缺失與相關教學,如下:

    (1)scenery這個字只是指「風景」,可能有好的風景,也有差的風景,所以前面加一個great,比較能表現出風景是不錯的。

    (2)Why I would like to run a hotel because of some factors.基本上,why放句子前面是疑問句的意思,可是此句又不是疑問句。另外,這個句子沒有主詞,「I would like…」並不是真正的主詞與動詞。真正的主詞與動詞,前面不能有連接詞或介係詞。

    (3)earn money是指用勞力,辛苦得來的錢,可是後面卻有一個automatically表示錢是自動進來的,這樣會互相矛盾。

    (4)just hire some employees前面若沒有主詞,會變成「命令句」,所以要放入「all you have to do」來當主詞,句子會比較通順。

    (5)「stimulate the economy」這句話是「中式英文」,英文沒有這樣的用法。

    (6)「帶來錢潮」用「bring the fianance」仍是「中式英文」,要避免。要記得,你的中文功力絕對是很好,但是你的英文功力還在幼稚園階段,試圖用高級的中文轉換成英文,會讓你的英文文章不倫不類,就好像你聽到一個幼稚園小學生突然說出大人在說的話時,你會覺得很奇怪,一樣的道理。

    (7)where是關係代名詞,後面的have要用there is才適當,這樣才有主詞與動詞。

    (8)倒數第二行 Not only 這一句你沒有寫出主詞,只有動詞,所以前面要加個主詞。

    建議:

    1. 文中所使用的「some」這個字要適量。

    2. 盡量用自己會的單字寫作,不要想到中文後,用翻譯機翻譯,這樣會使文章不協調。

    3. 其餘都寫得很好,很有深度。

      還有一些贅字刪除的部分,因為這裡無法張貼WORD的特殊格式,所以沒給,趁這個機會跟你要這篇文章,我想將他張貼到網站上,當作範例,除了你可以看到刪除掉的贅字部分,其他網也能看到這則教學範例。

      請回信給我,是否您願意將這篇文章張貼在我們的網站當範例,我的信箱:sihon_z@yahoo.com.tw

    Source(s): www.good-reading.com
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