Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

I'm torn between two guys...what can I do?

I am a 23 year old white girl who recently graduated from UC Davis...and I'm absolutely torn between two guys. If you already read my other questions, then the background information is nothing new:

I've been with my boyfriend (who's white, 24 years old, and a grad student & swimmer at UC Berkeley) for about a year. He is very extroverted, LOVES partying, and knows how to have a good time (very much like me!) -- I guess that's why I initially chose to date him. I don't really have feelings for him though...I merely agreed to date him so I could have a buddy to go with to parties. Yesterday, he proposed to me, and I turned him down, saying that I needed a bit more time to think it out.

But the reason I turned him down is because the man I'm truly in love with is my best friend whom I've known since junior high: a 21 year old Korean guy from Stanford who's in his junior year. He is kinda cute...but more importantly, he's a very modest, calm, and quiet guy -- but he's SOOO ridiculously nice. He's sort of a pushover...but something about him makes me really like him (he's pretty romantic too: one of the best piano players I've ever met). I think he's a bit scared of me though...since I always lecture him and act like an older sister to him since he's so socially awkward.

Finding someone to have a few drinks with here and there is one thing...but I realized yesterday that it's a completely different story when it comes down to choosing your partner for life. Certainly I won't be spending the next 50-60 years of my life getting wasted and dancing. If I could someone as my life partner, I'd choose my best friend, but I'm scared that he would turn me down since I've already lost my virginity to my current boyfriend. is so confusing and complicated...what should I do?

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think you need to start living your life more honestly. If your communication with your current bf is so poor that he thought you would marry him, that demonstrates that you are not good at being clear and honest. Even when you talk about your best friend, it sounds full of gamesmanship, especially where you talk about him being a pushover. You see these men from a very girlish viewpoint, and not in the way that a grown up, adult woman would look at people. Frankly, I think you have a great deal of emotional maturing to do before you're ready even to begin thinking about marrying anyone.

  • Elsie
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Neither. You are obviously not ready to make any kind of commitment to anyone. The way you describe your relationship with your best friend sounds more like a mom that a friend.

    You're in a classic love don't love the guy who loves you, and the guy who loves you isn't interested. You should definitely NOT marry a guy just because the other guy isn't asking. It would not be fair to him when he could be with a woman who really loves him and accepts him for who he is.

    Keep dating and find a guy who is a blend of everything you like in both guys.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You would get bored quickly with your Korean friend. Seriously. He is too nice, a pushover, plays piano..he will not keep you interested. Don't be looking for a husband..look for some one to date. And don't count on the Korean guy because his family would hate you two being together. Leave the poor guy alone.

  • 1 decade ago

    Make a list of what you want to do in life.

    Could your current boyfriend take you there? Could you see him reaching those goals alongside him?

    Secondly, partiers have a reputation for being unfaithful.

    As for the other man, if you love him, go for him and talk it out with him. See what he feels about you. I think you could go somewhere with him.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds to me, you like the quiet guy -for marriage-because you would be more able to control him.I don't mean that in a critical way. It's just that he would be more predictable and easy to be with because he seems more stable about things.

    Source(s): party guy=unpredictable quiet guy=smooth sailing
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you had to choose between the two, the best friend in the best bet.

  • 1 decade ago

    Best friend... No marriage works if the spouses are not best friends anyway.

  • Javi
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    you will go with the party-er I guarantee it...nice guys finish last....the party-er over time will want someone else to party with...then you will regret not going wiht the nice guy...

  • 1 decade ago

    And where does the black guy come in?

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