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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

called off the engagement, now what?

OK, here is what I know...We moved in together and have been talking about getting marred for a while now. I asked her to marry me a week after i moved in. We have been together for almost 5 years. About a week and a half after I asked her, she told me she has been thinking and she isn't happy and is confused and doesn't know if she loves me enough to marry me. I figured it was just cold feet, but she doesn't think so. I have moved out and we put the engagement on hold. I don't know what I should do. I miss her more every day (been gone for about 1.5 weeks). I KNOW she is what I want. what do I do? how do I give her time without knowing what she is thinking? What can I do to help her through this? I just wish i knew what she was thinking... and I haven't seen her or talked to her since I left. I wish she would contact me. *sigh* sorry, I will wrap it up.

Please let me know what you think is going on and what I should do. Thanks

Update:

please don't think I am a bad guy or anything. I am not abusive or do drugs or drink out of control ( I enjoy a drink every once in a while, but I enjoy healthy living more!) I have a job and a car and am not in any debt, I have never cheated...i am a nice guy... :-( ... i just don't know how you can love someone for so long then it all change....and no, I am not going to do anything crazy so you don't have to tell me that...I am just trying to live day to day. I am just sad all day. this whole thing stinks! :-(

(i don't mean to rant, I just have a lot on my mind...thank you all again for your time and answers)

10 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am so, so, so sorry you're feeling this way...

    I kind of know how she feels though. I recently became engaged, and couldn't be happier, but on the odd occasion, I tend to think "Oh my word! This is crazy!"... I suggest you sit her down and talk to her... it's all i can say... I hope you get the answers you are looking for. I just think after 5 years, she should have expected this coming?

    Hmmm...

    Good luck mate! XXX

  • 1 decade ago

    Something or someone else is in her mind right now. She may have had a dream she married someone else or something that has put her feeling uneasy.

    Honestly the only thing you can really do is let her go. Tell her how you feel and then let it be. You can't force her to be madly in love with you and ready to marry. She may need to live more life before she is ready for that point. And she may not want it with you. Just know that in our life there is that one special one an there are many special people along the way that are part of developing us into the person that will be ready for that everlasting love. She may be your love or she may be a lesson learned along the way. No one know that for sure right now.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I feel so sorry for you i'm getting married soon and I must say some days i get scared and wonder is this right am I totally sure it freaks you out to think this is the person you will grow old with so I get her fear and I've sen people get engaged and then married and there wonderful 7 year relationship fall apart in 12 months but what it all comes down to is how you feel and expressing that to her if she loves you she will tell you exactly whats going on I know that if I ever hurt my fiance the way your hurting i would give my heart and soul to make him understand and find a way to work it through. you deserve her honesty so ask for it. I hope it works out for you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe she is truly not happy in the relationship, if so then let it be, dont make it even more hard on her. I know you love her and think she is the right one for you but there are others out there, even though u are probably saying you dont want anyone else.

    Just call her, see what she says, if she says she isnt happy and doesnt want to be together then leave it at that or if she says she wants to work it out then go for it .

    I hope this has helped.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You've been with her for 5 years.

    SHE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.

    Why the hell would anyone think you need to contact her about ANYTHING?

    If you 2 have been together for 5 years and you bring up marriage and she immediately shuts you down then you have your answer genius!

    She doesn't need time to think. What, 5 years wasn't enough time to think about it? In the 5 years you 2 were together she already thought about it.

    Or what, maybe she needs 5 years and 2 weeks to think about it. Or, 5 years and 2 months to think about it... yeah right...

  • 1 decade ago

    Although it is romantic to know that you love someone, it is almost impossible to make a relationship work when the other person has doubts. If she has mixed feelings then their is a great possibility that she doesn't correspond to your love. Let her realize her emotions towards you without you being behind her back constantly. Maybe time can change her feelings. But, don't give her five years.

  • lolly
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I know that she needs time to think, and you are being great for respecting that. But dude, does she know how YOU feel? Just because she needs time to think doesnt mean you arent going through hell too. How about you try contacting her and tell her how YOU feel. I dont understand really, why would she move in with you if she didnt see a future with you. You will only know by talking to her.

  • I think what you should do is go see her, sit her down, talk to her and ask her to explain why she changed her mind. Ask her nicely, don't lose your temper or anything, that won't help. Just ask her what is going on in her head regarding that, and that you are genuinely interested. It might just be that your not the best thing for her, and unfortunately I've had that happen to me. I had to move on because they were happier with someon else.

  • KitKat
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    get some counseling. a communication breakdown is the smallest of your problems. you were wise to make the mature decision not to marry at this time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    i'd go tell her how you feel then give her time. it will all work out in the end.

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