Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

He's turned on by my past sexual experiences?

I have been with my fiance for 4 years now and we hope to get married, we're just waiting for him to secure his future by getting into medical school. I am the one who initiated the relationship with him, he had no interest in me but I convinced him to give me a chance and he eventually fell in love with me.

We had amazing sex in the beginning, for the first year we had sex almost 2 times a day (sometimes more often). He used to be into me, asking me to dress up in nice lingerie and high heels. Before we met he was addicted to porn, especially watching shemales with girls. he used to watch porn religiously, about an hour a day, spending all his money on it and hiding it from me. Eventually he dropped that habit and found his sexual satisfaction through me.

Over time, he began to ask me about my previous sexual experiences (I had sex twice before with 2 different guys). He wanted all the details, where we were, what I was wearing, the positions we used, and even the noises we made. I was honest and told him every detail. Then things changed, he began getting turned on by my past and asked me to describe the same stories to him over and over again while he had sex with me, pretending to be those guys. Sometimes he would regret it and get really angry with me, almost leaving me claiming I was a whore for what I did. The majority of the time, however, he loved the stories. Over time, he began telling me that he would have loved to be there, and would love to watch and participate (by helping the guy get his dick up and cleaning up for both of us at the end....I'm totally cool with him being bisexual because I am bisexual as well).

So anyways, this is the weirdest thing ever to me because he will never stop talking about my past. He gets angry that I am not a virgin but at the same time he loves what I did before I met him, and when he gets angry he tells me that I have no right to remind him that it turns him on. I am so confused, I am sick of talking about my past because I just regret it and I do not want to think about those other guys. I love my fiance and want to only be with him, I don't mind talking about any other fantasies except reliving my past, especially in the bedroom.

He has even asked me to contact those guys and have sex with them again so he can watch and perhaps participate as well. I never did contact them until this past summer when one of them found me and contacted me. My fiance forced me to have sex with him (but he himself was unable to be there) and then later on turned against me saying he didn't think I would do it. Now he is telling me he no longer loves me and perhaps will never marry me for what I did. At the same time, he calls me every night asking me to describe the sex we recently had and masturbates to that story.


Is there anyone who can relate to this story or has advice? I'm sure you can't relate to the entire thing, but being turned on by your loved one's past sexual experiences? I want to stop talking about it with him and explore new fantasies and also get him to be more turned on by me alone and not me with other people.

10 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I can't relate but I think you need to get this dude some major help or get out of this relationship. He is what *I* consider a true sex addict. I mean he went from been so deeply invested in the porn world and then turned all that porn energy onto you. I know I don't know this guy personally but he definitely sounds like a true sex addict and probably someone that has a love hate relationship with women. Because though most guys want to know about their lady's past, they don't want all the details and use her experiences against her in this way. Nor would they have this deceptive tug of war of love/hate going on. So unless you can get this guy to a therapist and pronto, you should totally call off the engagement. Because he is likely to hurt you and himself if he isn't careful with his thoughts and obessesions.

    P.S. Regardless if a guy/fiance or not suggest to you to have sex with an ex guy from your past. Never, ever do it. I mean you said you don't care about those guys yet, you still had sex with one that contacted you. That is never good for a relationship ever. Because essentially you cheated in a way and you also proved that if put under pressure a guy could get you to do anything. Sometimes you have to listen to your own values and standards more so than what a crazy fiance wants.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have to completely agree with that! TMI....there's just way too much information you gave him!

    I've been through that! He made my life miserable for quite some time. I of course had to learn to deal with it since it was I who opened my mouth!

    I would be a bit creeped out by his porn addiction! That is no good! If he gets turned on by the thought of you with other men, then I would say his mind is pretty deep into his perversion.

    I would think twice about marrying a guy like that. His sexual appetites will get worst in time and his fantasies will get more and more disgusting. Borderline sex addict? Ask yourself if you want that in a husband.....Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    The scenario you've explained is, frankly, really, really creepy. Maybe not so for others, but, I know how you feel, you are putting up with unbelievable things (stuff if people asked you five years ago, "would you put up with this ridiculously degrading situation?", you would say NO WAY).

    You deserve better. If you end up with an auto mechanic who adores children has a good family and is kind to animals you are better off, don't you think? But you are a wonderful girl, get yourself back and the future is all you want it to be. Rid yourself of this strange creature who has issues you are not prepared to deal with without losing yourself.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow. Your husband has hang-ups related to sex. This is an issue. Seriously. Be careful. If you love him, you need to get this straightened out, or you need to find more common ground. Fantasies aren't supposed to be fulfilled in the way you've done. Always, always, expectations trump experience.

    Good luck.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    Wow..that is really strange. I would say he is nuts. Having sex with other people for fun while in a relationship will only hurt the relationship. The marriage doesn't stand a chance.

  • 5 years ago

    He might not get over it , but to be honest he seems immature insecure and downright stupid , you aren't a slut that's a very low number , but one thing i have learnt when you are in a rship with someone new never be honest when it comes to how many you have slept with , it doesn't do anything positive or constructive for the relationship

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The guy has got serious trust issues it must be hard for him as well to ask you those things and get turned on and then feel bad that it turns him on and then he starts yelling at you to get rid of his guilt how about a bit of counselling to get to the bottom of the problem?

  • 1 decade ago

    Okay; What? I mean What? I am sorry but you asked him to give you a chance? That's mistake #1. . When you have a relationship with someone, it's a mutual agreement.

    Next: What? YOUR guy is gay. Not Bisexual, he's gay. I think his anger was not because you were with men in your past, he was jealous it wasn't him with them. I mean get real.

    I am very serious, you should write a novel...and send it to Jerry Springer.

  • 1 decade ago

    your relationship is not stable enough to bring in other men at this time. he wants to watch but then after the fact, he gets jealous. wait for the right time.

  • Bijou
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    when my husband and i got toghter we had ''the talk'', but never went into details...honestly he has to much information....i hope you know what and how and so forth with him....the past is the past..just love each other and move on..............good luck

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.