Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicJokes & Riddles · 1 decade ago

Anyone ever write their spouse a letter?

1,,,,Dear Wife,

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

• 54 times the sheets were just cleaned

• 17 times it was too late

• 49 times you were too tired

• 20 times it was too hot

• 15 times you pretended to be sleep

• 22 times you had a headache

• 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

• 16 times you said you were too sore

• 12 times it was the wrong time of the month

• 19 times you had to get up early

• 9 times you said weren’t in the mood

• 7 times you were sunburned

• 6 times you were watching the late show

• 5 times you didn’t want to mess up your new hairdo

• 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

• 9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

• 6 times you just laid there

• 8 times you reminded me there’s a crack in the ceiling

• 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with

• 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

• 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

======================================...

KEEP READING…

======================================...

Dear Husband,

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn’t get more than you did:

• 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

• 36 times you did not come home at all

• 21 times you didn’t come with energy

• 33 times you came too soon

• 19 times you went soft before you got in

• 38 times you worked too late

• 10 times you got cramps in your toes

• 29 times you had to get up early to play golf

• 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls

• 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

• 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running

• 2 times you had a splinter in your finger

• 20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day

• 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book

• 98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

• The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

• I wasn’t talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, “Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?”

• The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

2....Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head.

She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and again she yelled:

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE!!?"

Then she heard a voice from far, far away:

"Hello! We're down here..."

(OK men is this true?)

3.....A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.

He's really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style.... it makes your nose look too short.

Hope you all had a great weekend...

12 Answers

Relevance
  • Favorite Answer

    what the heck,.I almost fell in my chair laughing my *** off..wheew you got me there..=>

  • 1 decade ago

    yds zat whast berry fuknngy.

    sorry for spelling mistake, all the brain cells are down there.

  • 1 decade ago

    LMAO!!! You always make me laugh. Thank you for that. The letters were scary, cause it was so close to home!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Like a married woman would ever ask " would you like me on my back or kneeling ? "

    Source(s): now THAT'S funny!
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    Those were Great... I never heard them before...

  • 1 decade ago

    Haha. I love those!! i have heard them before, but still love them!! :)

  • 1 decade ago

    hahahahaha LOL they are all very funny...thanks for the laugh :)

  • 1 decade ago

    lmfao very funny.

  • 1 decade ago

    :) ha ha ha hahhhh

    very funny

  • 1 decade ago

    ha ha ha they are really good

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.