Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Is it wrong to kick a brides maid out of the party if she got prego?

This sounds in my opinion much worse then what it really is soo please read my explanation first...My SIL is first of all NOT my favorite person or one who I would ever talk to if not for her being my SIL. She's a good person but has too many idiot qualties to deal with. I however promised my fiancee that she'd be a BM because he loves her and knows she would have ben devasted if she was not. I needed another BM anyway to make it even with GM so I didnt mind. However now is found out that she is prego. And even more then that no one knows exactly how prego she is or will be at the wedding. She told everyone that she was about 2 weeks into october, and at the time she told us she was 2 months along. After she supposedly had a Dr. apt they said her due date is June 17. Lets do the simply math here...someone who got prego at the end of august/beginning o sept. can NOT be due in June. Her husband is an idot and has no idea how it all works and believes eveything she says anway. My MIL is supposed to go to her upcomming ultrasound but who knows if she will. The dresses that my girls are wearing are NOT going to fit let alone look good on anyone who is at least 7 1/2 months prego (wedding is April 5). I want everyone in my bridal party to match and I am not making any exceptions for anyone especially her. Personally if I were her I would have offered to give up my spot when I first found out just out of politness...but she has no sense of manners so I know that will never happen. Now my MIL keeps bringing up this dress that my SIL had worn to a wedding before that would possibly cover her up but is 1) totally the wrong color..it's burgandy and our colors are choclate ivory and wasabi. And 2) isnt the same as the other girls. My SIL dsen't understand when people drop hints about things so it's not even like if I make her feel akwared about it or anything that shell get it and drop out. I would let her do a reading or something but I just dont want a girl who looks like shiat and is HUGE in my bridal party. Even if it were MOH who is my BF I would want her to step out too..so it's not cause it's just her. It's just extra aggrivating because it is her. What can I do?

Update:

OK well heres the thing had she gotten prego mid-spt then yes she can be due mid june, however 9 weeks prego the second week of oct she could not be due mid june. At the latest end of May. My whole point with that was how much of an idiot she is that she doesnt een know and can't keep her "facts" straight. I would NEVER pay for ANY of her dress. I allowed her to be in the BP because I really wanted an even # of GM and BM and I already had my 3 bests as my BM's and I have no sisters or girl cousins so it was almost by default. Secondly I NEVER asked her technically. When she ound out that we made a deposit and set the date and time she called my fiancee and was trying to get her friends invited and also demanding that since she was his sister she should be in the wedding and pretty much ever since she just has been. There is no way even the best seamstress could make any prego person look good in these dresses. They are dutchess satin knee length tight cocktail dresses.

Update 2:

I've been prego so I dont think all prego women in all dress look like shiat. I really ment with how prego shell be and the material and style of this dress even the cutest prego person would look terrible in it. Sorry i we are paying a crap load of money or our perfect wedding and someone I dont actually care about is now going to make my very expensive pictures not look as perfect as they could be. Bridezilla or not I really dont care I am only doing this once and quite frankly I think it is just polite or her to at least have offered to drop out. Then I could have said "well considering the dresses and everything if you really wouldn mind maybe you can do a reading/pass out programs ect. and then you can wear something more appropriate and comfortable ect."

Update 3:

Another dress is NOT an option at all!!! I have somewhat conceeded to the fact that she is going to be a BM but it is MY wedding and even my Fiancee agrees that it in no way means she gets a different dress. He doesnt agree with me wanting to ask her t step down but he does agree that they are my BM and I choose their dresses and that is that. Also aside from my MIL and my SIL no one in their family would care if I asked her to step down. AND 9 months from the 1weeks of sept would be the 1st week of June...not halfway through the month! She got prego in either the last few days of Aug or first few of Sept. Not mid month!!!!!!!

36 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You have obviously already made your choice and are just looking for someone to tell you that it's okay to kick your future sister in law out of your wedding, but it's not. You sound like an awful person and very selfish. If you didn't want her in the wedding in the first place you shouldn't have let her "invite" herself in just so you could have even numbers. If you weren't such a b*tch maybe you would have more friends! Tell her you will not make any changes to your current plan and her only option is to step down. Then you can have an uneven number in your bridal party and unhappy family members! The poor groom should get out while he still can. YIKES! Oh, and congratulations on your new niece or nephew!! Oh...that's right...you don't care.

    Source(s): I'm getting married in August and my matron of honor just announced that she is pregnant and due close to my wedding! It's a very exciting time for both of us and I'm glad she still wants to be my matron and I think she will look beautiful in her gown!!!!
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You have two choices- either say no you can't be in the wedding or just say yes and accomodate. It can work if you truly wanted it to, but it sounds like you don't want her in the wedding anyways and will make up any excuse for it not to work.

    Believe me you will not even remember who wore what and when a few years down the line nor will you care unless you are very materialistic.

    Yes it is your special day so if you are that upset by it then don't have her, but know you will have to deal with her on Holidays and get togethers. This may be the a deal breaker.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Is there really a question in there, or are you just hoping someone will agree that your desires are fine?

    People get pregnant. And people gain weight and lose weight. And people get in car crashes and have broken limbs requiring casts. You can keep the colours you want and have a different dress for this gal. Believe me, it's not like people won't notice that she is pregnant.

    Sorry. No support here. I don't care how much of an idiot she is, or her husband is, or how much you didn't want her in the first place, or how nobody can figure out how she got pregnant and when she is due. None of that matters. Your comments are definitely in the Bridezilla category.

  • Jilly
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    If you were so worried about your day being perfect, you shouldn't have let a girl be a bridesmaid who you didn't like in the first place. You made your bed, now you have to deal with the consequences.

    I realize that you want everything to match - but you're going to be with these people for at least one major holiday a year. Is it really worth pissing them off for the rest of your life over a stupid dress? If a 12 hour period of your life is worth sacrificing a good relationship with your fiances family, then go ahead. Otherwise, get over it. There are going to be bigger fights with his family and if you pick this one, you'll be screwed on something else.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry, but, yes it is wrong to kick a bridesmaid out of the wedding party because she is pregnant. I can sympathize with you as I was in a similar situation, except I actually liked my bridesmaid. My bridesmaid found out after I asked her to be in my wedding party that she would be 8.5 months pregnant at the wedding. She hemmed and hawed but in the end, stepped down because she didn’t feel she could handle the stress. I was fine with having her as a bridesmaid, but some family members were not comfortable with the idea of a pregnant bridesmaid (even tho she is married). I looked up every sort of etiquette and it is completely wrong to ask a bridesmaid to step down for any reason. That is why you need to think hard about who you ask to be in your wedding party.

    And, just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she'll look horrible. I've seen many beautiful pregnant bridesmaids.

    I know it sucks, but being a bride doesn't give anyone the right to hurt someone's feelings on purpose.

    Congrats and hope everything goes well.

  • 1 decade ago

    I dont see why this is such a big deal, but i got pregnant in September and delivered June 23rd. My doctor changed my due date several times early in my pregnancy, because a due date is just an estimation and its hard to be accurate on that anyway. It wasn't that I didn't know my FACTS, its just that the doc kept changing them!

    If you feel so strongly about it, JUST ASK HER TO STEP DOWN. Jeez. Why are you here? Do you want a bunch of strangers to tell you that its okay for you to kick her out of your wedding? It sounds like your mind is already made up.

  • Suck it up. You promised your husband his sister could be a bridesmaid. She didn't get pregnant to spite you. Relax. I know wedding days are stressful, but it's only one day for a couple of hours. Is it really worth upsetting his side of the family? I, personally, wouldn't want to start off being part of his family with something this negative. Regardless of the other dresses you'll be able to find something, if not identical, really close to the other BM's in maternity. You don't like her and found a reason to give her the boot.

    Look at it this way: You and your husband find out you're expecting---you'd be so excited!! Now you tell your BF or sister who is getting married--and their first response is, "you're gonna look like sh*t at my wedding, your no longer invited". What you are saying is just unbelievably rude, and is going to crush your husband. Marriage is a lifetime of sacrifices and compromises--you've gotta start somewhere, why not on your wedding day?

    You could ask her if she thinks she's going to feel up to being a BM being over 7mos pregnant. That is a much more tactful way to gage how she feels about it. If she wants to do it, let her. Do you really want to start your marriage with your husband resenting you for hurting his sister, and his mother disliking you for upsetting her pregnant daughter? Good Luck!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, I wonder if this is a troll? When you said it sounds worse than it is, I assumed you had a good reason for wanting her to step down. But in reality, you don't want to mess up the appearance of your precious bridal party by having her be 7.5 months pregnant. That is ridiculous. If she was going to be due like 2 weeks within your wedding, then it only makes sense for her to step down because who knows when the baby will come. But 7.5 months unfortunately means you have to deal with a pregnant bridesmaid. And how exactly will this take away from you, other than it altering the fairy tale image in your mind? This is not a fairy tale, it's real life, and yes people get pregnant.

    Ask her to step out, sure...just realize your entire family is going to think of you as Bridezilla for the next 30 years!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think this is a VERY tough situation, and I seriously feel for you! I know you don't want to step on toes with your SIL and MIL, so just make it very clear that you "can't wait to see everyone in their dresses" and you can even make hints like "Oh I wonder how this dress is going to look on [SIL's name here] with her beautiful prego belly!"

    Play dumb if you have to about how big she'll look-- but NEVER allow anyone to get away with "casually mentioning" that she could wear another dress!! That is NOT an option! Once she realizes that she's going to have to either A) squeeze into the dress you picked- preggo belly and all, or B) give up her spot, I'm guessing she'll step down.

    This is your big day, and it sounds like the dresses matching is really important to you (as it should be)... don't give in!

    I'm the MatronOH in my best friend's wedding in a few months, and she's having similar issues with one of her BMs... she just told her to order the dress in the biggest size they had (or what she thought would be enough material), and then have it altered down a few weeks before the wedding (and keep it loose for growth in the belly). Everyone seems to be fine with it- no complaints! Maybe you can offer for her to do that...

  • 1 decade ago

    Ok, I'm the perfect person to answer this question as your fiancee would react. My wife feels the EXACT same way about my brother's fiancee. ONE: you need to know that you are going to be sister's with this girl for the REST of your life. TWO: its not all about you, your bridal party is just as much his as it is yours. THREE: your actions will come back to haunt you, either from your husband or the sister herself. With that being said you are acting completely inappropriate and you need to deal with that. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and should be celebrated. Not hidden. Despite how she will look in the dress you need to be understanding. Your pictures and your day will be fine, how many pictures could she possibly be in. You need to get your act under control and realize that there is another person getting married that day, you're not doing it all yourself. Very Selfish of you.

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