Anyone Read "His Needs, Her Needs" by William Harley?
Ok. So I am reading this book "His Needs, Her Needs" by William Harley. It discusses each partners specific needs. In the first few chapters, it talks about how women's primary need as being affection and for men sex. It explains that you cannot have sex without affection. It makes sense. Women need to have there need met and they are more likely to met the need of their spouse. Here is the issue that I am having. I shower my wife with affection. I email her notes daily, hold her hand in public, kiss and hug her when I leave and return for/from work. According to her, her need for affection is being met. Mine, however is not. And I am confused as to why it is not being met. Anyone who has read the book want to enlighten me? I understand the concepts being taught, but I don't understand why my wife doesn't want to meet my primary need. Any insight would be appreciated.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I've read it and it's good. There's another book out there that will help a l ot it's the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Everyone has different love languages that need to be met.
1 words of affirmation- telling you thank you, appreciation, quality time- doing stuff together
3. receiving gifts- it doesn't have to be big things, little things count a lot
4. acts of service-laundry, dishes, mowing the yard, cooking, taking care of the kids
5. physical touch- anything goes here, holding hands, sitting close to each other.
You have to figure out what your primary need is because that is what makes YOU feel loved. If she is not meeting your need then you feel slighted. You generally have 1 primary need and a close second or third. Men always need sex, so don't put that in the physical touch category, when it talks about touch it means you love to have hugs, hold hands, love it when she pats you on the back or gives you a smack on the bottom. If you aren't sure look at what you do for her and generally what you feel on how to give love is usually your basic love language.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I don't agree with this guy who states that the woman's primary need is affection and the guys is sex??? That is an old cliche"??? Obviously it's not true if your giving your wife affection and she is still not interested in sex?? Am I right?? So the guy is generalizing. And of course it's a guy stating that??Of course the guys needs would be sex?? And ours be affection???? It['s a typical stereotype statement. I wouldn't read too much into it. Ask a woman what she thinks is the primary needs of a man and woman. I'm sure you'll get a much different answer???? I hate it when someone comes out with their own theories on things. Try talking to your wife and asking her why she's not that interested in sex anymore. I think we just find it boring after awhile. Theres more things that are more important to us other then sex. We have an attitude that screams>>>BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT??? The longer your with someone, it just gets boring. Theres other things in life!!!
- 1 decade ago
As I was reading this and my mind went to the book "the 5 Love Languages" as well. I think generally "His Needs, Her Needs" is right but it is a generalization, every man and woman is different.
Women need love and men need respect but how a woman "feels" loved could be different from one person to the next. So I think the love languages book is good.Source(s): Taken the course Love & Respect and read The 5 Love Languages-both very good
- 6 years ago
That is the stupidest book I ever read in my life. Throw it in the garbage.
Pray to God and He will guide you.