Jane asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

My 17 year old little brother got a 37 year old woman pregnant; how am I supposed to break this story?

My little brother is a 17 year old freshman at Columbia University, and he'd been having a sexual liaison with a 37 year old woman that he met in a bar that he used a fake ID to gain entry. He confides everything in me, but I asked a similar question on Yahoo! Answers about a while ago on whether or not to confront my brother or his crazy friend with benefits and tell my parents, but everyone said he was practically an adult and that I should leave him alone.

That's what I did. I scolded him initially but figured it was his life, so I left it at that. Now, he tells me that his 20-year-age-difference friend is pregnant. This is terrible for both of us. If my parents are very traditional, strict Koreans with strong Christian faith convictions, and if they get even a hint that he'd been engaging in such debauchery with a white woman who's 20 years older than him, I know they'll cut his tuition and kick him out of the house when he turns 18. I too may well be forced to drop because I was strictly ordered to keep a good watch on my brother.

How can I break this story to my parents? They will likely kill us (not literally, of course, but you get the idea), but I think it's better to let them know now rather than have them find out months later. I'm so angry at this woman that got pregnant, who's always got that arrogant smirk on her face, but I don't know what to do. She said she'll get an abortion and she told my brother that she wanted to continue the relationship; I want to go strangle her. I can't believe I just stood by and watched her come up to his dorm and take him out for a wild night at her house before sending him back home. She's using him for his youth, and I don't care if the ******* age of consent in NY is 17; he's still a minor like it or not, and I think I need to do something before something really bad happens.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    wow; im korean too

    and i know what korean parents are like, they get mad over small things

    but this is too much; i think the 37 year old is stupid. she needs to grow up, having sex with a 17 year old is not right. and she can go to jail for having sex with a minor

    i live in ny too and ny's legal age for anything is 18.

    • Blade6 years agoReport

      It's called statutory rape

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    So what if he is a minor? he is fully capable of consenting to sex and is entitled to have it regardless of his backwards racist parents. i call your parents backwards and racist based on the info you gave in this question you said " if they get even a hint that he'd been engaging in such debauchery with a white woman who's 20 years older than him, I know they'll cut his tuition and kick him out of the house when he turns 18." The Rcae and age of the woman dont really matter at all, but the pregnancy does matter, I suppose its up to her whether she keeps it or not, but if she does your brother does have a responsibility towards it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm so sorry that this is happening to you and I completely understand how you;re feeling: I too, have a brother that just doesn't seem to have a brain of his own, sometimes.

    This is what I think: The woman is very much at fault here - at 37, she really doesn't have the excuse of inexperience and she should be expected to know how to use a condom/be on the pill. She just used your little bro who is an unexperienced young male full of hormones that doesn't even know what life is yet.

    See if you actually can sit it over, maybe, if she intends to abort, you shouldn't let your parents know at all - I mean it is going to be extra stress for them and all, especially since you know its not going to fly well. I think your bro should break it off with this trash and look for someone closer to his own age. Now that he has the "experience" and all. Also, not to scare you, but get him to test himself for STDs.

    Finally, I know how your parents can keep you "responsible" for your immature brother, but you have to realise that anything that happens to him is not your fault: he is an autonomous being and you have no control over his actions. Hopefully, he will learn from this, and you can be around for support and advice. Please don't stress yourself out and don't let it take a toll on YOUR life. At least he's not a girl who got HERSELF pregnant by a 37yrs old creeper in college.

    I know it;s hard but you have to let go. It;s a process and you can't oversee him forever. He'll have to grow up at some point. Don;t stress, nothing irreparable has occurred, really.

    hugs to you

    ~another fretting sis'~

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    either way they will find out because people talk...so tell now to save the trouble in the long run.

    he obviously is not traditional but he had it coming.

    but he is not yet an adult and is still 17.

    you cant buy cigarttes till you are 18 or older and you dont see them selling cigs to 17 year olds because they are practicly or near 18...because everyone knows they will go to jail for it.

    its considered statutory rape to have sex with a minor and it has the same rules.

    there could be a chance that its not his baby and he might need a maternity test and even a STD or disease test because theres no telling what she has and how long shes been in the bars leaving with who ever every night.

    she shouldnt have been with someone who looks young enough to be her own son anyway.

    but do talk to your parents about it because it shouldn't really be your responsibility to look out for your brother because you are not his parents.

    your parents should know and put an end to his foolish mistakes because he is still to young to be in a relationship, 22 is probly the best time to start a relationship but not yet to settle down.

    yea, yea, yea, its his fault but its not just him, she shouldnt just sleep with just anyone especially with out pretection.

    and if your parents cut him out at least he has you and if they cut both of your tuition off then do what everyone else does and get a

    "pel grant" or sometime of a grant that you dont have to pay back so you can finish schooling.

    really you should not be his responsibility and you need to tell the police for one now that she knows his age...who knows who else she s sleeping with younger then him.

    do what you think is right.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It's not your story to break hon. He's old enough to go around pointing that thing, then he's old enough to deal with the consequences when it goes off. Personally I think the woman is a predator and if I'd answered you're last question I'd have told you that straight out and told you to tell your parents. That being said, this woman and your brother need to start facing the consequences of their actions, including divulging their relationship to your parents. I know that you're worried for your little bro and that makes you a good big sister. It also makes you a good big sister to let him learn his life lessons. Support him emotionally all you can, but otherwise you stay out of it. This is his bed and he must lie in it. If I had anything to say to my parents in the same situation it would simply be that God says judge not least ye be judged.

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  • 1 decade ago

    i can tell that your on ur brothers side but some of it is ur brothers fault. You need to tell ur parents sooner or later because they will find out anyways. Ur brother is very fortunate that she is getting an abortion because he needs to continue on with his studys. I think its best if your brother ends the relationship AFTER the abortion. His a teenager and shes an mature lady, big age difference. Its disgusting.

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  • truly
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I don't like how you think you could have done anything to stop your brother from getting this woman pregnant. You don't have that much power. It is a shame that your parents put that kind of pressure on you. Your brother knows that you disapproved; he didn't care.

    You tell your brother that he has 1 week to tell your parents what he have been up to or you are going to tell them. Normally I would suggest that you stay out of it but in this case, your parents are going to be upset at you if they find out that you knew about this and didn't tell them. Tell your parents that he wouldn't listen to you and chose to go against his upbringing and engage in immoral behavior. It is not your fault.

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  • Margz
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    It is not your job to look out for your brother, as everyone in your previous question told you.

    I know you feel like you have to look out for him--you're the older sister. I feel the same way about being an older sister. However, it is HIS decision to do this, so its HIS problem to tell your parents about and come up with a solution. Instead, if you feel like they should know, tell your brother to tell them since they are going to have to find out anyway.

    Also, she said she was going to get an abortion, so is there any need to tell your parents? I'm not condoning lying to them. I know it might feel wrong. But it's not your decision to make. If you want, encourage your brother to come clean, stop this crazy relationship that is obviously bad for him, and tell your parents. I know that if my parents found out something like that (and they are very strict Christians as well), they would welcome their child back if they were sorry for what they'd done and seen the error of their ways (though they would be angry). Your parents might also be upset about the abortion, but your brother can't do anything about that now.

    Something does need to be done, but its for your brother to do. He's the one that's going to deal with the consequences. If I were you, I'd have an "adult" conversation with your brother. Tell him that he's on his own, and he's going to have to live with the consequences. Next time, he might not be so lucky. What if she had wanted to keep the baby? Tell him you're not scolding him, because he's not a baby. You can't keep your eye on him, because you have your own schooling to do. He has to take care of himself, and if he gets into trouble you're not going to be there to bail him out.

    That's what I would do. I think he needs a giant reality slap (no offense to your brother). It's not your job to have to deal with this stuff. If I were you I would also tell him that you don't want to hear about it anymore, because it puts you in a difficult position where you feel like you aren't being honest with your parents, the ones who are paying for your education. Tell him that, if he continues to be in the relationship, you really don't want to see him that much at all anymore, because you don't want to know about it.

    If you don't feel comfortable with what I just said and still want to tell your parents, I'd first threaten your brother. Tell him that you will tell your parents if he doesn't stop his relationship with the 37 year old woman. That way, he may see more of an incentive to end the relationship if, as you say, your parents really would stop paying for college.f

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  • 1 decade ago

    I don't blame your parents if they cut him off. It's a lesson he needs to learn. You can start by calling the cops on the woman. Then just tell your folks. There is no way to sugar-coat it, but if you care about your family, just do it. They need to know. It's the only way your brother is going to learn how to grow up. He needs to find out that there are consequences to idiotic actions.

    Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    It is always best to stay out of affairs of the heart, brother or not!

    HIS mess is HIS problem...You should tell him that you don't want to hear anything about that whole deal because there are so many factors at risk...First of all, that woman is breaking the law...You should report her to the police...No one in their right mind acts on pedophilia...

    Second of all, for your parents to ask you to keep an eye on him is a little ridiculous...If they weren't sure about letting him go to college based on his maturity level or lack their of, it is their issue, not yours to raise him...

    Clearly some appropriate boundaries need to be set up to protect yourself and everyone else involved..

    Best of luck to you on that one, it is pretty hairy

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