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How soon is to soon...?

So me and my fiance have been together for almost a year, on December 6th, and we're planning on getting married in Feb or March. He's in the navy, and he went on his first deployment in mid march and got back august 1st. Then left again October 16th, and won't be back until end of Jan. I know technically we haven't been around each other alot, but we're living together, and we cannot stand to be apart. We broke up for a month, and we both went crazy and got back together as soon as we could. We both know we want to spend forever with the other, but I'm just wanting opinions. Any answer won't change my mind, but I'm just curious what other people think. Do you think it's to soon? Or if we feel ready should we take the plunge? Also, we both want a kid, and we've never felt like this with anyone else before.


Why should we get counseling?

Update 2:

And we spent everyday together regardless of us living together or not.

Update 3:

I'm turning 21 on the 29th and he's just turned 20 on August 14th

Update 4:

to that chris guy, if she was in love with him, and if he treated her the way my guy treats me, and all my family approved of him, I'd tell her to follow her heart and her head, especially if they agree.

Update 5:

Also, I've never really been a go wild party girl, and to me it feels like it's time for me to settle down and start a family. I'm not going to have a wild streak later, it's just not me. But I know in my heart it's time for me to do that.

Update 6:

The main reason we want to get married is because we love each other, but also the benefits will help when we have a kid. And if he gets re-stationed the only way I can go with him and live with him is if we're married. We have had fights, and don't always agree with the other person, but we talk it out and actually look at the other persons perspective before we make decisions

22 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If you both feel ready and you have family anf friends who will give you support if you need it then go ahead no-one but you can tell you it's right. i moved to another state and had no friends or family here to live with my soon to be husband and people told me i was crazy and although I miss my family I have never been more content and happy in my life.

  • 1 decade ago

    I went to college with several girls who were engaged to military men. Out of 5, only 1 had been with the guy for more than a year. Another got engaged after knowing each other for only a month (I'll never understand that). I won't go into detail on these, but none of them ended well.

    Honestly, I think you can get to know someone well in a year if you spend a lot of time together and you communicate well. But when someone has been away for long periods of time like your fiance has, it just doesn't work the same. Yes you miss each other and you can communicate via internet or phone, but it's not the same as having that close personal relationship all the time. You get to know how someone is from a distance, not how that person is up close all the time.

    Yes, I know that you have spent several lengthy periods of time together, but it's not the same as being around each other constantly over a period of time. I hope that what I'm saying makes sense.

    Yes, I do believe that you are both getting married far too soon, but I hope that you can be the "exception to the rule" (or the pattern at least) of what I have seen in the past.

    Good luck to you both.

  • 1 decade ago

    What's the rush. Being married isn't as romantic as it's made out to be. It's ALOT of work and takes great commitment (not just being faithful, but a commitment to endure each other, support each other, and being there even when every bone in your body wants to walk away). I know you are probably thinking you would never feel that way towards your special guy, but trust me if you spend a lifetime with him you definitely will hit that time, probably more than once. And he will too. Having a deep friendship is very important as love will come and go. Anyway, my point is why do you guys want to get married so fast? What's the reason for not just being together and experiencing life together. You already live together. Getting married won't change anything, except block the exit door. If I were you I would wait just a little longer. You haven't really had time to know each other really well, since he's been on leave so much.

    However, if you do choose to do it I wish you guys the best. Good Luck and Congrats!

    Also, having a kid is actually the bigger deal than the marriage. It changes EVERYTHING!!!! Kids are sooo much work. Well worth it, but tons of work. It changes the way you feel about your hunny, the way you look at them, the time you get together, the things you do together. I mean everything changes! No more stopping for a quick soda at a convience store, you don't want to get the baby out. No more going out to movies, infact no movies at home either....unless it's Shrek or Wall-E. No more spontaneous sex in the livingroom. No more subway or sub shop, you'll be hitting those drive threws....don't wanna get the baby out. No more painting your toes, getting ready for an won't have time. No more cute shirts, they'll have spit up all over them anyway. No more spending money on DVDs, purses, shoes, or gotta buy diapers and rattles.

    I know it sounds like I am ranting, but seriously when I had my first son I was shocked at how much my life changed. I never for a second thought that my husband and I's relationship would change. People would tell me that and I would say, "not ours". Ha ha! I was wrong. It just changes everything. In good ways of course, but also in ways that take a lot of adjusting. If you are going to go ahead and get married at least wait for the kid. And people are right about the counseling. It shouldn't be called counseling. It makes it sound bad. But all premarriage counseling is, is someone who asks you guys a bunch of questions about what each of your expectations are about each other in all of the roles you will encounter as married people. Some topics include,


    who makes what

    how to save

    how will it get spent




    how will these be accomplished

    what kind of sacrafices will you have to make



    who will be primary caregiver

    what is considered spoiling

    what kind of food will they eat

    healthcare concerns


    who will clean house

    who will do the yard

    who will decorate

    where will you live

    where will you settle down - will you settle down

    There's a lot of things that come up when you are married. You probably won't think to discuss these things, since most people don't realize they can cause issues. Counseling helps highlight these issues so you can work them out before they arise.

    I would recommend doing it. It proably is covered under is insurance, and it would pay for you since you are future wife.

    We did it and it was good. If you can't do it at least look online for quizes or questions to ask before getting married and discuss them together, honestly. Years ago Dr. Phil had some on his site. I don't know if they are still there, but it's worth checking out.

    Good Luck again!

    Source(s): Married for 5, together for 10
  • 1 decade ago

    First of how old are you two? If you are still young then don't rush into it. Make sure that after the beginning lust for each other wears off you still want to be together. I felt like this with my boyfriend too when I was younger. We are still together six years later and are planning our wedding now! I'm not saying wait that long before marriage but give it al least another year. Take time to really get to know one another because marriage is a big deal and once you say I do that means you have each other for life.

  • 1 decade ago

    Only you can know what's in your heart and how to follow it. I can tell you that when I met the man I ended up marrying, I knew it right away. But it's not like that for everyone, it's different because all people are different. You are the only one that can make that desicion! Get counseling before you get married. We did and it was wonderful because we got to know each other even more, in ways we hadn't thought of before. It has helped us with everything from working out problems to planning a budget.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I was a few months shy of 21 when I married, and we had been together for a year. We never broke up though... and the fact that you did makes me think it would be wiser to wait a little bit longer just to be sure. Depending on the reason for the breakup, there may be something one of you should work on before you go all in for marriage.

  • 1 decade ago

    I understand just knowing and being 20 and getting married. I'm that girl too. But I'm curious as to why you broke up for that month? Honestly only the two of you can decided, but don't rush. Yes I see the PROS for getting married but their are CONS as well. You two really haven't been together that long, but then again it's more beneficial. Technically it shouldn't come down to a pros and cons list but you have to think about those. Just give yourself a few months to think on it. Like I said ... no rush. If you ever think no way do I want to do this or anything like that then put it off for sure.

    Good Luck

    Source(s): Engaged @ 18 Bride @ 20
  • 1 decade ago

    I think you should take some more time before you get married. Sometimes after you've been together a lot (like everyday for a year) thing start to change a little bit and you go through a little bit of a rough patch and if you get through that I think that's when your ready for marriage.

  • 1 decade ago

    How old are you? How old is he? It is more a question of maturity than of the amount of time you have spent together. Whatever you do, don't have a child until you are both certain of the commitment. It might be great for the two of you, but it will be hell for the child if the relationship ends prematurely.

  • Nora
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    you are both very young. I think he needs to complete his service obligation and have a year to readjust to life as a civilian before he marries and then wait at least 2 years after the wedding to become a stable couple before you consider a child.

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