My husband doesn't work?

My husband had a job when we 1st got together then when we dated he quit! We dated about 6 months then broke up....he got a job. We got back together 4 months later and he quit. LOL :) (I am a flight attendant) FYI: I had been in previous relationships were I was treated like **** and the guy worked so having a guy that treats me so great is way better than him having a job. I know that I accepted this and we got married, I am still happy, but sometimes it really gets to me that I'm the only one working. Maybe it's just jealousy. He really like to spend money though on stupid stuff (energy drinks, eatting out, beer...etc.) and it adds up. I have told him I am going to just give him so much money and that pissed him off. Should I just let it go or how do I get him to get a job? I want him to just work part time, but he doesn't want a minimum wage job (yes so he figures not working at all is better).

18 Answers

  • Favorite Answer

    I have no problem with a marital arrangement where one is the bread winner and the other is the works for them, great.

    They are happy with that and it's what they have both decided is best for them, great.


    ..but the bread winner must understand that altho they are 'bringing home the bacon' both partners have equal say in how it is fried...and the house-spouse must also understand that staying at home is NOT a free ride....since they aren't bringing home the bacon as their part of the 'sweat-equity' in the marrriage they should be contributing their 'sweat equity' in other ways....

    So the bread winner brings home the paycheck...and does have some house & yard chores while the house-spouse runs the home and has the majority of the house chores and many of the yard chores, too, as their contribution.....and both have equal voice in how the home and the paycheck is managed with consideration given to the one who is running the house as far as house matters are concerned or earning the paycheck as far as working outside the home is concerned.

    It does not matter what gender the bread winner or the house-spouse is.

    Both house -spouse & bread winner must agree on what is a want and what is a need...monies and sweat equity goes to needs first...such as a clean home, laundry, bills, groceries, cooking, minding the kids, home and yard maintenance, clothing,medical/dental, car maintenance, etc....

    then if there is left-over money & time, vacations, 'toys' and other forms of 'play' (not sex I consider that a need for both partners).

    This balancing act must be agreed to before the marriage.

    Sounds like you're the breadwinner by de-fault...fine if he's holding up his end of the marriage by being the is he contributing to the marriage with sweat equity...or is he looking for a free ride.

    A free ride= a BUM....Bums can be male or female, too.

    So, determine if he's a Bum..and if he is tell him the free ride is over...Either he contributes sweat equity and works with the money you two need to share, or he gets off his @ss and earns some bacon.....even if he brings home 1/2 pound to your full pound, it doesn't's called 'pulling one's weight'...and if he refuses either reconcil to having a Bum to support (is he worth it?) or re-think being married to him......good luck

    Source(s): 55 years of Life's hubby is the bread winner & I'm the house-spouse, and we run our marriage the way I've outlined above.
  • 1 decade ago

    I would never support a man. If you had children and he was staying home and taking care of them because you made more money than he did working, that would be one thing. But he's not. I'm not sure how he justifies not working, and I'm sorry he doesn't want a minimum wage job but that's how you start out sometimes, and if he is doing nothing to better his career prospects (going to college) than I would kick his butt out the door. We have all been in relationships, or many of us, where we were treated like crap, is this a reason to continue? Because he's not mean to you and "treats you so great" but yet you are supporting him and he is contributing nothing to the household. It's ridiculous. Oh except drinking and going out to eat with your hard earned money.

    How old is this guy? 17?

  • LeeH
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    What does he do with his time?

    My ex-husband had his own home business that barely required him to work. But his business brought him a paycheck so I felt like I couldn't say much even though he did NOTHING to help with the house etc. I still had to work, cook, clean, shop etc. and it made me so mad to come home and clean up after him.

    Now I wish I had pushed him to go out and get at least a part time job so I wasn't the only one struggling to keep up our lifestyle while he sat at home surfing porn all day. There is a reason he doesn't want to give up all his free time. You need to tell him to get a job. Period.

  • 1 decade ago

    If he doesn't want to live on an allowance the go get a job. It's that simple. You should of not of married him because of this. You are gone and he gets to party. Sounds like he knows he is taking advantage of you. Time to get the big lug off the couch and lay down some ground rules.

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  • 1 decade ago

    What is his reason or excuse for not working? I just ask because I would love to hear that!

    The consensus of answers is to give him an ultimatum to work or get out and I agree. You married a bum, a lazy worthless immature child who wants a mommy to take care of him not a wife to be a partner with. It is time for you to think about what you want. Do you want to raise a perpetual child or have a loving sharing life partner? The answer to that question will tell you what to do with your husband.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Tell him he has 2 months to get a job or get out. Don't give him any more allowance. He is a man, not a child. You married a loser. What if you had children and had to take off for maternity leave? Do yourself a favor and leave this guy.

  • 1 decade ago

    You went in this situation with your eyes wide open. In my opinion he is lazy! A real man would flip burgers or whatever to keep a happy home. Tell him to get off his butt and go to work or it is over.

    Unless you like taking care of a man! He may treat you better than the others but he is less than a man waiting around to be pampered like a princess.

  • Why would you want to be with a man that has no sense of self worth?

    That is the question you need to ask yourself.

    if a man doesn't work what does he do all day.

    Idle time for a grown man is dangerous.

    Get a job or get out!

  • 1 decade ago

    Of course he is going to be nice to you, you are his meal ticket. How can any woman respect a man that does not work? He is with you so that you can support him. Do you think that little of yourself that your standards for a man are this low? Sorry, but you seriously need therapy. This guy is downright using you and you cannot even see it. He sounds like a loser to me.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sorry, there is no excuse for anyone not working, he needs to get off his a$$ and get a FULL time job. You aer enabling him to be a useless worthless slob by giving him an allowance, what is he, your son or your husband?????

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