Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

My first breakup hurt so bad! Why does this second breakup hurt more?!?

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  • 1 decade ago
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    Dude....it just hurts....it always will, even when you are 98 years old! If you loved her, you are going to feel pretty crappy about it and this may last a while! So be prepared! I read recently that men actually are worse at handling breakups and take longer to get over them. I know this has been the case with me! The first one sucked, the most recent one sucked and all in between sucked too! I hope I never have another one to be quite honest! It hurts no matter what, even if she was a pain in the @$$ and hurt you!

    Maybe when I was younger I didn't admit how bad it hurt. The first three were especially bad for me. After a dozen or so it gets easier but that doesn't mean it's easy! My last one was especially bad but I have once again moved on.

    I suggest (useful for both genders actually) the following Standard Post-Breakup Procedure:

    1) Get rid of her crap and any crap that reminds you of her! Mail it back to her, sell it, burn it, bury it or throw it into a large body of water.

    2) Do stuff she hated. If she hated camping, go camping. If she hated loud music, blare the tunes! If she hated a messy house, be a slob and leave the toilet seat up all day! If she hated drinking beer and watching football...well you get the idea....

    3) Find some cool guy friends to hang out with, drink, play video games or do whatever you enjoyed doing before she came into your life. You had a life before her, so take it back! Do what you enjoy doing most. It always helps to explore new interests too.

    4) Meet other girls. You don't necessarily have to sleep with them (but don't turn down a good thing either, of course!) but just find women to hang out with. Look at attractive women too. Don't be obnoxious or anything but ENJOY being single! There are lots of great things about being single. Sure having a GF is great but it's great too, to not have the responsibility of a relationship. So have fun with it but always be safe. Look at the bright side....You can go dancing at a club with drunk hoottchies grinding all over you all night and not have to explain why you smell like cheap purfume in the morning! HAHAHA! Is it really so bad being a single guy? There are MILLIONS of hot, single chicks in the world!

    5) Hit the gym! This will help you blow off some steam and channel your anger. You probably have a lot of both! If you aren't into lifting, try a sport of some kind or martial arts. Also, you will probably look better too which may help with step #4 listed above. Bonus!

    6) Look at the bright side of things. You will probably save money without a GF. You will have more time to get things done. You have freedom. Make a "To do" list of everything in your life you have neglected and start doing it. Stay busy. Put in more hours at work if you can. Fix your house. Write a book. Paint, draw, fish or do whatever it is you have been wanting or needing to do. Having no GF means you have TIME! No late night phone calls. No drama, fights or BS. You might feel lonely for a while but your life will be much less complicated without a GF, TRUST ME! I love women, don't get me wrong but being single for a while has it's good points too.

    7) Tell someone. Find a close friend you trust and tell the ONE person how you feel. Don't hold back. Just say whatever it is you feel about the situation. Then avoid talking about her! Don't dwell inthe past and repeat the same old stories about her to everyone you know. If someone asks about her, make it clear you don't want to discuss it or her. Don't speak bad of her either, in fact, say as little as possible and simply say "I wish her well." and say you have no hard feelings. Be the better person, even if she trashes you to other people.

    8) Avoid doing things that remind you of her, at least for a while. If there are things that bring back memories of her, try to change the memory....Example: If you two had 'your song' get a lap dance to it from a stripper! If you took her to some park, take another date there. This way you will have a new memory of that song, place or thing and the one of her will become a faded one.

    9) Don't blame yourself entirely. It takes two to make a relationship work. If you gave it your best effort and it didn't work out, SHE is as much to blame as you! Even if you made mistakes and she hates you for it, she was responsible for her own actions too, if she admits it or not. Most of the time, both parties are equally at fault. Other times too, it's not anyone's 'fault' and just wasn't meant to be.

    10) Forgive. This is the hardest thing to do sometimes. Admit you were wrong, if not to her then just admit it to yourself. She made some mistakes and you probably did too. If you still care about her, hope for the best for her. You'd probably want her to feel the same for you. Even if you still hate her and want her to fall out a window, understand that we learn something from every person we come in contact with. Learning isn't always easy. It can be painful but usually we end up stronger and wiser for it!

    Source(s): ME! Been through a lot of breakups.....I think about 14 of them, I lost count! Of of all of those there was only ONE I didn't feel bad about and that was such a horribly bad (psychob%^h from hell) situation that I was glad to be rid of it and her....the others hurt like hell, I won't lie. This is why I share my Standard Post-Breakup Procedure with you! Best of luck, I hope this helps!
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  • 1 decade ago

    If your thinking its because you loved one person more than the other, You're probably wrong.

    They both probably hurt the same, But.. Were you're Second Breakup occurred more recently, It seems like the second one hurt more.

    This may be incorrect though.

    You could of possibly felt more into the second relationship than the first. By this, I mean you felt like this relationship would last longer, And .. It would go better.

    These are the only solutions I can think of, I know they may not be as helpful as other answers.

    But I tried my best, Good luck.

    I hope you feel better about Your Breakup. :(

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    after a bad break up from our first relationship we automatically tell ourselves that the next one will be better and everything will work out. But when it doesnt we go our hopes up for nothing. we all go threw bad breakups and yeah they can be really rough. But just think of the great family and friends you have to help you get through it

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  • 4 years ago

    The pain of the breakup always depends on who you are breaking up with, not if it's the first, second, third, ect. I would need more information about your ex before I could tell you why it hurts.

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  • 1 decade ago

    my first breakup felt horrible too but i got back together with her within a day. i hope the second one doesnt hurt as much as the first did.

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  • 1 decade ago

    cuz u didn't learn from the first one. Or you must have cared more for the second person more then the first. And as you grow older and mature more you will find that you will learn more from relationships. if you are so hurt try to win her/him back. It will end your pain.

    Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You liked the second person more. I went through that. The first one hurt alot, but i didn't like the second

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    b/c it brings back all of the pain from the first one and adds the pain from the second one... also gives you a lot of anxiety about the possibility of it happening again and again... so you put up a shield and become very guarded...

    break-ups are also a time to reflect on your short-comings... "why do they keep breaking up with me? is it me? am i doing something wrong?"....

    break-ups are tough but spending the rest of your life with the first person you date isn't a very good idea... people change a lot as they grow up and usually couples that started at a young age tend to drift apart as their goals and thinking start to differ....

    you'll meet plenty of people along the way...

    Source(s): straight off the top of the dome!
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  • Missy
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It's life. Sad but true. I think as we get older our feelings in relationships go deeper. Therefore when the relationship ends it is far more painful.

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  • 1 decade ago

    because for the same reason that they done it once and because you get really in love like my mom says don't give all the love and all the money trust me on this one look for better people don't give your heart just like that k

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