Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Entertainment & MusicPolls & Surveys · 1 decade ago

If a guy is abusive and you obey him will he stop?

If a guy is abusive and you obey him will he stop?

like lets say its the beggining of the relationship, he acts very jellous, wants to be with you ALL the time and controlls you. now if you obey him and stay indoors be with only him etc, will he stop? could he be abusive because your not giving him the attention he needs? im just curious here?

Update:

thank you doreen!! I will contact the number asap!! do they have shelters you can go to?? im in a rough situation and i have no where to go at the moment.. its 1 am here at the moment

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  • 1 decade ago
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    No. I think his behaviour will only get worse. This is because if you obey... You will have willingly given him the power to control you, and he will take advantage of that.

    It's not lack of attention that makes a person abusive... It's insecurity already present in his nature. It was in this person's nature before they got into the relationship, and it will be there after the relationship ends. The insecure nature will no doubt show itself in every romantic relationship this person has, unless he gets professional help.

    Control freaks are always insecure. At first the insecurity is because they haven't got whatever it is that they are seeking. Then once they have "it", the insecurity lies in their paranoia that they might lose "it". In the case of "it" being their lover. Their jealousy and abuse alienates their lover, and once they see they are pushing away that person, they become even more possessive in trying to hold on to what they are losing.

    If you're with such a person... Leave, but don't do so in haste. Have a plan. Have a place to go. Also before you leave, let your place of employment know that you are leaving an abusive relationship, so they can let their security team know to keep him off the workplace property. Also once you leave, immediately seek a restraining order. A lot of abusive rejected lovers turn into stalkers.

    If you have "no place to go"... See if there's a branch of Su Casa in your area. They are a non-profit organisation that deals exclusively with domestic violence victims of all sorts.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    There's absolutely no way the abuse will stop. By doing what he wants you're fuelling the abuse which has more chance of escalating than stopping.

    The root of jealousy is fear so he's obviously very worried he'll lose you unless he has you in his full control. Jealousy that that's bad at the start of a relationship is not a good sign. Typically, jealousy can escalate further into the relationship. This fear he has might a result of past relationship experiences or perhaps something you've done? I'm not saying its your fault but you may have given him legit reason for him to be jealous. If you haven't, then it's obviously his own insecurities and you shouldn't have to pay for them.

    Do not "obey" him because that will just increase the power imbalance in your relationship. If you want to stay with him, remind him that he's the only guy you want, but do not let his controlling behaviour to get worse. Trust and balance are two big things needed in a relationship.

    If he continues, show him the door.

    Source(s): Double degree Social Work Social Planning.
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  • 1 decade ago

    Let's see. I don't think it'll stop but only get worse.

    You see it's a vicious cycle:

    1. Flowers and Sunshine stage- things couldn't get any better

    2. Tensions- stage where some couples need to resolve some conflict can get both better or worse:

    better: the couple talks about the issues and decides whether or not to break up or stay together. This involves a lot of opening up and stuff.

    Worse: the man or woman (or something else, for same-sex couples) shuts down the argument and starts blaming the other party, making them unable to voice their thoughts and opinions. This can span a variety of topics one of them "control".

    With this stage breaking up is hard, because of the feeling of commitment to the relationship. Breaking up can even seem threatening if the dominant party seems abusive and dangerous.

    After this, the cycle continues. With the "bad" cycle going into the tensions stage more and more frequently.

    Source(s): I learned about this in Health/Driver's Ed.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    No. If he is abusive then he gets off on controlling you - so the more you let him control you the more he will continue to do it.

    Explain to him that you still need to go out and have your own interests seperate to him but ask him how he would like you to give him more attention. If he comes up with unreasonable demands such as wanting you to stay at home all the time tell him that you cannot do that and it is unreasonable. Perhaps come to a compromise - like you will try to spend one night on the weekend at home with him (a friday, saturday or sunday) just for the two of you.

    If he won't compromise and continues to be controlling get rid of him - you wanted a boyfriend not Hitler.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If this is your situation, GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW!

    Obeying an abusive boyfriend or husband (or girlfriend or wife) is unlikely to solve any problems. Once he knows he can control you, he will probably continue to do so. on the other hand, if you disobey him, he may get mad and abuse you again. It's a vicious cycle. Women in this situation should seek outside help. Anyone who thinks they might be in an abusive relationship can call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) to get help.

    Source(s): The National Domestic Violence Hotline website: http://www.ndvh.org
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  • 1 decade ago

    For the time being, he'll stop...and by that, I mean he won't order you again until he thinks you're breaking the rules...which he'll think every single time he's not with you.

    I'm not sure why people are abusive. But when people are abusive, YOU MUST LEAVE. You have to leave them, they will never actually stop being abusive!

    Please remember leaving an abusive person can make them more abusive. So make sure you are protected at all times!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm a gentleman schooled in the ancient ways of treating women. all my female friends have had those types of b/f's. seriously run, don't walk. guys like that tend to never change. RUN. it is unacceptable to treat women this way and if you allow it by obeying his actions will only be encouraged. so RUN away from his. cross that bridge then burn it down. Stand up for yourself in a safe environment. no one deserves to live life with that as your better half.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I really hope you're joking! No, he will not stop his abusive behavior. He has learned this behavior from someone and it is embedded in his thought process towards women. You should absolutely stop all contact with this guy/coward/jerk immediately before his obsession goes to far and you end up trapped from fear or in a body bag. I wish you luck and god bless you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    No, if you obey him you will just feed his controlling nature. If your in a relationship like this you need to get out now, while you still can.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think if the guy is abusive you should get some help and that if you obey him it will only make him stronger..

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