Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

help please,very difficult moment for me,l need your advice.?

he is my best friend,will have been friends for 7 yrs now,will have gone through alot together like brother and sister,he was a witness to my marriage,and now he wants to be my lover,l feel bad,l don't know what came over him,for one month now,he calls me more than twice a day,at first l taught he was joking,he said he WAS IN LOVE WITH ME FOR 7yrs NOW,that he was afraid to tell me cos he don't want to hurt me,today he call me and he was crying ,he said he regretted not telling me the truth about his feelings all these years,he said he can no longer continue to live a lie.DONT know what to tell him,l have told him my mind,that l can never cheat on my hubby, he keeps on calling.l love him like a brother,he has been there for me like a brother ,l don't want to loose him,and l can not marry him cos l am married with a kid,l feel so bad,l lost my blood brother who l love so much to a car accident 2 MONTHS AGO,and now my only best friend who is like a brother to me and who l trusted,who is always there for me in good and bad moments now wants to marry me when he knows that l am married with a kid.l am going crazy,is a difficult moment for me .WHAT DO YOU THINK.l need your advice please

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Your friend always wanted you all along and has gotten tired of waiting for you to come around. Tell him it's not going to happen so move on because you already have.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your friend is confused and is totally being unfair to you. If he really wanted you so badly, he would have intervened long ago before you got married. He may be at a point in his life where he is depressed, maybe because broke up with an ex-girlfriend or something. In either case, he had no right to say what he said to you, especially since he had been like a brother to you for so long. You will need to tell it to him straight so that there will be no misunderstanding. He is your best friend and nothing more. If he can't keep it at that, then he will lose his best friend. You can consider setting him up with a blind date or with a service. I recommend that you do not do anything with him alone, including something as innocent as having coffee together. That will only drive him closer to you in the wrong way. If you really love your husband, tell him about this situation before your friend does anything to screw up your marriage. Of course this means that he may want you to give up your best friend forever. But, it is your "friend" that has screwed up this friendship, not you.

  • Elsie
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I think it was very selfish of him to suddenly profess his love for you, especially at a time when you so vulnerable, having just lost your brother. Why now, all of a sudden, after standing by quietly while you dated, planned a wedding, got married and had a child.

    You need to explain to him that you can't return his feelings. Emphasize that you do not want to lose his friendship, but if he continues to talk about this, you will have to end the friendship. I know that's not what you want to do, but you made a commitment to your husband, not to him. If you have not already done so, you need to tell your husband what is going on. If you don't, and he finds out from someone else, it's going to reflect badly on you...you will look guilty for having hidden it from him. He may also be of assistance in helping you deal with this guy.

  • 1 decade ago

    So you are SURE that you do not have romantic feelings for this guy? And you are SURE that you love your husband the way a wife should? If you are sure about those two things then I think you need to tell your husband what your friend told you, and you must end the friendship. It will only hurt your marriage to continue trying to be friends with a man that is in love with you and wants to be with you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I have a best friend that is a guy too, of 12 years! He stood in our wedding, we stood in his, he was there when our kids were both born, and we were there for his kids - the same thing happened. Just talk to him. It worked for me. Tell him how important he is to you and what your friendship really means. Tell him you love him too, but not in the same way. I'm sure, if he is a "true best friend" that he is going to understand. I'm pretty positive that part of his emotions are playing on the holiday season - most people tend to get sentimental during this time.

    Best of luck to you

    Source(s): Personal experience
  • 1 decade ago

    You made a commitment to your husband when you married him. You need to tell your friend that you are committed to your husband and your child and that you will not even entertain the idea of breaking up your family. If this friend that you think of as a brother continues to call, my advice is to ignore his calls! I assume you have caller ID. And if he continues to make a pest of himself, you can always file harassment charges against him. I know that is extreme, but hopefully it won't come to that.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'd feel terrible if my brother type friend felt this way. It would be hard to tell him I don't feel the same but on the other hand, he knows everything about you so he should already know you love your husband, you are committed to your husband and your family. He won't want to acknowledge it but he knows its true. He knows he can't have you. Unless you have given him the impression he can...if so, shame on you.

  • 1 decade ago

    first of all, you should tell him that he shouldn't have waited so long to tell you this...you are married now with a child...and you love this man...do not let him ruin this for you...

    make it clear to him that he is to late and that he has missed the boat and there is nothing you can do about it...he should move on and find someone else because you are not available...

    you cannot allow him to get in the middle of your marriage...that is not right...if he continues to bother you about it, you will have to make a very tough decision...which is to let him out of your life or to allow him in and ruin you marriage...

    if he keeps up with this, tell your hubby, let him know whats going on...you must do all in your power to prevent yourself from not cheating...remember you have a child and you do not want to mess up his/her life by being selfsh...

    if you love your hubby, you will tell your friend to stop and to leave you alone...he has to move on...its to late...

    good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    He has to respect your commitment to your husband. It sounds like he is in crisis. I would inform your husband and maybe together you can help this friend. Do it as a unit so he understands...it may bring you all closer...in a good way. He may be just crying out for help

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If he were such a good friend he would not be jeopardizing your marriage like this.I'd tell him to stop all this calling and begging or you no longer want contact with him.Being friends is one thing-being a stalker is another.

    Source(s): living my life
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