Inconsiderate family members?
I love family and love getting together at least one time a month with family members. I feel like it is one sided and that hurts. How do you get a CLOSE family member to realize you feel they are inconsiderate and hurtful when they make no effort with out sounding mean, selfish, or hurtful? Keep in mind that this person says time and time again that his priority is wife, kid, and job. Don't get the wrong impression because I absolutely agree that this is the way it should be, but do you just dismiss your original immediate family members. The excuse is that there is never any time. Well, we do not have time for much either, but we find the time. I also think that he has been so use to not having us close by for 6 years, and now that we have relocated 1 mile away I am not sure if he is just not use to it, or maybe there are other obstacles like his wife makes him so busy he doesn't realize it because she wants him 100% to herself. I can not accept the answer of "oh just move on and forget about them". I can not just forget about my only brother............
- 1 decade ago
OMG, I wish I had the perfect answer on this one for you! Truth is I have the same problem with my family members, everybody acts like it's my fault because I don't call them all the time, They don't take into consideration that I am always the one to call and they never even bother unless it's a family get together like a birthday! People can be real weird that way, but your less than a mile away from your brother, so there is no excuse on their half not to keep in touch do to being busy! I think your right, they just got use to not seeing you much, and now that they can the're not. I would just tell him to stop by one day, just him, no wife. I would just tell him that it hurts your feelings that he can't spare a few minutes for you. Maybe try to make som suggestions about how you guys can make time for eachother, even if it's running errands together and getting together for cookouts or pizza once every few weeks. Hope this helps and good luck : )
- PEGGY SLv 71 decade ago
Not everyone is clinging to their siblings or parents after marriage. They do have a lot to deal with.
Personally, once a month obligation is too much, however, I just drop by when I have a chance, and I actually see them more often. I try to make sure that we see them around major holidays for a get together, but that is about it.Our families have little in common, and I can talk to them on the phone or stop by and catch up in 30 minutes time without the awkwardness of having to make an excuse to leave when I am ready to go. That does not mean that I do not love them. It just means that our lives are going in different directions,which is perfectly normal, seeing as our talents, personalities, and jobs are so dissimilar.
Your brother may feel uncomfortable or your sister-in-law may feel uncomfortable since they have lived so far apart from you previously. maybe you should consider the fact that you might be intruding on their routine, and be a little less critical, and a little more understanding. Don't blame the wife, as she may have nothing to do with it. Your brother may be the one making these decisions, and you just don't realize it.
People change as they get older and settle down. I used to love to travel to visit my sister a couple of times a year. Now we talk every week, but I only see her once a year for Christmas. I just can not stand to travel any longer.My back hurts, and I feel miserable for days after a trip. My son live 10 minutes away, but I only visit him about once every few months. He mostly visits me, because he has dogs and I am allergic to them. We speak at least 3 times a week on the phone, however.
Just enjoy the time you get with him, and quit being so critical of others. Life is simpler and more peaceful that way.Source(s): 55 years old and learned what is really important in life.
- 1 decade ago
I would try to plan ahead of time together with them for family events. Leave the date and time as open as possible so they can fit it into their schedule.
Express the fact that this is important to you and give your reasons why without laying any blame on anyone.
Make sure your not excluding his wife. Take into consideration that 6 years is a long time. And people can change alot in this time. Do you still KNOW your brother or his wife? Take the time to get to know them again. Don't assume you know whats going on in there life.
And it could be something in your current or past lifestyle that they wish to avoid. Try to broach the topic with a open mind. Be willing to listen to what they have to say, and willing to compromise and maybe even change things in Your lifestyle to better fit into their reality.
Be willing to compromise!
Dont lay blame!
Find the solution, you already have the problem and thats not spending time together.
- UpwardLv 71 decade ago
From reading your question it sounds like your brother is aware of your feelings and desires for family togetherness. Plan something that would be fun once a month and invite your brother and his family. If they say no, don't push it. Next month try again. You are doing your part to keep siblings together. Remember...absence makes the heart grow fonder. No one can change another person; they have to do it themselves. Send him a thinking of you card occasionally but give him lots of space.
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- Anonymous5 years ago
you could try to kill them with kindness, but if they ditch you your husband should understand that you have done all you can to try to include them. if they decline and ditch it's their loss. you could invite them to maybe one or two things a year that way if they decline it's not like they would be doing it often. they most likely would start thinking and wonder why they arent being invited to anything and question you about it. once they would then you could explain to them how their ditching made you feel. another thing you could try is to confront them and say that you guys have been trying to include them so you can spend time with them, but you just don't get why they have been acting weird. ask them if there is some grudge they're holding in and to just get everything out in the open. if they still act stingy towards you, just tell your husband that you're sorry, but you've tried everything and that should mean more to him than you just giving up because you wouldnt be giving up, you would just be getting rid of a little more stress.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Maybe with time you can work in close again with your brother. You just moved by him recently so the six years away put some distance in the relationship and his life was molded a different way. Bare with him and just be a good sister. Dont talk about his wife around him because alot of times sisters do that. I know because mine does that and it bugs the hell out of me. good luck
- 1 decade ago
That's a tough question. Why not try calling Dr. Laura? Call her on her radio show, she takes tons of calls and I think she gives great advice or go to drlaura.com to contact her. She'll tell the honest truth and what you need to hear, not want to hear. It wouldn't hurt to give it a shot.
- 1 decade ago
Unfortunately you can only talk to him honestly. Write him a letter if you think that would help. Sometimes a letter shows that it is twice as important to you. Write it well and with lots of meaning. Let him know KINDLY how much he means to you and that you miss him. Try your best to compromise with him and ask if he can do that for you too. That is my best advice.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
some people prioritize relationships with family members and some don't it is not uncommon for men to follow the lead of females cause their penises leave them totally attached, its just how it is, now if I was you I would continue making the effort for one day he may wake up and realize its not so bad having his family close
- 1 decade ago
tell him all this by a email or answer machine...may he realizes but he so busy or made busy by his wife that he forgets...tell him all this i hope he understands .....best of luck