zed10096 asked in HealthMental Health · 1 decade ago

Is it wrong to blame a parent for how your were raised?

if you had an unhappy childhood and raised by a parent who also had an unhappy childhood and gave you the same problems they had is bad to be still angry as an adult? How do you resolve it? do you forgive them?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Consider this.Your parents are only human.They did the best job they knew how to do.Babies aren't born with an instruction manual.They got you this far in life and the rest is up to you.You have nothing to be angry about.Remember something.Your mother could have had an abortion and we wouldn't be having this discussion.

    Be grateful.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    what would be next, when you blame your parent?

    cause knowing that they are responsible is one thing.

    But repeating to them what they have done to you .

    What they had make you become.

    You would come to a point in which they would be the ones being abused.

    Forgiving is one thing, that help you live. Also because is you blame someone too much, that means you would blame your self with the same intensity if you do something wrong, so be careful.

    How can you respect someone that blames other with a great intensity and does not blame it self with the same.

    Also I am not saying that way they did was ok. or was something whatever from the past. That is why there are many museums from the holocaust, to give respect and not forget about the bad thing that where done to someone.

    I also believe that you would be an excellent parent, cause you see.

    Source(s): own experience.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    By thinking about it externally, it will always be the parent's fault. And also no matter how hard you can try, you can do nothing about it. So acceptance and real-internal-forgiveness of being just who you are is enough to take that negativity off.

    Anyways, deeply, it isnt your parents fault. Im sure they have try to raise you up even though they dont look like they are trying. Your parents are the victims too you know. Coz if they do know any other ways they would have done it already for the best of you and for the whole family but people usually get affected by negativity, like, fear, axnxiety, socially disturbed and so on and this stops other people from reaching up to their goals. But it is true that people internal self is heavier than others however we are all equally the same.

    Best thing you can do is to be present and accept that how things was is just is and that's how nature works.

    Resist nature and you will struggle more.

    All the best and hope for you the best in your path.

    - KR

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Perhaps your parent was raised in the same way as she/he has raised you, and knows no better. Yes, I think it's wrong to blame the parent, but clearly you have issues of your own now, and that's what you should concentrate on, so you don't end up doing the same to your future children. Yes, you should forgive, just the same way you would forgive a child for throwing toys. For yourself, you should seek counseling on how to prevent this from carrying over to your own future family.

    Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    well it does depend on to what extent did your parents make your childhood unhappy. I mean if they didnt pay enough attention to you then thats one thing. if they abused you thats a different story.

    thing to do is figure out how to forgive them and sounds silly but my therapist tells me (i had a horrible childhood) to always try really hard to listen to the inner kid inside and satisfy that kid whenever possible. example is as a kid i always wanted a purple room, so now i have a purple room. whenever i get childlike urges like ice cream or playing on a jungle gym i go for it. and it feels sooo good. do all the things you didnt get to do as a child. it will help. once i was able to figure that out it was alot easier to forgive my parents because i didnt feel like i missed out on much since i had been able to satisfy the child now. hope that makes sense. good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't thing that it's wrong to blame your parents.

    Our parents are responsible for our education. If your had an unhappy childhood is their fault too. You must forgive your parents and try to be a better father to your children - marry with a woman that had a happy childhood, it will help you to give happiness to your children.

  • 1 decade ago

    I know many friends of mine with this same problem. Forget this and forgive them too; I know it's not easy to do, but the most important thing should not be forgiving them, It'd be that "you make sure that you will not repeat it" and if that person has siblings too (bro/sis), then they should do the same too, so the next generation won't suffer with this problem. Yet, this could be taken as that, this is not worst, a lot of kids in this world see things that we can not imagine.

    Peace!

  • Laredo
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You left out an important detail; what type things did your parent do that makes you think you had an unhappy childhood? You can carry that crap in your head and walk around angry for the rest of your life. You can even use that as an excuse (not a reason) for every stupid thing you think and do, a crutch.

    You have grown out of your childhood so, by now, YOU are in control of your life, not your parent. Chances are your parent was doing the best they could with the knowledge and ability they had at the time. Parents are human too and they don't always get it right. I'll bet you don't get everything right either. None of us are perfect people living in a perfect world.

    You can choose to wallow in self-pity and anger for the rest of your life, lashing out at the world. In the end, nobody is going to like you, your marriage will eventually fail, your health will fail, and you'll die a wretched miserable failure.

    Forgiveness is a conscious choice and you forgive your parent, not for their benefit but for YOURS, so you can be set free from your prison of anger. Reach out to your parent, love them in spite of your "unhappy" childhood, and you'll be surprised what benefit you will receive for yourself. It will rid you of the guilt you carry because of unresolved issues.

    When I was 6 years old, my mother told me that she didn't want me when I was born and she didn't want me then. Imagine what trauma that did to an innocent child who asked for nothing but love and acceptance. I've been an adult for many years and my body still bears the scars of the beatings I suffered; one of which ruptured my right kidney and almost killed me. After I became an adult and left home, when I would return I got blinding migraines so bad I would vomit.

    When I left home at age 18, I took the power away from my mother to beat and knock me around. She still didn't give up because she ran all over the county gossiping and telling anyone who would listen what a bad girl I was. Finally, in order to hang onto my sanity, I took a job far from home and had no contact with my family for 2 years. To her, it was as if I had dropped off the face of the earth but my heart kept reaching toward home. I had two brothers and a sister that I wanted to see but couldn't because I knew they would tell where I was living.

    Finally, I decided to deal with it and I can tell you I cried rivers of tears while making that decision. I made a conscious choice to forgive my mother and I told God, "You know I hate her but if you will help me, I will love her for You because I don't have it in me to love her for myself." Things started to change; my heart, mind, soul, and spirit started reaching out to her. I went home, had a talk with her and told her that I forgave her for every mean and hurtful thing she had ever done to me. At that moment, with the help of God, I was set free and had peace for the first time in my entire life. It happens in phases, but if you want to be set free, I say FORGIVE and take it one day at a time. People will tell you that the Bible says "forgive and forget" but it DOES NOT. It only says, "Forgive others that you may be forgiven by your Father in Heaven." Let me explain that as best I can. When a mother has a baby she suffers pain but, because of her love and joy she forgets the pain. Now if she forgave and forgot because the baby caused her to suffer pain, she would not know she had a baby. You will remember your unhappy childhood but it will no longer control your feelings and you can move on with your life.

  • 1 decade ago

    well yes its wrong.. but what you want to do abbout it? it already happend...

    just make shure when you have kids just dont make the same mistake that your partents maked ( if they maked mistakes, i dont know how you got raised)

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