How can I catch my husband cheating or get him to admit he is or has?

I'm pretty sure that my husband has or is cheating on me. All of the signs are there except for him telling me the truth about it. Everytime I ask he continues to lie about it. He has come home with marks (hickies) on his neck after spending the night out all night and said that he got into a fight at the mall and that the mark was a bruise, but when I ask mall security about a fight no one knew what I was talking about. I found a phone number that I had been suspicious about b4, but it was under a guys name in his phone and when I called it, it was a woman's cell phone. I called it twice and she wouldn't answer, it went to voicemail (that is how I knew it was a woman's phone). After the second call I made to it, she then called me back on a witheld number and when l said hello she hung up on me. I called her back a third time and she didn't answer. I tried calling a fourth time and she had blocked my number. My husband is also very verbally, emotionally abusive, and controlling. He is always at a friends house after work. Even on the weekends he finds somewhere to go besides being at home.I do not believe in divorce unless the spouse has committed adultery. I can't afford a private investigator to follow him. So, I need some advice on how to catch him cheating or get him to admit it. Please help!!!

27 Answers

  • CJunk
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Pretend you are going away for a few days. He will take advantage of that time and see his smarter girlfriend that has a life, while you are 'out of town'. catch him then

    Face it, if you feel this way now, then it aint gonna work

  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Reasons to stay:

    1. Verbally abuses you.

    2. Emotionally abuses you.

    3. Doesn't like to go home to you.

    4. Stays out all night.

    5. Has girls phone numbers.

    6. Females have called his phone.

    7. Controlling.

    8. Liar.

    9. Comes home with Hickeys.

    10. He's a jerk.

    Reasons to Leave:

    1. Catch him red hand cheating on you.

    See honey I had to lay it out for you so that you can see what I see.

    You don't need proof to leave your husband, you have more than enough reasons NOT to be with him.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sorry to hear that. That is the one of the worst things I think someone can go through in a marriage.

    There are some things you must do first. One is don't appear to be suspicious. It will be harder to catch a person when you are always questioning them and keeping their guard up all the time. You need to appear relaxed and doing your day to day routine around them....even though you are pissed.

    The person cheating will almost never admit it until shown evidence....they will often still lie even when it's ridiculous to deny it.

    Here's a good article describing how to approach it and things to do to help catch them and eventually force them to confess.

    The hardest part is keeping your head about it though. You shouldn't let someone ruin your life by doing that stuff and they will even more when you let the thoughts of the unknown control also makes you do irrational things that won't help.

    Good luck.

  • clarry
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    First of all the fact that you don't believe in divorce unless a spouse has committed adultery is a little stupid to me. You've already stated that he's abusive and spends lots of time away from you purposely...they are good reasons in my mind. You sound so miserable. Why don't you just start building a new life for yourself rather than obsessing on his 'might be' affair. Good Luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    Private investigate yourself. Its cheap and possibly the only way. Call him at work and see if he is coming home the night you do it. If he says he is going to be at a friends house then you put this plan into action.

    1. Rent a Car

    2. Possibly a camera or camcorder so he cant argue against what you saw.

    3. follow him(not like right behind him, but if he drives into a unknown neighborhood, drive past it so he doesn't think someones following him then go in there.

    Its cheap and you could see the truth with your own eyes.

    Sorry to hear what happened to you, Good luck.

  • AJM
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You don't believe in divorce unless adultery has been committed but you believe staying in a relationship when the man has absolutely no respect for you is ok? I don't know the whole story, just your side, but from what I hear, this man is extremely disrespectful and this is not how God desires us to be. You should have more respect for yourself and demand that he get help for his abusiveness or he needs to leave.

  • 1 decade ago

    You can follow him. It is not illegal because you are married. I think you can buy a GPS system where you put some kind of transmitter under the bumper of his car and follow late without being seen for not very much money. I think I saw one in some magazine one time for a couple hundred dollars. I am sorry you are having this problem. Good luck to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    I honestly think you should ask him directly, bring it up to his attention that something has clearly changed if he still denies it then why dont you go out & be ur own spy. Carry a camera ofcourse if you catch him in action. If your up for a divorce and now you have proof use those pictures, he cant deny it then. Make sure you save copies though just in case.

    Dont know if thats much help but its a start you know.

  • 1 decade ago

    He says he got in a fight at the mall? Is your husband 14? Get someone to follow him; either a P.I. or a friend.

    I would say to save yourself the trouble, trust your gut, and leave him. If he doesn't want to spend any time at home he's obviously not committed to the relationship.

    Ask around, I think the statistics show that if you think he is cheating, given the evidence you have, he probably is.

  • 1 decade ago

    This probably isn't what you want to hear, but in Islam (when you don't have "evidence" that your spouse is cheating), you go to your religious adviser, explain the issue, and then you either:

    1. Reconcile the issue through counseling, or

    2. Invoke the curse of God upon the one who's lying, and get a divorce.

    Very simple.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Perhaps have a friend that he doesn't know follow him now and then to see where he is hanging out, with whom, and for a witness.

    Direct confrontation at the scene could be dangerous for you.

    If you decide to leave, do it when he's away for a while. not while he is there, might be dangerous if he is the abusive type as it sounds.

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