ther is a girl i like, how do i talk to her?
i'm 17 and a junior at high school. there is this girl that sits a few places away from me in art, i am way too afraid to talk to her.
I think she notices me because i find here staring at me when i'm not looking and when i look back she turns away quickly, and every time i get anywhere near her she shakes a bit and acts strange. Every time i try to talk to her i find myself walking in the opposite direction very fast and she is as quiet in class as i am. What can i do, iv never talked to her before?
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
i would start with vibing with her Vibing is commonly thought of in the community as “fluff talk,” or just filler in between your routines. Even by people who run completely spontaneous game, there’s never been an in-depth breakdown of vibing.
In this post, I will cover:
1.Beginning vibing: Always having spontaneous conversational material, and solving the problem of “stalling out.”
2.Set-up questions: How to vibe when the girl gives you nothing to vibe off of.
3.Timing: How to be completely spontaneous by vibing only off currently relevant topics.
4.Advanced vibing: Leading the conversation away from negative and boring topics, and towards emotionally powerful topics.
1. Beginning Vibing
A common problem for guys without a lot of social experience is that they "stall out" when they are having conversations with girls. This is caused mostly by a lack of experience with vibing, either by a lack of social experience or by over-reliance on canned material.
The most important thing to learn about vibing is that you cannot have an interesting conversation on a single topic for any period of time. The second most important thing is that outside of some very high-energy club environments, you cannot just switch topics randomly. You need to vibe smoothly from one topic to the next.
Vibing is mostly a process of topic association. With everything she says, a girl will give you a number of potential directions in which to take the conversation. Good vibing is the result of being aware of these directions on an unconscious level, and taking the conversation down the best path.
Let's take an easy example. Suppose a girl said to you "At this party last night, I got really drunk and started grinding with my girlfriend and making out with her."
Possible topics for you to vibe off of are:
1. The party last night
2. Parties in general
3. What you did last night
4. Getting really drunk
5. Girls making out with other girls
6. Her girlfriend
8. Dancing at parties/clubs
This is the easy part. Just by recognizing what a wealth of topics she presents you with every time she opens her mouth, you'll solve the problem of "stalling out" and having nothing to say.
Occasionally, you can break the association rule, and make a topic switch with no transition. The key to this is to do it sparingly, especially in low-energy environments. Too much totally unrelated topic switching makes it seem like you’re nervous and too occupied in thinking of the next thing to say to listen to the person and enjoy the conversation.
Once you've mastered beginning vibing and you no longer "stall out," you can move on to the advanced version of vibing, which is picking the best topic to attract the girl with. More on that later.
2. Set-up questions
Usually, girls don't present us with sentences as topic-rich as that last one. For example, let's say you called a girl, said hi, and told her a short story. She laughs, or says cool or whatever, and then doesn't follow that up with questions or a story of her own. You now have NOTHING to vibe off of. This is when most guys panic and bust out an irrelevant canned routine, trying to entertain a girl into talkativeness. Wrong move.
A better way is to ask what I call "set-up questions." A set-up question is a question which is useless by itself, but opens up possibilities for vibing. They are basically the questions AFCs ask all the time. The different between a set-up question and an AFC question is the purpose it is asked for. Examples are:
What have you been up to lately?
Where do you live?
Are you in college?
I hear an accent, what nationality are you?
Obviously, useless for attracting a girl by themselves. You want to avoid asking these questions too much, and only ask them as much as you have to in order to create material to vibe off of.
Let’s go back to our phone example, where you have nothing to vibe off of. This happens to me all the time, and usually I’ll ask the first set-up questions I listed “So, what have you been up to lately?” if she’s unresponsive to my initial story.
Sometimes I get a good answer from this, but often it’s something like “well I got called into work…it was so stressful…and then I watched some TV.” The possible topics here are work, stress and TV. This is something which stumps a lot of guys, when they aren’t presented with any emotionally powerful topics. The critical thing to understand with these responses are that YOU CAN SPIN ANY TOPIC, NO MATTER HOW BORING, INTO AN INTERESTING OR EMOTIONALLY POWERFUL ONE.
Let’s take the example of work. You can easily spin the topic of work into something interesting by telling an interesting work-related story which happened to you or someone you know in the past few days.
For example, in a situation like this a few days ago, I responded with “Yeah, I know what you’re saying, work can be stressful sometimes (pace her reality). I remember once I was doSource(s): own experience