Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 1 decade ago

Should I not give something except card this year?

I'm considering getting a gift to a certain group of friends of mine who I've been friends w/ for a long time. I'm very generous and thoughtful in their x-mas presents, but their lack of enthusiasm has made me bitter...and b/c they haven't given me anything. I don't want something big and expensive. I don't even get a card...I would be ECSTATIC with a CARD! So, FIRST, what is my problem? SECOND, should I just not give this year?


Thanks for the advice, guys...really helping me a lot! Keep them coming!

4 Answers

  • Ashley
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Okay, first: What is your problem?

    Well, I think it's only natural to be disappointed when your acts of kindness or friendship aren't reciprocated. It makes you wonder if that person really cares about you or not. You may think, "Maybe I don't really mean that much to her?" There's nothing really "wrong" about feeling that way - after all, you can't control your feelings - but there are a couple other ways of looking at it that can make you feel better.

    The truth is, people have different ways of showing affection. Some people are big gift-givers. My grandma, for example; she wasn't a real affectionate person, but come Christmas, we'd get boxes and boxes of presents from her. That was her way of showing she loved us. My husband, on the other hand, is an old scrooge when it comes to gifts - he doesn't like giving them, and he could care less about getting them. (Bummer for me - I LOVE giving and getting presents!) But he'll spend hours of his own time doing favors for people and helping others. That's his way of showing he cares.

    Then there's my mom - she's all into the "card" thing. She sends cards for every occasion imaginable - birthdays, anniversaries, groundhog day, you name it. That's her way of showing that she's thinking of people. And when she doesn't get a card from someone on a special occasion, she feels sad - like they don't care. And I have to remind her - not everyone is a "card" person. It doesn't mean they don't care or don't think about her. They just show their affection in other ways.

    So my point is - if you give someone a gift, and they don't reciprocate, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care. It may be that they have a different way of expressing their feelings of friendship: giving you compliments, sharing intimate thoughts, doing you favors, or just spending time together. They just use a different "language" to show their feelings of friendship.

    So, Second: Should you just not give this year?

    Well, that's up to you. But if it makes you feel good to express your friendship in that way, then why not go ahead and do it? Even if you don't get a card or gift in return, take a look at the other things your friends do for you. Those things might be just as meaningful to you.

    Merry Christmas!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are all mixed up about gift giving, and it is making it uncomfortable for you. The idea should be that YOU give because YOU want to. And for no other reason. Expecting a gift in return is normal, but after the first or second time you should have learned, and being bitter about the whole thing is really wrong. You really have a choice. Give a card only and feel badly; give a gift and be resentful if you don't get one back; or just reevaluate your whole thought process on this. You seem to be going down a lose-lose road no matter what you do the way you are thinking.

    Maybe to help yourself, ask yourself WHY do you care if you get a card, or a gift at all? Obviously you could buy yourself anything you needed that they could afford to give you.

  • If they are your friends i think you should give them a cheap card just saying merry x-mas on it. Then at the bottom write a message and 'reply'. talk about how long you have been thinking about the cards and how you have spent alot of money on them... maybe they will feel different. maybe just buy them a chocolate. i hope i have helped you..probaly havent but i have tried

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    one time i got one of my friends the game guitar hero...they got me a shirt that was on sale at mens express. don't give anyone who isn't going to give the same consideration to you a good gift.

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