My husband had an affair?

we decided to work on our marriage and stay together.Rumors started to fly that his for lack of a better word ''mistress'' was pregnant. I asked him he told me it might be his.Tonite we had a few beers and he got on his knees grabbed my hands and told me the baby is already here. He gripped his chest and cried and apologized and told me he loved me and was never leaving. We have four kids two boys by him and two girls from my ex.I am thinking about taking my taxes throwing him out and ending our marriage. But then I think he is being honest and loves me. Then I think of our sons 10 months and 2. I want them to have their daddy. But then I say I am not a door mat. And I know there is no ''forgiving'' an affair ending with a child. Anyways my heart says stay head says run. What should I do?

15 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    wow, I feel for you. That's a tough spot to be in. I don't know your religion or belief system, but here's my "opinion" anyway.

    God's plan is for one woman for one man for life. I know that sucks to hear, but it's true. That's why the vows are before God. Marriage means you are now one flesh. Our feel-good culture will tell you that's old fashioned, but that doesn't make it any less true.

    "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." - I Corinthians 7:10,11

    So, the split-up shouldn't happen in the first place, but if it does, remember, you took a vow before God and became one flesh. In His eyes, that hasn't changed even if you split up. Hooking up with someone else is cheating on your husband.

    NOW!!~ having said that - why would it put that "if" in there?

    "It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." - Matthew 5:31,32

    That was Jesus Himself talking in that one. "saving for the cause of fornication".

    God's plan is perfect, but because of man's sin and foolishness, this is the ONE and ONLY exception to the rule. If he has committed fornication in your relationship, then you do not HAVE to forgive him. BUT in the next chapter:

    "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matt. 6:14,15

    If it is impossible to live with him anymore because of his sin of fornication, then you may have to leave him. But think of what that means - since you are still one flesh you can never be with another man again EVER until your living husband's death. "till death do us part" Otherwise you too are committing adultery and are just as bad as he is. But you must still forgive him if you want forgiveness yourself.

    Also, in reference to your last husband. You need to start your relationship with Christ from where you are now, TODAY. If you have been married before, and have married again, don't worry about it. Ask God for forgiveness and start brand new, and fresh, with this current husband, today.

    Harsh words and a no-nonsense approach, but I hope that using a Higher Authority than my own voice will help you.

    Source(s): King James Bible
  • 5 years ago

    Whatever it was no one can really know. I do know that most people who have affairs is not really for the sex, it is fro how the other person makes them feel about themselves. A man that feels unappreciated or criticized at home by his wife is vulnerable for any woman who pays him some attention and provides admiration and respect. This does not give an excuse for having an affair it only explains it. It appears you took him back without first working on why he had the affair. These are reasons you both need to work on. He cannot simply expect for you both to continue as if nothing has happened. Most men who have good will towards their wife (good intentions) do not just one day and wake up deciding to have an affair. Things happen in the marriage that causes a breakdown. trust me, if you and your husband were in tune with one another the affair would not have happened in the first place. In most affairs the cause is emotional even when there is sex involved. Now of course there are men that are just jerks and live life for self gratification only. You would be the one to know best what type of man your husband is. I hope you both make a decision on getting marital counseling to get the relationship between you both on stronger ground so that the bond will be so great that no one would be able to come between you both. Good luck hun and take care.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is something you have to decide on your own. As much as some may like to comment and tell you what is best for you & your family. But in all reality, only you know what your willing to deal with regarding this situation.

    I do feel for you & your children to have to be going through something so unfair though. And I do know that if you stay, your a stronger person than I am. Me personally, I would NEVER stay if my hubby had an affair and the fact that a baby has resulted will just be a constant reminder when he has to pay child support and has visitation because it's not that child's fault and regardless how the child got here, the child still needs & deserves love and support.

    Good luck to you and your family!

    Mary in Camden, MI

  • 1 decade ago

    You have a 10 month old and a 2 year old and you want to make sure they "have their daddy". Unfortunately, Daddy was out making a little sibling while you where at home tending to his small, impressionable children. He's being so bold and honest because now that the baby is here, he probably will have to pony up for child support. So, that money that should be going to clothe, feed and house your children together, will be also taking care of this other child. Let's not blame this newborn, they are innocent but his sudden, desperate, tear-filled admission to you was the prep-work for what's to come. Demand a DNA test. If the baby is his, then you have a tough choice to make. And you have to make the choice that is best not only for you, but for the happiness in your home for your kids. If there is resentment and hostility, coupled with a lack of trust, then it will be toxic for small children. Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    well everyone makes mistakes but this one is a hard one to swallow. men are dogs, they run around, they chase, they cheat and hope they dont get caught and when we do, then we beg for your forgiveness and ask for another chance. you have 2 children together and that makes it worth trying to stay together. staying with him doesn't make you a door mat, but you need to be honest with yourself and decide if you can welcome this baby into your life and home because it will happen, he will pay support and get visitation. this will be a difficult thing to explain to your children you have now. then there is the trust thing, which i am experienceing. i cheated on my wife with 3 different women this summer, i didn't sleep with them because i would get to drunk to function but the intention was there and she caught me. well reality hit when the last woman had an STD and my wife found out, she hasn't slept with me since because "i was being irresponsible, careless and an all around dope". I could have given my wife something that she would never get rid of. I have been caught with several women over the course of 5 years so i wont tell you that he wont do it agin, but I can tell you that i truely wont. i have destroyed my marriage, she sleeps on the couch, wont talk to me, wont confide in me, she just lives her life. there is alot to consider and asking people here isnt a good way to decide. so think about it all and decide what you can live with and at the same time by treating him fairly and the new child that will be in both your lives and your children

  • 1 decade ago

    If he truly loved you, he would have never cheated. You can always forgive, but never forget of what he did.

    You need to ask your self, deep down can you handle being with him after knowning that he cheated on you, got another woman pregnant and has another child out there? Could you live with that? If not, then girl kick him to the curb. He wasn't thinking about his future with you or your children when he decided to do this.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    now he is tied to her, forgive but~ you need to seek strong spiritual advise,

    he brought a human being into existence forever that is part him and part her, while he is married to you. that child will always know him as daddy and her as mommie

    would you trust him ever again? The best thing is she gives it up for adoption but she won't, for the child support.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He is a scumbag and a big coward he has the balls to cheat on you then when he is caught cries his little baby eyes out and begs for your forgiveness?Your a doormat sorry to say it.....Forgive him once you'll forgive him again,He cheats on you once he will cheat on you again...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Yes, of course it is possible to forgive an affair ending

    with a child...It is difficult but it can be done..

    It is your decision...

    Make your decision soon, don't waste years working on

    it and then divorce him...

  • 1 decade ago

    follow your heart. When you love someone you should try and forgive them ,especially when kids are involved.This will be hard and you can not hold it over his head whenever domestic disputes arise.However,strike 2 and he is out. Good luck and god bless.

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