What do you guys think about the intro to my novel?

To the start of my novel i posted this the other nite and have changed it i will post both intros to the prologue. Let me know what you guys think, and which one is better.

The old intro:

How can you hate someone you love for hurting you? I have wondered about this notion for many months over and over again and I keep coming to the same conclusion; you can’t. You can’t hate them because you love them so much you would rather that you got hurt instead of them, even if it meant they were the ones to inflict the worst pain imaginable onto your heart. Instead of hating them for hurting you, you hate yourself, for not being enough for them to love anymore to protect. See its as simple as that, I just can’t hate him.

The new intro:

How can you hate someone you love for hurting you? I have wondered about this notion for many months, over and over again, and still I keep coming to the same conclusion; you can’t. Because the love you process for them is so powerful you begin to blame yourself, even if they were they were the one to inflict the worst kind of pain imaginable onto your heart. You become furious with yourself, for not being enough for them to love and protect anymore. The power of love turns into the endless cycle of self disgust, making it impossible to loathe your lover, even him.

The above text, belongs to bella grace. Do not copy.

Update:

should be possess not process in the second intro.

9 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Streamlined it. Also, since at the end you say "him", you should be consistent and use that throughout.

    Can you hate someone you love for hurting you? I keep coming to the same conclusion; you can’t. Even if he inflicts the worst pain imaginable, you become furious that you're not enough for him to love and protect anymore. Love turns into self disgust, making it impossible to loathe him.

    I removed redundancies. Hope this helps! Just one point: it shouldn't be "love" turning into self disgust, because you said that "you can't hate him" so the love must still be there. Find another word.

  • 1 decade ago

    That is some pretty deep stuff there Bella.

    Well comparing the two intros i did not quite get this line in the old intro at first " You can’t hate them because you love them so much you would rather that you got hurt instead of them "

    Now the i would say i like the old intro better, with the new intro you seem to be attacking yourself more, you almost make it seem its your fault for getting hurt/cheated etc. I see more more anger towards one self in the second intro.

    Hope i have helped.

    Aly.

  • 1 decade ago

    First one is kool, second one is AWSUM!! You are a great writer.

    You should consider turning that into a song. WOW!! Now that would be kwl. If you end up doing the song thing then send it to me by mail...i would LOVE to read ur work. Im sooo adding u.

    Nice work!! hahhah thats so kwl..cya..

    Answer my question in travel Asian Pacific..Please.My user name is Emily.Kate..:)

    Source(s): haha me brain
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey Bella

    Wow, this is really good stuff. The first one is good but the second one is simply amazing. I want to read the rest, haha.

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  • Absolutely brilliant, the rest was also really good but the second was so much better than the first. Are you gonna continue to put the rest of it up and that would make interesting reading.

    Brilliant thanks

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The first one was good but the second one was better

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    To be honest, I'm struggling with anyone being able to analyse their reaction that detachedly and still be unable to come to the logical conclusion. If she's talking about someone else who she's observed, fine. If she's talking about herself it's just implausible. Either she blames him or she blames herself. She can't step away like that and say "It's his fault, but it's my fault".

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    yea im heading towards the second one... the first ones a bit informal :))

  • 1 decade ago

    the second one is AMAZING

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