Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

ive been crying myself to sleep for the past two nights and i have the urge to cut again?

so long story short, me and my mom dont get along and we act as if we hate each other. i went depressed. she didnt care. she just continued to abuse me verbally and emotionally. and no matter how much she hates me, im still gonna love her. she gave me a chance at life. but see, her actions towards me have caused me to cut. i mean im not gonna say what she did, but even my sister has called it horrible. shes 28. old enough to know when im over reacting and when im not.

also, she wont let me date, but i did go behind her back once, and i was happier than ever. once she found out, she punched my head and slapped my back. so i dont even want to do that anymore. but ive met another boy, and i really do like him. but i cant have him cause of my moms rules. so i dont tell her anything that goes on in my life, because just like she doesnt trust me, i dont trust her.

please dont say im over reacting. the fact that she won't let me have a boyfriend IS NOTTTTT my biggest problem. but that's just a recent bump in the road weve hit.

tuesday night, i cried myself to sleep because i couldnt believe my mom didnt trust me.

so anyway, yesterday, i found out my mom was told that she has a high blood pressure. she eats healthy and exercises. so she only got that from stress. its all my fault though. thats all i can think. its MY fault my moms blood pressure is high.

so i cried myself to sleep last night because i couldnt even imagine how my life would be without her.

but now im just so frustrated with my past and the present. im afraid of the future now. im not the happy girl i was 3 years ago.

my brother went to jail. ive seen my dad nearly kill my mom. my parents have gotten into numerous fights. theyve almost divorced, but some reason they didnt.

so im 14, my emotions have been a roller coaster lately. and when i cut before, all the mental and emotional pain was taken away. i wanna cut right now but im seriously controlling myself.i just have no clue what to do anymore though.

someone please help me.

my mom's problem is because of me. its like im a failure to this family. i feel like if i was never born, theyd be richer and happier. and ive been crying non stop because of this lately.

someone please help.

and dont freaking tell me that i do matter.

if you're gonna tell me that, prove it.

Update:

we were supposed to go to a counselor a month ago to improve our relationship until she thought it was too expensive.

and why the hell would i call cps on my mom?

no matter how much i hate her, i still love her so stfu.

plus that'd only add on more stress to screw up her blood pressure

Update 2:

TO THE IDIOT WHO THOUGHT I CALLED MY MOM 28;; pay a little more attention.

my mom is 50[FIFTY]

my SISTERRRRR is 28

jeeez.

15 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Jesus - you need help dear. im not gonna lie to you - your only 14 and you have been through so much, It makes me sad to think what some parents put their kids through because the problem is THEM.

    I dont want to treat you like your 5 but your a kid = your parents are the adults and if they are always fighting - they have their own issues they need to straighten out - and sadly when parents are at each others throats parents do take it out on the kids far too often - i dont get why parents dont divorce if you cant live together peacefully and further subject the kids to living in hell. Not to say you wont be living in hell if they split up - but your already living in it - so you might as well split up .

    My parents were pretty much fighting constantly from the time I was 12 to 14 and they didnt split up until 1 month after I left for college at 18 so I feel your pain a little bit here -

    I dont know how your mother parents and everything she has done to you but theres a way to be a responsible parent - if it gets to the point that you cut because of it - thats a PROBLEM.

    Kids often embellish and we all think our parents are nuts - but you dont sound like a 14 year old brat - you sound like a adult in some ways......I feel you have grown up far before your time........

    kids need to be kids - you got your whole life - to be an adult and be miserable....jk

    i dont know what else to say to you dear - Im not gonna lie and say the world is all sunshine and rainbows and sadly for kids in a bad situation where the parents are PART or sometimes the ENTIRE problem - you are under there control.......assuming you have no where else to go -

    you need to try to talk to your mother openly and honesty - I feel stupid saying this cus by what Ive read Im not certain that can work -

    Is there someone else in your family - an aunt or uncle or grandparent that wont flip out if you talk to them ?

    Only you know whats the best you can do - I understand why people cut - its a half hearted attempt to give up and a desperate cry for help without doing it at the top of your lungs..........

    However you will get their attention - but its not the best stunt to pull to fix problems and achieve what I think you are looking for here.

    your mother has high blood pressure - so do MILLIONS of Americans -dear - dont lose sleep over high blood pressure - and if your mother moans and complains like its a huge deal - then she is a drama queen - your mother is stressed because she probably knows she is a miserable person in a bad relationship and her life sucks - so she takes it out on your and or your siblings just because you are there.

    This is NOT YOUR FAULT - UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!

    Please dont think they will be better off without you - all kids think that at some point in time - what you will learn later in life -is that adults are capable of making changes in their life if they so chose to - because unlike you as a kid - adults are in control..........you going missing or comitting some horrible act will not help them better themselves or their life any better -

    if anything they will become more miserable people than they are now because - they can wallow forever that are arent around even if they totally neglected you whilr you were around and if they were gonna be happy and successful people - they would've done it by now.......

    Finally i will advise you to talk to your sister you said she is 28, hopefully she is a intelligent individual with a good head on her shoulders and you can talk to her? Hopefully she can at least listen and understand where your coming from and can maybe talk on your behalf - as being an adult someone will listen to her probably more than they will listen to you.......

    I wish you well - Good Luck - not sure if this helps or not -

  • 1 decade ago

    very tough situation. first of all, don't kill yourself, maybe you were never going to in the first place, but still, killing yourself isn't going to help anything. and don't think that if you were never born, your parents would be happier. you've gotten this far in life, so why quit or end now? try to still control yourself on cutting, because it's not good. not good at all. and i know that you know that. maybe you should talk to a guidance counselor or something?? i know counselors can be creeps but maybe that would help. the whole abuse thing? shouldnt be going on at all. you need to tell someone. anyone. well, not strangers, but like a teacher or the closest friend you've got. i dont think youre overreacting, but again, youre not doing anything about the conflict. maybe you should try to build up the trust with your mom? idk...and do not quit now. i don't think anything is your fault, maybe going behind your moms back on dating, but the one to blame is your mom. u need to accept that there are no bad kids, only bad parents. what this means is it's your parents (primarily your mom) that raise you, and so it's not your fault this is happening. it's their fault. also know that there are alot of other teens out there in the same position that you are in.the whole blood pressure thing i think you are overreacting a bit on. come on. her blood pressure is not high only because you think you add on stress. that could be from multiple sources, and if u cant go to a counselor to fix ur relationship with her, then either try to at home like giving compliments or go to a counselor at school. i don't know what else to tell you. hmmm hope this helped atleast 1 percent. just don't give up.

    Source(s): i've never had experience with this type of thing, but I'm also 14 yrs old, and my parents have told me about this type of conflict.
  • 1 decade ago

    Ok well just calm down for one. You and your mom don't get along. that's ok. not many teens get along fine with the rents. I know I don't. Your mom's problem is not b.c of you so stop thinking that. Its her problem. Write in a journal how you feel and maybe one day you can give it to your mom so she can she what she puts you through. I know this might be hard to believe but she doesn't see what she is putting you through and how badly she is hurting you. Call your local child abuse service people. And talk to them.

    Ever thought that maybe your mother cries herself to sleep every night b.c of what she does to you. Sometimes grown up don't like to admit that they are wrong or did something wrong. Get emancipated? If you can prove she is an unfit mother they may let you move in with your father or your sister if you don't have a father.

    another solution to not cutting is this I call it the tree method.

    what you need is a tree (duh!), nails, hammer, and your emotions.

    what you do is pick a tree either near you or in your own yard and whenever you feel like cutting go out to the tree with your nails and hammer and emotions and nail the nails into the tree. Its also a good stress reliever.

    as for the boyfriend problem. I cant really help u there. Maybe when you get older she will let you date if you cant leave.

    Source(s): I am 17. have problems with my mother a lot and an ex cutter
  • 1 decade ago

    its okay i dont think you are over reacting, this is far more common in many teens more than you think, you are not the only one.

    i think it is terrible that people blame themselves, you have to stop putting all this pressure and blame on you! it makes me sad when i hear younger teens who are just 3 or 4 years younger than me doing this!

    i think you should see the school councilor they can really help, getting things off your chest can be the best relief in the world.

    as for your mum well im not sure about that, but im sure she can not hate you so much that would be awful!

    does she know how you feel?

    some people may say talk to her etc but by th sounds of it it doesnt seem she will listen so i advise telling people close to you or a professional your problems. i dont mean that your 'mad' or anything but getting professional help from a person who listens and is there for me realy did help me out of a dark patch in my life when i was your age.

    as for your parents with each other have you ever considered living with someone else for a few days or just taking a break from them living with a relative during the holidays.

    maybe you could ring some help lines, im not sure how you would like to deal with your problems everyone has there own ways

    you can email and talk to me if you need anymore help.

    of course you would never want to call the cops, i know what you mean. my uncle took loads of drugs etc but nobody would ever grass on him, its not right unless physical violence gets involved

    hope you feel things getting better and take in some of my advice

    kitty x

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    Listen carefully - every person is responsible only for her own actions, not for anyone else's actions. You are not responsible for your mother's high blood pressure, stress, or abusive behavior; she is not responsible for your decision to cut yourself.

    High blood pressure has many causes, not just stress. Heredity plays a big part; this may be a condition she inherited from someone else, just as you might someday inherit from her. It's no one's fault, it just happens. Even someone with a fairly healthy and calm lifestyle can still get high blood pressure. High blood pressure is serious, but not immediately life-threatening, and there are great treatments, so don't worry about losing her.

    Even if it is caused by stress, it is HER choice to react negatively to factors in her life. When faced with a stressful situation, she has a choice to let it upset her, or to stay calm - she CHOOSES to get stressed by it, and this becomes a bad habit that is difficult to break. So don't blame yourself for HER decisions, no matter what she says.

    On the flip side, you can't really blame her for your cutting. she is being unfair and abusive, true, but still, YOU are the one choosing to release your pain and stress through self-harm instead of in a more constructive way, like talking with friends, writing a journal, creating art, playing sports, or seeking outside help. You recognized this yourself - "i wanna cut right now but im seriously controlling myself." You are making a conscious choice about how to react, and that awareness is a crucial step towards changing your life for the better.

    You don't have to put up with this. Talk to your doctor, teacher, pastor, school counselor, or even a police officer. Check the blue pages of your local phone book for Child Protective Services. These people are all eager to help you, but they need to know what is wrong first. In one sense, you are not overreacting - the situation really is unacceptable - but in another sense, you are overreacting, because you shouldn't blame yourself for it or think that your suffering or death would make things any better.

    Calling CPS is about protecting you, not about punishing your mom. Just because you love her doesn't mean it's okay for her to abuse you. If a parent loves a child, the parent doesn't spoil the child until she turns into a selfish monster, right? The parent imposes some discipline to protect the child and teach her how to behave appropriately and in her own best interest. So in this case you (or CPS) needs to be the parent to your mother. It's out of love that you need to teach her some behaviors are not acceptable.

    Her high blood pressure is not a "get out of jail free" card. She is still responsible for her actions - what if she robbed a bank or committed murder? She should still go to jail, right? You might still love her, but it wouldn't be fair to the rest of the world to let her go unchecked.

    For you own health and safety, call CPS.

  • 1 decade ago

    I can't tell you that you matter if you don't believe you do. I of course don't know you and therefore don't know how to prove that you do. But we were all placed on this earth with purpose. We are all beautiful and unique and we all matter. It may seem like sometimes we don't... trust me. It sometimes feels like the world may not be worse with out me... but will it be better?

    Truthfully the world won't end if you do but something more will.

    This life is made for many purposes but one of them to is to see what is beyond this life--when the time is right. Keep living your life it's not worth it to end it yourself so young.

    I think the reason your mother is so strict about your having a boyfriend is because she has lived this life. If she is 28 and you are 14 that means she was your age when she had you. You and I both know tha'ts very young. And now you are that age and odds are she just doesn't want to see you follow in her footsteps.

    Even if your family calls you a failure that's their opinions. There are so many other people in this world who know you have the potentiel to succeed. We all do and it's time to see that.

    Your mother cares about you deep down I think but she has a hard time showing it. If she didn't care about you you wouldn't be living with her.

    You should talk to her about how you feel instead of going to cutting yourself. It's important to let all your feelings out in words and express them in other ways than hurting yourself.

    Our father, God, did not put on this earth to be useless. We are all purposed. Please remember this.

    Cutting yourself is NOT the answer to your problems. Just relax and take this one step at a time. It's time to tell another adult you trust or to talk to the police. This is a serious matter. Please be serious about it.

  • 1 decade ago

    That is not love!

    Do not delude yourself that she loves you or that you love her, that is why you are so confused. You know that her behavior is irrational and not love, however you "want" a mother that loves you, so you tell yourself that it's love.

    Cutting did not make anything go away or get better, it only garners temporary attention from those who are not even worthy of your attention.

    The best way to cope is to find a mentor or surrogate family. I had a similar childhood and "adopted" one of my friends parents. My mom was a violent drunk and dumped her problems on me and my brother. I used to crave a real mom and wasted a lot of time trying to make things better and blaming myself too. I finally figured out that it was her and not me, by "studying" what I thought to be reasonably happy families.

    So, I focused my attention on other people besides myself and my mom. The best way to rid yourself of your problems is to help other people. It not only helps to get your mind off your problems, but also gives you a sense of worthiness. I'm not going to say you matter because I don't you and you may be a self centered little brat, I don't know. What does matter is only what you think of yourself and that is determined by what you do for others.

    Check out Dr. Laura, she helped me to put things in perspective. She wrote a book called "Bad Childhood Good Life".

  • 1 decade ago

    I really respect you for loving your mom, and I'm sure she really doesn't hate you, sometimes being a mom is really difficult. If your grades are going good and everything, ask your mom if you can start volunteering in your community, or at a church. Try homeless or animal shelters, and go there on weekends or something. Try to relieve your pain by helping someone or something else, instead of hurting yourself. If you make it something good, maybe it will help you through this time and show you how big you can be inside even if things go really wrong in your life.

    I know religion is over-rated, but sometimes God can help if you give Him a chance. He's always been there for me, and I suggest that you give it a shot too. The Bible says Jesus was hated by his family and everyone in his town, I know he understands what we go through. Give it a try, maybe it will help. I'll pray for you too.

    God bless, and good luck. Keep strong.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think we all went through the same emotions when we were teenagers. Some of us acted on them, some didn't. As you get older you'll realize that nothing is worth harming yourself over. I'm not going to preach to you or anything or even say that I have the best solution, but maybe you should consider talking to a counselor. Your mom has health insurance for you, right?

    Source(s): Life.
  • 1 decade ago

    Ok, look i'm 24 right now and i used to cut too no lie, no gimmik. Believe me when i say that is not going to help you. I guarentee that all your going to do is eventually really hurt yourself. This form of release is not what you should be doing. My advice is to give your troubles to God. He is a lot closer then you think. I know you probably don't want to hear that but i promise you if you lean on Him things will get better. Don't let yourself fall into that trap. Please be careful and seek help from a trusted advisor. If your really doing this and really sincere about needing help email me at healingtouch03@gmail.com or kpmusic1984@yahoo.com

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.