I am 42 yrs old, recently divorced and have been seeing and am completely in love with a 34 yr. old married women. She has no kids, been married a little over 4 years and is his 4th wife. We have been seeing each other for over 2 1/2 yrs and are dealing with the issues that come along with an affair - Guilt, distance, second guessing, etc.. My biggest problem is that I am positive she is the love of my life but she is having a hard time coming to terms with feeling she is in love with two people at the same time, me and her husband. I am so afraid if I walk away i will never find another like her but if I stay, I may have to wait forever. Advice from experienced adults needed without anyone telling me affairs are wrong, we are sinners etc.. I firmly beleive we can't help help who we fall in love with and I am in love with her. HELP!!

8 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    why wouldn't you want people to tell you that you're wrong??? because you are perhaps? cheating is unacceptable, no matter the circumstances... i'm not here to criticize you on that, although i will tell you that you're wrong on the whole "you can't help who you fall for" because out of the alot of things that love is, love is also a CHOICE! you CHOOSE to give in and let yourself fall for that person.. you CHOOSE to leave your spouse and be in love and have a life with that person, but then again what do i know?

    it seems to me like you have everything figured out... you're going to wait for this woman, who could be in love with two different men. I hope you can see through my words who REALLY is getting the short end of the stick... I wish you the best of luck on everything, but I really do think you're making a mistake. But you seem to be in it for all the right reasons... i wish you nothing but the best!

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time.. however, hon, it still doesn't help with the feelings and problems. I know you dont want to hear it's wrong but that's why the man upstairs made it wrong. You are traveling down an endless highway of nevers and pain while she is sliding on guilt, nevers and pain.

    I have learned that there are others out there and maybe they won't be perfect as she is but they can continue in a relationship where she cant. In the long run you will become bitter and hardened because you can't enjoy the holidays, vacations and family life she shares with her husband. You will begin to feel like the boy toy. A fill in, etc.

    Time to step away. If it meant to be then she will follow otherwise just wait and enjoy life till another love comes along

  • 1 decade ago

    I can relate to your situation. I have been married for over 6 years ago and four years ago I met someone else. The intentions at the beginning was not what it has turned out to be. We have been waiting and waiting for someone to make a move. We have no children either, but he has waited all this time for me.

    I have decided that in Jan I will leave and we will be together. You know when you find it, it is hard. The feelings you have, even with your other half is not fair. If you are both happy together then there is no reason to look for a reason not to be together.

    You never know what is in store for you. But what ever it is never let a situation that is beyond your control take over what makes you happy.

    Your right you can't help who you fall in love with. If you firmly believe it's love then the only thing to do is to be with each other. I also believe you can really and truely love only one person at a time. The other is not love it is the feelings you have and they are two different things.

  • 1 decade ago

    I completely agree with you and have been in a very similar situation. I am in love and have been in love with a person for over 3 years now. That person was very married when we first started dating. In fact, they are still married technically!! LOL I had to let my love go for a few months during the worst of it. However, we have been openly exclusive for over a year now. It is still very tough and I have to come to terms with the fact that it will probably never be "perfect". But hey, that's what makes our love stories so exciting!! As far as your situation, I think that at this point you will need to get some sort of commitment from her that she will leave and be with you once and for all. 2 1/2 yrs. of being in love with 2 people is too long. She will need to make a choice. Tell her not to be afraid of making a decision. I would give her an ultimatum and time limit. Say 6 mos. to figure it out. Please, for your sake, dig deep down and feel the pain if you have to for a bit. Always remember things will work themselves out for the best. Good Luck!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    If she is willing to cheat on her husband, who she supposedly loves, what will stop her from cheating on you too?

    Yes you can help who you fall in love with. If the person is married or in a relationship, you respect that and do not put yourself into the situation where you will fall in love.

    I have been cheated on and I kicked my ex out. He had an affair with a married women. She left her husband and my ex dropped her pretty much right after.

    You know how cheating is wrong, so why do it? Would you trust someone that has cheated in the past?

  • 1 decade ago

    Does it not give you any RED FLAG, that she was married less than 2 years and started cheating on her husband? If I were you, I'd leave this one ALONE and let her FIND her way out of the marriage <though remember, she claims to love you BOTH! -talk about "having your cake and eating it too!")

    Real love, the kind where you grow old together still in love isn't as rare as you might think, so if it is meant to be, it will be WITHOUT your influence FURTHER.



  • 1 decade ago

    why have 2nd best? she told you she is in love with her husband why settle for that when there are millions of women who are single in the world? maybe your one of those people who only want what you cant have! or like a Challenge? you sound like a nice enough geezer but i can only see you getting hurt, good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    if she cheated on him, how do you know she won't cheat on you?

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