Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Husband doesn't want to have sex.?

I have been married for 5 years and together with my husband for almost 10. At the beginning of our relationship we had sex all the time, everyday actually. Now it is only once or twice a month and it is initiated by myself most of the time. It has been like this for about 6 months now. I know that I have a high sex drive, I could have it everyday, but I'm starting to have a feeling like he is no longer interested in sex at all. He has never been overly affectionate, he doesn't like to cuddle. He doesn't watch porn, he works, comes home and plays on the computer. Many people have asked if he is cheating.. I've done my research.. he is not. I have not let myself go, I actually am in better shape than I was when we got married. I find myself growing further away from him, even emotionally, its like we are room mates. I have asked him many times why he doesn't want to have sex and he says that he doesn't know why, he just doesn't.. it has nothing to do with me. Even tho he tells me he loves me everyday, calls me from work and every once and a awhile I get a hug.. I'm drifting. We do not have children but we have talked about it alot and it seems as though if I tell him I'm ovulating he is more willing to have sex. He is not gay. Any ideas?


I am 30 and my husband is 33

Update 2:

I thought I knew what turned him on. I have tried the outfits, the drinks and being very open to anything and everything. He has no problem once he gets in the mood... its getting him in the mood. He has no stress at work either, I think stale is the right word.

18 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You know this actually is not as abnormal as you might we grow older a woman's sex drive goes up while a man's goes down. A lot of married men tend to forget that they have to keep up the romance. It's time to sit down and tell him what you have told us.

    You are going to have to let your husband know that you are feeling neglected and unloved. It sounds like this isn't even so much about the sex it's about the love. Women make love so that we can feel closer to our man, men make love for release. Don't get upset folks, I'm just generalizing! He may have just settled into a routine or he may feel like after 10 years there's nothing new to see. However, he is underestimating your need for intimacy which is what you are missing.

    In essence, don't ask why he doesn't have sex with you anymore, tell him what you need, tell him what you are missing, tell him how you feel. So, often we women don't open up and let a man know exactly what we need. Try talking to him so that he can understand that this is an emergency that he needs to get with real quick. Then you can start letting him know what to do with that information:

    So, it should go something like this, "Honey, in about two weeks, (or give him a date), I want you to surprise me with a romantic day. I want dinner by candlelight, dancing, a moonlit walk and at the end of the day I want you to hold me, tell me how beautiful you think I am and then I want you to make love to me like you haven't seen me in four years."

    "Got it? Good! I'll see you then!" Sometimes it may be that he needs to know that his fantasies can be fufilled. Do you know what he fantasizes about lately? Get him comfortable talking to him while he is relaxed and feeling talkative. Don't push! If he doesn't want to tell you, back off and just say, "I just wanted to know in case I could fulfill it someday. You know I like getting freaky with you." Trust me, no man will turn down his woman wanting to fulfill his fantasy.

    Hopefully, this will work for you; every man wants a woman who is willing to fulfill his needs as well as letting him fulfill hers. This is your husband; relax and have fun with him, I bet he returns the favor!

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe he is just stressed about something. Is he going through a hard time at work or having problems with a family member or friend? The next time you initiate sex you should ask him if he has a certain Fantasy he would like you to play out for him to spice things up a bit. If you feel like you are drifting away from each other try to spend more time together. Maybe find a computer game you both enjoy and play together to bring back that bond you use to have. He might just be stressed about having children maybe he is worried it won't happen so he only wants to have sex when you guys can make a baby. Just try not to pressure him as much and think of fun things you can do together both in the bedroom and out. Maybe make a date night. Good luck.

  • Johnny
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    My wife and I had our first children around your age. It did take the focus off of ourselves and set the stage to broaden our relationship. Now we have 3 and things are stable. I can't say I have alot more sex than we did then however about a year ago she may have noticed I was drifting and she started drinking with me occasionally to take the edge off. We now have the occasional cocktail hour and sex maybe a bit more often. I have found that she has loosened up her attitude and enjoys sex more often than she seemed to then (even has much more intense orgasms). I can't really advocate alcohol or having children but it's funny how in the 30's after a decade or so of being together things get stale and you need a different focus. I would say this though...having a couple drinks beforehand can do wonders to loosen you up and make things flow easier and more relaxed. If you need cocktail recipes feel free to email back and I can help. Ironically I've become a bartender when my former business took a crap. Good luck and Cheers!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    nothing seems to be wrong but he might have other issues mayeb hes stressed out at work or something...but maybe he did something (im not saying he cheated) but cluld have been just once and hes feeling guilty about it..

    just try to not to push the sex thing...try to have fun together and do other things to help relax each other..once hes more confortable maybe the sex..will come back a lot of couples go though that..i did too my bf of 7 years was like that for a while..but then i stop giving him a hard time bout it and we concentrated on being happy with each other..and the sex came back..and its pretty good now...not every day..( i know i could) but is really good when it happens..i know that after a few years being together this happens to alot of dont worry im sure its going to come back..maybe go on a little trip together...and try to do something totally different soemthing you havent done yet...

    good luck..:)

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  • 1 decade ago

    he's just comfortable and has a low sex drive. Im in the same situation. I feel like my bf is my roomate more than anything but you know what? We have fun together when we get a chance to go out and he is good to my son and our new baby. Thats all i care about now. I went out with several men that were great in bed and had high sex drives but if i had to pick between low sex drive and high sex drive, low is it b/c they stay out of trouble and they are boring...yes boring. boring is good!! Once you have kids, you will be thankful that your husband is boring. Men like this are good family men. I know the sex part sucks and i admit i hate it too but i satisfy myself sometimes. I know that when we go on vacations we tend to be more active as well. You guys are young and im surprised he isnt as horny but you have been together for a long time and he is just comfortable.

  • 4 years ago

    a million. You get counseling that may additionally assist you out and doubtless he will flow after a jointly as. do no longer anticipate him going yet enable him comprehend that that's accessible to him and it would help your marriage. 2. He desires a medical verify up, possibly he has low testosterone and has no libido. Blood stress meds. would reason a decrease in libido and he would would desire to alter his meds as quickly as lower back. 3. His job must be very annoying and he's no longer telling you tings continuously exchange at artwork and basically by using fact he became high-quality previously does no longer mean his job responsibilities have not replaced. possibly he's in concern of dropping his job. basically the strain on my own of this might placed a damper on your psyche. besides working as a correctional worker sounds like it would take a toll on your psychological wellbeing. Being surrounded all day long with the dregs of society might placed a bitter outlook on existence. i might think of there could be counselors there at his artwork to help with the officers. 4. provide up nagging him and enable him be. you're utilising a nail into the coffin. Pull back and provide up nagging. Do basic type gestures for him, %. him a lunch and flow away him a love word, flow away him a word in his automobile, provide him a rub down whilst he relaxes on the settee or previously bedtime. do no longer ask do exactly and don't anticipate something in return. He would turn around after random acts of kindness and no nagging.

  • 1 decade ago

    weird I would expect you to say that he is 45 33 is a little young for the avg male to lose interest in sex especially if the wife is the one thats always in HEAT - jk I mean how do ya say NO ....LOL

    its sad and silly but it is serious to think that intimacy and sex can break up a marriage - but it does matter - if you 2 arent on the same page now - you 2 are both relatively young.......its probably only gonna get worse

    if you 2 are like this now when it comes to sex and romance - DONT HAVE KIDS............It wont make it better it will make it worse - and then you will ruin 3 lives instead of 2 .........

    sorry to be harsh - but Id rather hurt you with the truth .......

    you need to sit down with your husband - and explain to him your feelings - from what you said he isnt a total jerk if he says he loves you and well at least ya get a hug out of

    you need to talk to him Seriously!!!

    Good Luck:)

  • 1 decade ago

    Outfits and so on don't really get people in the mood, they flare up what's allready there. Its like throwing on gasoline, but you need a pilot light.

    You are having some sex, so hey, there's hope.

    My simplest suggestion is that he needs to get more active. If he started working out or doing more physical activity, I think his sex drive might go up. I also wonder if he feels bad about his own body?

    Anyway, I'd encourage him to get more active and see if that helps.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think I know how he feels, I'm a husband. You have to be careful, any form of pressure will surely turn him off more. A man gets horny when he's relaxed and under no pressure, like when he wakes up in the morning. Most men wake up with a hard-on, so try caressing him then. This definitely works on me, unless I'm in a hurry to get up and go to work!


    We live under so much stress and we don't even know it...

  • 1 decade ago

    Something is happening at work. he is stressed out or, worse, may be having a mid-life crisis for some reason and feels that he cannot be the man he once was.

    The problem is getting him to open up to really say why he feels how he feels

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