Farina
Lv 5
Farina asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

I'm getting married, but nervous about being independent from being overprotected?

I grew up in a rather well-off and overprotective family. Growing up, I knew the same faces...same relatives, same family friends. My best friend has been my friend since gradeschool, in the same school. I haven't even gotten to meet my own neighbors. The only time I was "independent" was in college, but my parents still asked my older brother to stay in the same apartment. So basically, I've always been looked after.

Growing up was tough in a way people around me would make fun of me for being "somekind of diva"...I'm a very outspoken and nice person, so I never really understood what people disliked abt me. And also since I'm so protected I'm more of a bookish person and I find myself completely lost when I'm in the "outside" world. There are so many things I don't know HOW to do and can't understand...It's even too embarrassing to say.

So now I'm getting marreid next year. I'm ready to be with my partner, but I am extremely nervous about the things I just mentioned....has anyone experienced something similar? Pls help me out...thank you....

Update:

Doctor Deth, thank u. I realize that, but in my position, I've no other choice. I can't live on my own without my parents feeling as though I'm being a rebellion. I've tried to do it in the past, and it was dubbed as "running away" and my dad called the cops. It was so embarassing. I want to get married, I've been thinking abt this for over 2 years being with the same guy...we are both ready. But I know 1 major challenge is living independently...though I'd RATHER have a hard time being on my own than continue living in an overprotected and overly traditional environment...

6 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I was pretty independent even when I was growing up although my parents were strict. My friend is experiencing the same thing (she didn't know you could used your debit card with a visa logo as credit at the gas pump). She doesn't know a lot of little things, but neither did everyone else until they learned it. So don't worry, you will learn new things and you will experience new things and it will work out. Read up on how long it takes to boil water or iron if you don't know how. Get cookbooks if you're just trying out cooking. It can be fun if you and your partner work on it together!

  • 1 decade ago

    My fiance had a very sheltered life he was very much controlled by his mother until he moved out of her house because she was making it impossible for him to ever see me. When he left he was really nervous and he had a tough time getting used to it all, but I was there for him every step of the way and now he flourishes in his freedom. My point is do not think of it as loosing that protection think of it as now some one else who loves you will be there for you. For the things you don't know how to do sometimes there are free classes you can take that your town or local schools will offer.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well even after 6 years living in another country there are still things I screw up! If I took myself too seriously or was embarrassed, I wouldnt have lasted more than a day here.

    People like others who are real. People who can be honest about who they are. Humour will help you in a myriad of situations. Learn to laugh at yourself and reach out to others for help. I think you will be surprised. And force yourself to get out there and do what you need to, by yourself. You have to be proactive.

  • 1 decade ago

    Don't be nervous...be excited! Look at this new chapter in your life as being empowering. Does your fiance see you as someone he needs to shelter and protect, or does he encourage you to fly at his side? You will get the chance to be a full-fledged adult, and that isn't always easy, but it is very rewarding to take care of yourself, and I have found that there is something that still feeds my independent side about knowing that I can take care of my husband and that he sees me as being capable and strong.

    It's all about an attitude adjustment: look with eagerness about the day you get to get married and start a more grown up life. It won't be easy, but it is yours for you and your husband to build together: equally.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    it's never a good thing to go straight from a overprotective home right into a marriage - everyone should be required to live away from family (non-relative roommate okay) for a year or two to learn how to deal with the real world before getting married - if you don;t live on your own, how do you develop independent thinking and living skills?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    make friends. tell them what you just told us, "hey, I don't know how to (do laundry, cook, pump gas, clean, go to the movie alone, shop, etc.) will you show me how?"

    i had to show many college roomates how to do stuff. make lots of female friends you will be ok.

    relish your new freedom!

    i have known two women like you - they were percieved as rich snobs, but in truth they had been isolated and sheltered and were painfully shy.

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