Is Divorce the answer?
We've been married 5 yrs. Known each other for 14 yrs... We were always friends, I thought i'd spent the rest of my life with him.. For the past 2 yrs, He puts everything and everyone before me, He doesn't consult me when making a big decision. He hits me, He blames me for everything and says i'll never change.. I don't know if it's worth staying married or not. I have my flaws too.. Our problems have been 50/50..I just don't know how much else i can take, He beat me really hard last time and we haven't spoken for 4 days.
I love him but i'm hurting deeply and i'm also unhappy with this marriage
- Gary BLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
He hit you. There is NOTHING else to be said. There is nothing else of any importance.
Move back in with your mother; move into a shelter home for women; but GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP!.
Violence is NEVER the answer in any relationship, least of all in a marriage.
Your love for him is badly misplaced. TRUE LOVE for someone is expressed in concern for their well being. if you want to express your love for him, help him see that he gets help with his anger problems. And that means removing from him the one thing that maybe he does love -- YOU.
Leave the home -- no discussion, no explanations. GET OUT. Contact an attorney and file for a Legal Separation. tell the attorney why. Ask him to draw up papers such that IF your husband seeks counseling AND his counselor says that it is OK,. you will be willing to move back in with him AT SOME FUTURE TIME.
If he complies, then YOU also need counseling on how to better recognize this situation and help him control his problem.
If he refuses, then file for divorce. if He even threatens violence, have him arrested. Physical violence has NO PLACE in a marriage, and if he cannot stop the violence then the marriage must end.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I do not beleive in divorce. For me it is a religious, moral, ethical and values issue. However, I beleive even less in staying in a marriage where domestic violence is involved. Once a man hits, he is not likely to stop. The violence will only escalate. It is not ok for someone to harm you or take your dignity. You are not talking about divorcing the guy because he forgets to call when he is late or he doesn't get you an anniversary gift. You are talking about divorcing him because your mental, emotional and physical health are in danger with him. Those are VERY good reasons to divorce someone. Please take a look at the power and control wheel I have attached. The abuse may be worse than you think and may have been going on longer than you realize. Then call the number I have attached for resources in your area so that you can talk to someone about your options and at the very least make a safety plan. You must have a safety plan even if you do decide to stay.Source(s): http://www.mcadsv.org/faith/Section%20two/Power%20... http://www.ncdsv.org/ 1-800-799-SAFE
- 1 decade ago
You need to call some type of abuse hotline such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Talk to the person on the phone who will be experienced in this type of thing. They made refer you to get counseling, may recommend that you leave and give you steps to accomplish that, or may tell you something else entirely.
Let me tell you as someone who was formerly in an abusive relationship, the violence just escalates and it won't change without some help (for him), no matter what he says or how much he apologizes after (if he does).
This is very serious and I hope that you find the help that you need. You may also want to check out http://www.ndvh.org/ Also, there are some other sites if you search for them that will let you take abuse quizzes to see if you are in an abusive relationship, lathough if he beats you, it's pretty obvious that you are.
Good luck to you!
P.S. Some people have said to call the police. While that may work in your situation, I tried that with my ex-boyfriend and the police screwed up and one of the policemen ended up blaming his mistakes on me and telling me that I lied and even threatened to file charges against me for filing a false report. In retaliation, my ex had me arrested for harrassment (but dropped the charges the next day...just wanted some payback). An abuser will do everything he can to control, manipulate a situation, and keep you in his clutches. I hate to say it, but as someone who was being abused and called 911 for help, I would NEVER, EVER do that again. I would talk to a abuse counselor instead. I have had much better experiences with couselors. Maybe I am just jaded and that was a weird situation, but it happens, and if the police screw up, it just makes the abuser even angrier and he WILL get you back somehow.
- FreddyHLv 61 decade ago
Get out of this relationship immediately. It takes a cowardly man to beat on a woman, even more so when it is his wife. Leave this loser yesterday.
If you have marks on you, take pictures as proof and file a report with the local police station. It will protect you in the long run.
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- shomerLv 44 years ago
one million. How previous have been you once you married? 24 2. How long did the marriage final? 7 years. 3. in case you care to proportion...what led to he marriage to end? My ex had an affair along with his secretary, to no longer point out he became right into a raging alcoholic with each and all of the in many circumstances going on manifestations. 4. Do you think of you jumped the gun whilst getting the divorce...ie according to risk could have labored throughout the subject concerns gave the marriage extra time? No. i think of I invested too plenty time in a courting that wasn't healthful to commence with. I could are transforming into out quicker. 5. Are there any babies in touch? fortuitously, no. 6. have you ever remarried...if so how many circumstances? purely as quickly as even with the undeniable fact that it became into on paper basically to assist a chum who became into in intense monetary prefer. It lasted purely over a year, sufficient time for him to recuperate his life & it became into what we agreed on previous to the settlement. As for re-married for authentic, i've got no longer executed that & no longer very probable to the two.
- LysLv 41 decade ago
If he is beating you hard, I would separate until you know if divorce is the answer. If its just a push/shove when you are in a heated argument I would brush it off, but if it's punching/hitting, I would leave. Go stay in a hotel for a few nights and maybe tell him to call you. If he doesn't call you, maybe move out and see if you guys get back together?
- BuntsLv 61 decade ago
Oh dear. I hate to say this, but get out.
You may well find out that the shite that you married can end up
as your best friend. I am still in touch with the girl that I married
in 1966. We are closer now - and better friends - than we ever
were when we were married.
- 1 decade ago
Physical abuse always trumps any positive things that might be in a marriage. Get a restraining order and a divorce.
Also, never forget, abusive spouses never change, no matter how much they might apologize.
- 1 decade ago
You never EVER EVER EVER stay with someone that hits you.
NEVER FRICKIN EVER
you need to get out and now. it will get worse, he will keep pushing the abuse as far as he can, the longer you put up with it the more he will think he can do it because you let him.
1 hit is one too man, I would even leave based on a raised fist. there is just no excuse.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom in order to make the changes in his life he needs to make. So, call 911, explain what happened, file charges, do not bail him out, and testify against him at his trial. Lots of prisons have good anger management programs, and if your husband is forced to face the consequences of his behavior, he just might avail himself of them. It may be his only hope for true and lasting change - please do not deprive him of it.