Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Am I wasting my time on him? Please help!?

So, theres this guy.

I've known him for around half a year. When we first met he was crazy about me, but i didn't feel the same way and we drifted apart.

A month or so ago he seemed to come to my rescue when my best friend went into a phase of being so infatuated with his girlfriend that he neglected me. We got along really well and he revealed that he still had feelings for me. I ended up developing feelings for him too, and we started meeting up more and began cuddling a lot when we saw eachother and kissing a lot. It was really lovely, but what bothered me is that he still didnt want to be part of a relationship. He hadn't asked for us to become exclusive or anything, in spite of the fact that he spent a lot of time insisting he loved me and was crazy about me.

So today it got too much for me, especially when I was IMing him and his ex girlfriend was on his screen name and display picture, and I wasn't on there at all. I asked him why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet, and he said he didn't do well in relationships. He always says he hates thinking about the future and he doesn't want the security he used to crave so much in a relationship.

I asked him if staying single and having this 'thing' between us was what he really wanted, and he said he didn't know what he wanted. He said he didn't want to ask me to be his girlfriend because he was scared he would screw up what we have.

I told him I was really sorry for being so angry and arguementative and that I don't want to lose him and I really care about him. At this point he became blunt, replying to everything with just 'okay' or 'alright' while I was pouring my heart out. I asked if he was being so blunt because he was just busy, or because he felt uncomfortable talking. He said a bit of both.

Two hours later and I've just texted him asking if he wants to talk now, and he just said 'It's late and I have to be up in the morning. x'

This is horrible, we haven't argued since we first met months ago and I can't bear to lose him, but is there any real point in staying as we are when I know he doesn't even want a relationship?

I'm crazy about him, but I hate the lack of recognition I'm getting, and the fact that he isn't being very sensitive at all about how I feel about this.

He also keeps going on about sex. And every time I make a joke about sex he gets really happy and it always puts him in a good mood, when just me telling him how much I care doesn't cheer him up at all.

I told him today I didn't want to have sex unless we were in a relationship for at least a month. Partially because it's an insult to my intelligence to think I wouldn't expect to be tricked into bed, and partially because I promised my best friend I wouldn't before we fell out and I'm keeping loyal to my promise.



I forgot before, I don't know if it's significant. but when I first asked why he hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend, he said he thought I wanted to take things slow [as I did at the beginning, but it's been a month now]

but then it changed to him not being good at relationships..he seemed pretty sincere when he said he just didn't want to screw things up with us by getting into a relationship, but should I trust that?

I really don't know. He sounds to me like he might change his mind about a relationship, but I may have just screwed things up too much with this arguement anyway :(.

Update 2:

Well, when i finally got the balls to say i was annoyed about his ex being all over his IM, he said he hadn't noticed the display picture [he's hardly ever on it] and changed it to him and some other girl.

4 Answers

  • 1 decade ago

    You just said your miserable, if he really cared about you he would consider your feelings. Being in a one way relationship isn't fun and it will continue to bring you down. Put your self first and go out looking good, go to the mall a club something. We you look your best you feel your best so take your time getting ready. Then watch how many people give you a second look. Strike up a conversation with a stranger your attracted to. If nothing else you'll fell better about yourself and know that you don't need anyone who doesn't compliment your life.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It really depends on you. Are you willing to do everything you two usually do without the recognition of being his girlfriend. Most likely, not. It seems that all he wants is sex anyway and if that's the case then you need to step back. It doesn't seem like he is ready for anything but to jump in the sack.

  • BJ
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    He already told you how he felt, he does not want a relationship. Do not sit around and wait on him. Move on and find someone else. Atleast he is honest about it. He however sounds like he is just stringing you along to get sex. Thats probably all he wants and as long as you keep letting it happen the longer he will keep doing it to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    ya it kinda sounds like a waste of time.

    he isn't being clear, he is sending mixed signals.

    if you have been hangin out kissin and cuddling for more then a month and he hasn't asked you to be exclusive ... then I would move on.

    and why would he have his x g/f still on his IM friend list ... ?

    ON the other hand ... it sounds like you felt ignored when your bestfriend started spending all his time with his new girl, and you saying here that you "hate the lack of recognition I'm getting" ...

    maybe ... take this time to NOT DATE, and figure out what YOU really want out of life ...

    GOOD LUCK !!!

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