I'm often jealous and competitive with my friends. It's an awful feeling. Help!?
Even if I'm not interested in the person they're dating
or the job they have
or the activities they do,
I feel the drive to compete with them.
I act out of jealousy and insecurity so often.
I even think about abandoning my interests and goals (which change all the time anyway) so I can be better than they are!
This is really sickening to realize. How can I stop doing this?
- River66Lv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
First off, I don't think this is anything to beat yourself up over. Many of us have these same types of feelings at some time or another. It is really kind of just the way we are made. We are always interested in what we think will bring us the most satisfaction or pleasure in life, and that is what we pursue each and every moment whether we realize it or not.
Here are two really terrific videos that explain more about our desire to feel good and have contentment in life, and how we really feel about the other people we see in this world. I hope they might be able to offer you some insight into how you are feeling the way you are, and more importantly what you can choose to do about it.
I wish you well on your search for happiness in life and in finding all the answers to the questions you have! Best of wishes to you and thanks for such an honest question! Peace...River
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Well is a good start that u realize of this. Is a very good thing.
Now if u are a believer in God then pray and ask Him to purify ur heart
If u are not just then try to remember this all the time so u learn to stop this from ur self. The more u think about it, the easier it will be to refrain ur self from doing it. Set ur own goals in life and make a list of ur skills and virtues. Dont be harsh with u, just patient and be grateful because u have friends in the first place. Try to feel happy for them
I really hope u can overcome this otherwise u might compromise a lot in ur life and then u can even get physically ill
- 1 decade ago
Well this all comes down to low self esteem.
Your very conscious of what others have, compared to you, and you believe that that makes them better than you.
Try and stop focusing on them, and realize that YOU have things, qualities that others don't have, does this mean that you are better than them? NO. Everyone is different some people naturally are better at some things than others, some people have more money, some people have more friends. It doesn't mean anything, write a long list of all the things you are good at, and that is good about you ie, good at sport, have great hair, good dress sense - whatever, by doing this you are focusing on what's good about you and what you have got, you will soon start to see that you don't need to compete with others as you are already great!!!
Try and learn that yes, some people will have better things or be better than you at some things, that's life!!!
Figure out what you want for your life, go after it and feel good about achieving it.
- 1 decade ago
I had jealousy issues a few years ago - I'd be jealous of my best friend over the slightest things, and it was a result of low self-esteem. She played an instrument; I did not. She wrote better than I did. She drew well; I did not. She had lots of friends; I did not. Do you notice yourself putting yourself down? Maybe it's not conscious - you might contemplate being someone's friend, and you might say to yourself, "But why would they want -me-?"
Do things that make you feel good, and your self esteem will go up and the jealousy will fade away. Instead of envying your friends for having a good job or hobbies - go out and get your own. Figure out your perfect job, and the steps you would have to take to get there, and start taking those steps.
For example, let's say you want to become a vet - figure out what you'd want to do. Would you want to specialise in treating a certain animal? Work at certain hours? Be an independant vet, or part of a hospital? Or even work at the ASPCA or RSPCA? Then break it down. What college courses would you need to take? What colleges offer those courses? What requirements would you have to fill? What habits would you need to change in your every day life to get yourself to fill those requirements? If you think you can't do it, then you haven't broken it down into small enough steps.
Find something that makes you passionate, and pursue it. You will find yourself happier than they are, and content in yourself.
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- 1 decade ago
Its good that you truelly want to change because it really doesn't feel good to have a friend who competes with you rather than complement you. Try planning your life and sticking to your plans no matter what. You can start by doing short term planning such as what to have for lunch, what hairstyle to have such that whatever your friends decides to do or have will not affect you. Remember that your choices are not inferior to your friends'. All the best.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Just be happy with who you are. Think positive about yourself, you don't have to compete all the time. People will like you just for you.