Is it in good taste to move a wedding date up?
Our wedding is in July. However, due to the economy getting worse, and an impending job layoff(yours truly) we are thinking about moving the wedding up, making it a smaller occasion, more simple, and having it in the off peak season to save on some money. Plus we want to pull it off before the economy weakens even more.
However, I am worried about getting things lined up (the date, the church, the bridal party and so on), and about people thinking we are doing it for the wrong reasons with rumors flying around that we are pregnant.
What is the etiquette for this? Is this in good taste? I just need some ideas or opinions please.
We are not getting married in a court. I want to get married in a church and make it about God and us. I dont want to take the Lord out of our marriage. But we are going to make it smaller!
- DanielleLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
I think your concerns on the economy are valid especially since you may be laid off soon. whether or not you change the date, you should definitely scale down the festivities if you're going to be unemployed. don't listen to naysayers or rumors, your life is your own and those who judge you will be judged in the end, right? don't be concerned about outward appearances, but rather practicality. as long as you haven't sent invites yet, you can change your date whenever you want.
- 1 decade ago
As long as you have sent no formal invitation it is perfectly fine to adjust the date one way or the other. I would also look at more simple ideas for a wedding that give an intimate air as well as save money:
1) use a Family home or if you have a military family the VFW for the service and reception
2) Don't have a full dinner opt for a simple cake and coffee/cocktails reception - or have a buffet over a sit down affair it is about 1/3 the cost since you require less staffing.
3) Use a Family dress to get married - it is very sentimental and can save you a bundle
4) Look for a Formal wear outlet (like Jessica McClintock) or consider renting for attendants attire
5)If you are heart set on a Church wedding look at churches where you can rent the community hall for the reception it can really save to keep everything in one location and makes it less likely you will be late to the reception.
6)Have a friend take photos/video (saves about $2500) then only print the ones you like best for display and gifts.
7) Skip the "favors" they are forgotten or wasted anyway and that will save money.
My biggest recommendation is to make a list of what is absolutely important and a second of "nice to have" a third of "frivolous" and then plan only from the first list.
- TbbyLv 41 decade ago
So long as you have not already sent out invitations or save the date cards, there is no reason that you shouldn't be able to move up your wedding date with very little drama.
First, I would conference with all the major players such as the immediate families and the bridal party to make sure that there is a date when everyone will be available.
If you can all agree on a date, you may have to make some concessions as to the venue or other details. But if you are already willing to cut down your guest list and simplify your decor and so on, then I think you will be in the right frame of mind to give up any other things that may arise due to a date change.
As for rumors that you are pregnant, who cares? They will find out soon enough that you aren't when you do not give birth in 9 months.
- 1 decade ago
Well Hun, What you could do is call other places to see what dates are available before you inform anyone of the date change. If everything falls together then book it. You and your soon to be husband are entitled to worry about the economy getting worse. I think most people would totally agree and understand why your doing it. If they don't then well in nicer terms "bugger off". Because it is you and your husbands day no one else's. Do what feels right for you guys. And if people start rumors that your pregnant and that was the reason, well they would be proven wrong when there is no baby.
Just do your reaserch and see if it would be do-able with the places you already have booked.
Congratulation! hope it all works out for you guys.
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- BeatriceBattenLv 71 decade ago
This is fine. It's certainly not in poor etiquette. People who assume it's because you're pregnant are the rude ones. If anyone is rude enough to ask, just smile and say, "Our financial situation changed and we feel it's a better idea to marry earlier than later." You really don't owe them an explanation. "Because we wanted to" is reason enough.
However, if you've already invited people to the later wedding, and then don't invite them to the smaller and earlier wedding ... then, yeah, that's pretty rude. Don't get me wrong, I totally understand your reasoning for needing to do so, but it's still not too polite. The exception would be if you are ONLY inviting your absolute nearest and dearest to the small wedding - like, your parents, siblings, grandparents and closest friends, maybe a total of 20 people or so. In this case, you can legitimately say that you didn't have enough money to invite everyone you originally wanted to, and people should understand.
But if you have already invited 200 people to your big wedding, and then invite only 120 to the smaller wedding - then that's rude. Those 40 people would probably be offended, and with good reason. In that case, you'd be more polite to postpone the wedding until you can save up enough money to invite the 200 people you'd originally promised an invite to (or cut it back to those super-close 20 people).
But if you haven't already invited anyone yet (verbally or with a paper invite or Save the Date card), then do what you wish.
As far as planning everything in time - take care of the basics first (photographer, church, reception hall, catering, license, music, chairs and tables, outfits), and leave the little stuff for later so that you can scrap it if time/money runs out (favors, flowers, limos, etc.). Figure out what you really want, and what you could stand to do without if push came to shove. You need to feed, seat and entertain your guests - they won't mind if you wind up getting cheap and fast invites, or if you use your own car instead of a limo, or if you don't offer favors. They WILL mind if you run out of food or don't rent enough chairs for everyone to sit down.
- Sandy EgoLv 71 decade ago
It sounds like you haven't taken any steps to set anything in stone yet - so at this stage, it makes sense to move it up if you think it will help you guys. If you had already sent out your invites, it would obviously be in bad taste to "un-invite" people - but it doesn't sound like you have done so. As far as the rumors go - you can't help it; people will gossip. They will figure it out after a few months have passed and you don't have a baby.
- eeLv 51 decade ago
Check with the Church.
The Catholic Church in the Trenton Diocese requires 1 years notice, but in Hartford CT it is only six months. In New Jersey the Churches prefer you contact them before the catering facility.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I think it's a good idea to move it up, simplify it and cut costs where you can. My husband and I got married 3 years ago and I'm glad we did when we did - since then, the economy has just continuously gone downhill. It is scary out there!
- 1 decade ago
if you are going to loose your job, why don't you skip the money wasting scene and get married in court? save your money, you will need it later. Getting married is about love and marriage, not about a party whether big or small.