bubestic asked in HealthWomen's Health · 1 decade ago

married 4 6months&cant have sex wit my hubby bc am still a virgin&scared of sex bc pain can i get medical help?

i have being married for 6 months and cant make love to husband because am still a virgin and am afraid of sex,pls can i get a medical help at least to help me reduce the pain or stop it before i lose my marriage.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is not normal hon there is obviously something making you hold back (possibly psychological). Go see a gynecologist to make sure nothing is wrong with you physically and also a speak with a psychologist immediately, you are right this can wreck your marriage. You need to get over your fear and no one on yahoo answers can help you with that hon. Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You know for a fact you love your new husband, so my suggestion would be to take it slow and easy. We as women know how excited men can get, so it is up to us to slow things down. After you have ruled out any medical problems. Try to make sure that he gets you really warmed up in that area(if you know what I mean) and you really need to be relaxed mentally. Don't think about the possibility of pain, think about the pleasure you and he are about to share. Because it is a beautiful experience if both persons are in tune with each others needs. At first he might resist going slow, but he will thank you for it in the end. And one more thing, if in fact there is some mental barrier going on, don't look at as an invasion. This is a sharing between to loving people, God couldn't have made a better gift to share. Be Blessed.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    First, you should make sure this will actually work out between the two of you someday. If there is no chance of either of you moving EVER, then you should consider ending the relationship. If it is just that you are both in medical school, then definitely continue the relationship if everything else is fine. Now, it doesn't really sound like your gf is as involved in her religion as much as her parents. If so, talk to HER, and make sure she is ok with waiting to get married. Although her parents are pressuring the two of you, you have to do what is best for both of YOU, despite what her parents may say. Even so, be SURE to try to make amends with her parents. Talk with them, explain EVERYTHING about why you cannot get married RIGHT now, and make sure that they know you have every intention at this point of marrying their daughter when the timing IS right. If the two of you are ready, you could perhaps get engaged, which would probably ease all of your minds, her parents included. But just be sure NOT to rush into this just because her parents are telling you to. This is between the two of you and are your own decisions as a couple.

  • 1 decade ago

    Why are you so afraid of sex? sex plays a major part in any relationship. especially a marriage. Of course with you being a virgin it will be uncomfortable in the beginning., but you should relax. How do you know if there is pain if you haven't had sex? Is your husband a virgin too?

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  • 1 decade ago

    Who ever told you that sex was supposed to hurt? Where did you ever get the idea that there was some terrible pain involved? Whoever it was lied to you.

    If this has been going on for as long as 6 months, you must go to a psychologist or other mental health professional to help you to deal with your fears and get over this phobia.

    Good luck

    Source(s): Naturopath
  • 1 decade ago

    have you tried? or do you just assume its going to be an unbearable amount of pain? Use lubricant lots of it and give it another try. if you still can't (doctors can cut your hymen if its really thick). If yours is not thick make sure your wet then get some lubricant and tell him to go slow it'll hurt at first but its not that bad. It gets better, it will hurt the first few times but it gets much better. almost every girl has to go through this.

  • Kasha
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You need to educate yourself, the fact you think sex will hurt suggests that you really don’t understand your body or about sex, if old enough to get married then you are more than old enough to have taught yourself the basics about your anatomy and sex – obviously your parents didn’t tell you, or maybe they even taught negative ideas about sex keeping the subject secret as something only to be engaged in after marriage, who knows, but I do know there is no excuse for you not to educate yourself. There is nothing to be scared of, you are only scared because you have misconceptions about sex and do not understand it, education will help you a lot but it may also be worth seeing a counsellor. If you have gone your life thinking of sex in this negative light it will seriously effect your sex life, at best you’ll simply lead an unhappy sex life, but at worst your sex life could be damaging to your health and well-being.

    Sex should never be painful, the idea of sex hurting the first time is myth as although it can hurt that doesn't mean it will nor that you should tolerate pain rather than stop if it hurts. A virgins body isn't different to the body of someone who's had sex, the problem of pain comes when a girl isn't ready to take that step or when there's no understanding of changes her body has to go through before sex.

    Vagina's are amazing, they can handle a baby so can easily take a penis, giving birth can be painful but vagina's are designed so sex shouldn't be, when aroused it actually doubles in size, opens, lubricates and muscles relax so penetration is possible and pleasurable. People often say loosing your virginity is painful because the vagina needs to stretch, but if that was true sex would hurt every time as the vagina does stretch but it always goes back to the original size. Arousal prepares the vagina for sex to prevent pain, penetration isn't the main attraction but often virgins rush foreplay forgetting it's part of sex and can be more fun than penetration. Lubrication helps too if your not wet enough, it's not a replacement for good foreplay but part of safe sex and adds to pleasure, although you need to know your stuff as different lubes are for different things.

    I've said there's no difference between the body of a virgin and a non-virgin, that's not strictly true due to the hymen which is a thin layer of flesh partly covering the opening of the vagina in most girls. Your hymen can be broken before sex though masturbation or using tampons or cups, but if in tact sex can tore or stretch your hymen that can be painful, but it is just as likely to be pleasurable or have no feeling at all, it's different for everyone.

    Sex is a lot about emotions too, many girls have sex because low self-esteem means they think a guy won't love them otherwise or will get a bad reputation, as they aren't ready for sex they tense up so penetration is forced making it painful, this is true of virgins and non-virgins alike. It's also true that if you expect sex for the first time to be painful you will tense up making penetration difficult and painful. Know what you want and talk to your partner, if you don't tell a guy you're not ready or it hurts he can't be held responsible, demand good sex by telling him how you feel and what turns you on, enjoy whatever happens safe in the knoweldge that if it does hurt you can stop, no good guy would think badly of you for this and it won't be the end of the world.

    Sex is something you have to teach yourself about and you will spend your whole life learning, a good book on sex is Guide to Getting It On! By Goofy Foot Press also check out their web site http://www.goofyfootpress.com/ I'd recommend this article from a very good site called Scarleteen on the subject of painful sex 'From Ow! To Wow! Demystifying Painful Intercourse’ http://www.scarleteen.com/article/pink/from_ow_to_...

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am not trying to be crude, but have you let him finger you? this will help "loosen" you. not so much physically, but mentally. I really enjoy getting fingered before intercourse because it feels really good if he can do it right and it will help prepare you for the act. Just make sure he does it slow and gentle for you and you need to relax during the act. It may hurt a little the first time but it isn't really that painful, its just nerves mostly. Lots of foreplay will help you as well.

  • 1 decade ago

    Okay, you've asked this question or some form of it a lot of times.

  • 1 decade ago

    ok, it is going to hurt but sex is part of marriage it is one way to show that you love each other

    the more you prolong it and the more you think about it the worse it is going to be, the more you are going to freak yourself out in the head and you are not going to enjoy it...

    there might be some books out there, or you could go talk to your dr.

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