From a young lady who needs good advice: Do u believe in second chances in serious relationships?

no matter what he/she did, or if they left, anything that hurt u deeply, did u give he/she a second chance because u loved him/her? or have u seen it done? I've even seen divorced people get re-married and seen people make up in their marriage if they cheated. I never knew how they got thru it, but I know it is possible. I kind of need the advice, and please don't be rude and one-sided. What do u think about it, and how long do u think it would take to actually give the relationship a second chance when u know u still really love the person. U know you're human and u r going to make mistakes, but u just can't help but u worry "What if it might happen again"? Please, try not to be rude because I know the "2nd chance" topic is personal feelings from what u went thru, but I can use the help. thank you all :)

Update:

no I wasn't abused. no no no but thank u :)

16 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If you really still love the person, time will not be a factor in giving the person a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes and you have to decide to FORGIVE and ACCEPT the fact that whatever happened happened and then move forward...together.

    Some people do not make the same mistake twice so if he understood that he made a mistake and fessed up to it if I confronted him about it, I would TRUST that he would not travel that path again. I am not going to live my life looking over my shoulder wondering if he is doing dumb stuff all our lives. He would need to grow the h3ll up.

    I don't know anyone in my past that would want to become a part of my present and stick around for the future. But if there were someone, and I had a situation like you described and I still loved him, I would follow my advice and FORGIVE, ACCEPT and TRUST,

    Best of luck to you!

  • 1 decade ago

    It's tough, but it's not impossible. A relationship re-try definitely has some built in hardships to it, but it's not entirely impossible. The things I would watch out for are hidden anger or resentment, the same recurring issues, inability to forgive the past, things along those lines. But if two people are willing to give it the best chance possible, it can work. I really think that if you're looking to get back into a relationship with an ex, then you should get couples counseling. The fact is, if the relationship failed the first time, you might need a professional or an objective opinion to help you mend the relationship. If you could have worked it out on your own, then you would have, right? So I think in a situation like that couples counseling would give the couple the best chance at survival. It's all in how much you are willing to put into it and how much you are willing to risk. It's risking a lot, going into it knowing that there's a good chance it might not work out. It's up to the two of you to decide if it's worth the risk, time, effort, and energy. But if it's what the two of you want, then counseling can assist communication, deal with past and present issues, forgive things that have happened in the past, and just work things out in general. You're right, we are all human, and we do make mistakes, but whether or not that mistake is something the two of you can get past depends on the mistake and on the two of you. I hope that helps.

    Source(s): Army Wife. Psychologist. Nurse.
  • 1 decade ago

    I think each person is different in what they consider "deal breakers". You have to decide if what he did was a deal breaker or not. If so, and you decide to give him a second chance, what are you going to do if he does it again? What if you then get married, make a kid, buy a house together, and he does it again?

    Me personally, if I don't have that much invested in the relationship other than my time, and he does a deal breaker, then the deal is off. There are plenty of other men out there who might have better morals, character, more respect for me etc. Usually, it's a big red warning flag that you simply shouldn't ignore, or else you will find yourself married, with kids to raise, bills to pay, and feeling trapped with a guy who just wasn't a very good match for you because you ignored the red flags early on in the relationship.

    Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have no ability to make decisions. Your love doesn't dictate your behavior, it's your common sense that you should rely on.

    Good Luck

  • 1 decade ago

    yes of course!! But it depends on the situation right? In the past ive had several boyfriends who cheated on me and we were together for at least two years. I couldnt give those guys a second chance b/c i just do not believe in cheating. However, for my boyfriend now i did give him a second chance. We broke up over financial issues and i was pregant (unplanned). so we had alot on our plate. We broke up when our baby was one month old and now we are back together. We just needed time apart to think and now he has come to his senses and is paying me child support and being a great father and boyfriend. I love him dearly and cant imagine being without him. But he never cheated on me or anything like that. So yes i believe in second chances but it depends on the guy and what he has done. I would never take back a cheater, womanizer, or an abuser. But in my case, my guy isnt abusive or a cheater. He was just cheap with money. Now he's better and we are going strong.

    Good luck and hope things work out and you guys do hte right thing.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It depends on the circumstances and what you can deal with. I gave my first husband a second chance and he did worse when he cheated the second time around (full blown relationship). Also, rebuilding trust is a painful process. If a person is sincere it will be worth it. If not then the pain is worse because you feel like you wasted your time. Whatever you decide to do, take your time and don't let anyone influence your decision because you have to live with the consequences. I absolutely believe in second chances because God forgives us on a daily basis. Even with that, God is not a fool and a person can't sin without reaping discipline in some form from God. Same way with a relationship. Don't be a fool. A person can't keep hurting another person without consequences. Listen to your intuition and be patient with yourself. Don't rush your decision and talk talk talk to the one you love to see where his/her head is at. That will help you too.

  • 1 decade ago

    this is all my opinion and something that happened to me..

    my fiance messed up, big time...he cheated and lied about it and it absolutely killed me..never have i ever taken a second look at a cheater, but i love this man with my whole heart. he is my life, my reason, my everything. no matter what i was willing to try again 1000% with everything i could do..even though just me working wasn't going to work...for about a month (give or take a little) i was the one doing all the work..and it wasn't working..we were fighting he was complaining he wanted me to be with someone who would be good to me..but i loved him...he agree to try one last time 50/50, instead of 90/10...we both worked our butts off trying to make our love last. reading the Bible, going to church together(we did before), and just trying to be the best we could together...its been 4 months now..we've had an anniversary and couldn't be better..we tend to get down if the past comes up..but we always work our way through it...i believe in second chances because it has put a smile on my face and in my heart everyday...we've had the best holiday season of our lives so far-living, laughing, and loving!

    i hope the best of luck to you and your significant other (if that is what you want) and my PRAYERS will be with you!

  • 1 decade ago

    I believe in second chances, except for if you are being abused. My husband once cheated and forgiving him was the best decision I have made. It took nearly a year but I believe if both sides want to work it out anything is possible. Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    No one is perfect in this world, everyone makes mistakes, and if you still love that person then why not give another chance...like Jesus did to us..never ending give of forgiveness's...Maybe for the second time it works. Forgive it once..but for second time it happened again, turn him down, don't waste your time or tears to that kind of relation..move forward..remember we live only once..so do the best of it, an God always Center in your Life... God Bless & Good luck.

  • Zelda
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Second chances are okay for some things, but not for everything. We all makes mistakes, but everyone should have a limit to what they will put up with. One drunken kiss? Well, ok, if you love them, you can get over it. Murdered your sister and burned down your house in an attempt to conceal the evidence? I sure hope you wouldn't grant a second chance after that.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    As long as it is something you are convinced you can put behind, it is always possible to give your loved one a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has different levels of tolerance so what is forgivable to you, might not be for someone else. Communication is key, whatever you decide to do, good luck.

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