*lil M* asked in Pregnancy & ParentingAdoption · 1 decade ago

If I adopted a child then then birth mother decided she wanted him back?

If I adopted a child then the birth mother decided she wanted him back could she be aloud to get him back? for whatever reason? Im looking into adoption, i have a few of my own but would like another child i think it would be great to adopt, but im hearing so many stories about mothers adopting a child then the birth mother fighting for her rights to get the child back? i guess i just wanna know what the reasons and circumstances would be if i adopted a child and the birth mother was fighting for him back, i guess i would just be heart broken if i adopted a child and got attached to him and then had to give him back to his birth mother who didn't want him in the first place.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    NO. This is a myth and hollywood made up nonsense. Once the biological family terminates their parental rights and the adoption is finalized then that is it, it is PERMANENT, LASTING AND BINDING.

    They do have the right to parent and can legally change their mind anytime before their rights are terminated- which they have to do willingly- but after that time then no. Most states say 48 -72 hours after the birth of a child before the biological parents can legally have the papers signed to terminate their rights for court. Each state varies on that time frame, so check your individual states laws.

    My son is adopted and came home from the hospital with us. He's almost 2 now. We checked with 3 lawyers and a judge and they all told us the same thing, once the termination of rights takes place there is no "oops I made a mistake" and once the adoption is finalized then there is no "I want them back now". It's over with and done.

    As for foster/adopt children that are placed for adoption through foster care are legally free to be adopted. That means that the biological family has tried through attempts to heal the situation and failed and the courts have stepped in, permanently removed their rights and contact with the children and made them free to be adopted as a ward of the state (the children that is). If you foster normally, then those children are not usually legally free as it were and do have the chance and possibility to go back to their biological families once the family receives the help, counselling and assistance they need to make the home situation more appropriate for the children in question, but that is a different side of foster care entirely.

    It doesn't matter if one adopts privately, through foster care or an agency. The law does not change. Once the termination of rights happens and things are final on paper in court then that's it. There is no "oops I made a mistake" type situation. Coercion is also against the law and most judges will look into the background of the adoption and question all sides to make sure that no form of coercion by any involved party took place. Legally in adoptions you can help pay for medical care during a pregnancy for a birth parent or to help with expenses related to their pregnancy during the process. That is absolutely appropriate, as is helping them with transportation to and from appointments related to the child or children in question. What is NOT allowed is buying them expensive gifts or promising huge sums of money if they allow you to adopt or buying them a house or apartment or things like that. That is coercion and it's illegal and both parties could end up in serious trouble.

    Just no that adoption is not a "set guarantee". Any biological parent who has not had their rights terminated legally can still change their mind during the time frame they have to do so in and say they want to parent. Most time social workers that help with adoptions won't like to place a child into an adoptive home situation until they are certain that the parents are going to terminate to cause less upset for everyone. Typically if they think that the parent may change their mind they may hold the child in a foster situation until the decision is declared before returning them to the biological parent (which does happen sometimes) or placing them into the home for adoption.

  • 4 years ago

    It sounds like you were planning an "independent" adoption- one arranged by birthparent(s) and adoptive parent(s), not by an adoption agency. If so, I don't think there is a way to get money back. Birthparents cannot sign a consent to adoption until after a child is born for good reasons, and the birthmother often does not realize the full impact of giving up her child until she gives birth. That is the point at which the child, and the biological bond they share, become more deeply real to her and the adoption decision has to be reconsidered. She might well be having feelings she never anticipated, and is struggling to figure out what is the best thing to do for the child and for herself. Can you have some understanding and compassion for her in this situation? I hope so, because then you will have taken a major step in your ability to be a good adoptive parent because you have empathy for the courage and loss and emotional struggles of a birthparent making a decision for adoption. I'm sorry your own hopes were shattered, and you have had financial loss. Have you considered other options? Apply at an agency, wait, consider the kinds of children waiting for homes, see if that lower risk adoption (through an agency) works better for you. Have you considered foster care? You can love and care for a child, contribute to the child's welfare, and some foster parents go on to adopt. Are there children already in your world-- distant relatives, for example, who could benefit from your help and interest in their welfare? Adoption is only one way to enjoy the satisfaction of helping a child grow up--- there are others. I hope your dreams for your own happiness in life come true.

  • 1 decade ago

    There's a time limit between the birth of a child, and the time that the consent to adopt forms forever bar a first parent to stop the adoption. In our state it's 10 days. And, those days are LONGGGGGGG waiting until they're over.

    I remember shaking so hard when I realized that the 10th day had expired in our son's adoption, and then, his first mom asked us to adopt again. 3 days after placing the 2nd baby, she changed her mind. In one way, it hurt as much as if she'd been ripped out of my own body, and at the same time, the mother instinct in me knew that she was feeling the same way. It's the hardest thing in the world, except for being the first mom who relinquishes. I can't imagine even having sex again after relinquishing one, much less being careless and becoming pregnant weeks after my son's birth.

    I'd much rather a mother take a child home for 30 days, if she has any decisions she's not 100% sure about, and then ask me to adopt if she realizes she either doesn't want, or just feels she can't parent the baby. And then, she should only place if she's 100% sure.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you adopt ethically, there is little possibility of that. If you are seeking a just born infant, then yes, some mothers do decide that they do not want to adopt out their child upon delivery. If you adopt through foster care, then you would be able to choose your 'risk level'. Some children will already have their parents' rights terminated. These children range in age, but most will be older--at least toddlers--since in most states the natural parents are given at least 15 months to correct the problems in their home. If you so choose, you can request that any child you take in already has their parents' rights terminated. Expect that, again, this child will be at least a toddler AND that you will wait a little longer, as there are many adoptive parents that choose this route and not a whole lot of children in the system who already have been released legally from both parents. Foster care adoption ONLY takes place when there is a HIGH probability that the parents will not change their home life/behavior, or they have done something that cannot be 'fixed' andthe child would be in danger by living in that home. Once a child has been referred to the adoption section of foster care, it is VERY likely that they will not be returned to their natural parents....but it is always a small risk....the parent could suddenly get on board. There is a term for the few parents who do this...suddenly getting involved when the child is up for adoption/termination of rights. Generally, this is a short lived effort on their part, but a small few do genuinely change for the better.

    Foster care adoption is free or nearly free, and once you adopt....once the parents rights are terminated, no, they cannot get their child back. Someone mentioned 'closed adoption' in their answer. That has NOTHING to do with rights to a child. Open adoption is always better for the child--if there has been no abuse. Closed adoptions simply mean that you share no pictures, updates, or any other mention with the natural parents. I HIGHLYsuggest that you always strive for an open adoption.

    <<Foster to adopt mommy.

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  • Molly
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    it doesn't work that way. First a parents parental rights are terminated in a court, and then there is a waiting period or appeal time. Every state is different on this. Wisconsin has a 30 day appeal time. After that 30 days a child can be adopted and as long as everything concerning the termination was done correctly by the law then there is no way for a bio parent to get them back.

  • 1 decade ago

    In my state the birth mother has 10 days after signing the papers to change her mind for ANY reason.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No that is not possible. I think there is a period where the mother can have time to "change her mind" or whatever but it depends on the state and is anytime between 30 to 90 days I believe. After that it's all said and done. If let's say the law in your State is 90 days and the birth mother decides to change her mind on day 91 too late! She will have no more rights to the child and he/she will legally be yours forever.

  • Randy
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    If an adoption is done properly, in accordance with the laws of your area, then the child is yours and can only be removed by a court who finds you an unfit parent, the same way that a biological child could only be removed from your care. If the birth mother wanted him/her back and it was outside of any appeal period (if there is one since children adopted through social services have already had that appeal period pass before they are placed with you for adoption) then there is nothing that she could do about it.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It depends on the state. They usually have a few days after signing away their rights to change their mind. The amount of time is usually different from state to state.

  • Lori A
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    hmmm sounds like you would be feeling the same thing the mother would be feeling, attachment. She may not want to let go either. So under those circumstances what do you believe would be in the best interest of the child?

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