How Can I Start Dating Again?

i just got out of a long-term relationship, and i know it might not be wise to start dating again so quickly, but i feel like i just want to have fun and stop being so sad and get my mind off him and dating might be a good way for me to do that. however, it's been a while (2 1/2 yrs to be exact), and i know my game is no longer on point lol. how can i start talking to guys again, and more importantly, how can i avoid comparing them with my ex?

Update:

and no i'm not planning to have sex with anyone again until i feel like i can be in a relationship again.

23 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You need to remember that everyone is a different type of person.

    Different morals, family values, goals, etc. So how can you compare

    apples and oranges? Everyone has something different to offer, go

    on a few dates and see if that you guys are on the same path. You

    need to find someone your attracted to and have something in

    common with. Don't filter out only "hot males" as you might be missing

    out on some really nice good guys out there that you never knew

    would come along.

    Brawn doesn't always win brains.

    If anything it is the other way around, Don't rush love as it will find you.

    Don't get involved with someone you already know you have no

    potential with. Doing this only sets yourself up for disaster.

    Lets things flow, continue living your life and achieving yours goals,

    well on this path....you will run into someone who is on your same

    path as well : )

  • 1 decade ago

    ah yes i feel u completely, i got otu of a 5 yr and right off teh bat i had this girl that was already interested so i got lucky taht the timing was there (not so much anymore but thats another story)....look, what u need to do is just start talking im serious i dont care if u r just standin in line at ur local cvs n maybe the dude in front of u is cute or sumthin find something he's holding or maybe he's lookin at a magazine just mention sumthin say hi just say sumthin! yea its not always gonna come out right n u might sound like an idiot sometimes but thats just ur lack of confidence cuz u been out the loop for so long, now its time 4 u to build it back up one layer at a time, as 4 ur ex no one person is the same so forget abouyt that crap completely and just make convo with random people n always be positive it draws goofd things to you maybe not right away n it might take a while but eventually you'll get ur groove back (no pun intended haha!) :)

  • Lora
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I went out and just started meeting people. I work independently and dont have that opportunity to meet people at work. I also take evening classes and have met some great people. I guess all you can do is get involved with a club or activity and be friendly and talk to people. Dont force the issue or dwell on meeting Mr. Right, because it most likely wont happen like that. You just have to become friends with people/guys and eventually you will be asked out or you can ask them out and then just go out and have fun with no expectations. That's how most long term relationships start (whether friendship or romantic). Just be yourself. Someone gave me that advice and it is the best advice Ive gotten since my divorce. And finally, I actually have a real nice guy that I met (we are friends) and we are going out this saturday. I dont think of it as a date, because I def. want to take things slow, but I know him a little bit now and I trust him enough to hang out with him.

  • Gary B
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Your first step is to let yourself grieve at your loss, and get over you ex. this takes time, and you are making a mistake to start dating before this is complete.

    if you start too soon, then you are correct, you WILL be comparing the guys you meet with your ex. And this is a no-win situation. Every guy you meet will either not be up to your perceived standard (based on what you ex didn't do right), or will be too much like your ex (in the things he did wrong). It is too soon for you to see the real "middle ground".

    What is worse is that you will come off as a "bi-otch" because of it. Not because you are, but because you are as yet unable to accept a decent guy for what he is -- flawed. NO ONE is perfect. But right now your perception of "perfection" is twisted due to the internally unresolved conflicts with your ex.

    The ONLY way out of this is time. Maybe counseling, but time for sure. You NEED to learn to accept and live with yourself. You are NOT "damaged goods", but you've still got some time to go before you will fully realize what a treasure you really are. And until that happens, you will not be able to convince a single male what a "catch" you would be.

    So forget dating for a couple of years (this is about how long it take to "heal" after long-term relationship or divorce). Go out with friends from work, or family, but forget any "serious" relationship with the opposite sex. (refuse blind dates or offers to "fix you up") If you have FRIENDS that happen to be male, fine, but forget "dating". Learn to live with YOU, and learn that you are not as bad as the ex might want you to believe.

    You ALSO need to learn that HE is not as bad as you used to believe, and probably still believe at some level. ONLY THEN will you be able to accept another man as a potential serious date, and potential serious "mate".

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hi, to start with I can relate ..same thing here. you need to put yourself in a different mindset. remember the reason why you are doing what you want to do..its for you- no one else. Don't put alot of pressure on yourself to make yourself feel better..That takes time..you will come around in time an feel better about things. I know its sounds old fashioned..but its true..For me its been a couple of months an I still think about her every day..but I must move forward and in doing so..I must put myself first- at what I want to do to make me happy. Also, your comment about the comparison- that is human nature as we go along in a realtionship- especially one that is a couple of years, we are bound to do the comparison thing- Does he/she smell like this- how do they dress- how do they make you feel- etc..Remember...you have to have an open mind..Your not able to move forward with comparing the person your now seeing with the one you have in the past. In doing so...the person from your past wlil be there always..yes maybe there are some good things about them..but in the end by doing the comparison, you just might miss out on the new persons qualities as

    well. Take your time..dont be in a rush..an soon you will you are back to being you. Take care !

  • ...
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    the answer is you cant avoid comparing them to your ex and dating wont be fun for you right now at least that how it is for me i tried to date cause it had been 4 months and my friends kept saying it would make me feel better but it didnt all it did was make me think stupid stuff like "my ex would have liked this food" or just wishing I was with my ex laying on the couch watching movies instead of out at some stupid resturant with some stupid guy who doesnt measure up to my ex at all

    what Im saying here is you need to wallow a little so that all the sad stuff doesnt resurface when you find someone new

  • 1 decade ago

    It has been too long. U Need to move on. And start dating.

    1st don’t think too much about it.

    2nd go with a guy that’s outgoing talkative. U wont feel as too much pressure. Cuz he’ll do most of the taking.

    3rd make sure u go to a place u like, not a place u and ur ex used to go to.

    4th HAVE FUN ! ! !

  • 1 decade ago

    Just go out to clubs and parties with your friends. Don't get into one specific guy just date a few and have fun. You'll meet someone when the time is right. I date a lot and it's better than being tied down to the wrong person. Oh and don't have sex with all of them, just one.

  • *StOd*
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    For me it just took time. I have been with my current boyfriend for over a year and for the first few months (even two years after my ex and I broke up) I compared after a while my ex left my brain lol.

  • 1 decade ago

    It will be really hard not to compare. But you have to remember that all men are not alike. Try not to do the comparing thing. Also remember to try not to take advantage of the new person. People tend to take the new person as a rebound. Just take your time and I hope every thing works out for the best.

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