how long does it take to heal after a break up of a 18 month relationship?
I dont cry anymore but i think about him daily...i dont even want him cus the relationship wasnt good but i still miss him in a way or maybe just the constant companionship...i always wonder if he thinks about me the same way. I refuse to go on his myspace or fb so i dont see his face but i dont want to think about him PERIOD!!!
- woerdenLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
It really does take time.
The ol' rule of thumb for when to start dating again is one month for every year you were together. That would be about one and a half months, in this case. But what do guidelines like this really mean, anyway?
A friend recently separated from his wife. She left him abruptly, and he was devastated. I reminded him that we never know what tomorrow will bring. And I eventually mentioned that guideline. He ignored it, and did what so many men do. He went out and started dating right away, having sex, etc.
We had dinner not too long ago, and he again explained that he was still having a very hard time dealing with what had happened (4 months after the break-up). He mentioned the guideline I'd told him, as though that's how long it was supposed to take to get over the pain. (Married for 5 years, that would be about 5 months.) In reality, the guideline was meant to suggest the amount of time someone should wait before starting to date again...to give them ample time to heal enough that any new relationships have a chance to start off on the right foot.
You see, what women do is typically the opposite of men. We usually lay low, feel all the emotions, refrain from dating, and after a few months, we come out on the other side pretty whole, and ready to start again. The criticism many people make about men is, they jump right back into dating, and never fully deal with their emotions. They then find themselves a year later, or more, still not having resolved their issues...and often with a string of failed relationship and broken hearts behind them.
What I wanted to say to my friend was, 'You didn't actually follow the guideline. You did what it hoped to avoid. By dating and getting into physical relationships right away, you're prolonging the agony.'
Still, I've been nothing but supportive with him (which he tells everyone). And I remind him of his good qualities, and that we truly don't know what tomorrow will bring.
Well...days after that meeting, his wife contacted him and wanted to come back. (In reality, she'd been in contact with me, asking for my advice, too.) With my encouragement, they reconciled, and are now working towards an even stronger relationship.
That's not to say you should hold out for reconciliation. It's just that you don't know what tomorrow will bring. So do what's in your best interests, in the mean time. Don't betray yourself. Be kind to yourself and those around. And forgive, if you can.
- 1 decade ago
you know sometimes this type of things are not in our hand its in our heart and it takes to much time to leave but u know nothing is impossible!!!! if u have a will then i think u can do ya i know its easy to say but hard to do.
dont give a single time to this(thinking) just engage urself in which u have a interest just busy urself .