The answer to all of your questions is no.
Obedience is not based upon control, nor is it based upon fear.
I'm obedient I obey not out of fear, I obey because I have been given a task to do. I never obey because I want to please and appease. The way I look at it it's bogus to please and appease those who cannot do so for themselves. So, what I do is concentrate upon the task at hand; for example, my tasks consist of various things, such as typing, filing and that sort of thing; a sort to thing that never warrants fear. I have been told to file all of our important papers and bills, which I have obeyed. Now when we need a bill or an important bill I know just exactly where it is. The worse case scenario if I didn't listen I'd be asking for trouble all on my own; for instance not knowing where important papers are when they've been asked for may cause me to pull out my hair in utter frustration. I've also been told to retype "Giant Steps" because my husband, who loves to help people, feels he will have a need for it somewhere down the road. So, whenever I can I work on it. Again I say obedience is not based upon fear; just as it's not based upon control.
No one can obey the emotions, whims and thoughts of another; however, you may submit to them. The main goal of a submissive person is please and appease; many do not obey.
I know of woman, her husband told her right out he wanted her obedient; she fought him long and hard, after a series of beatings she finally submitted. Later on she still didn't want to obey him, and she didn't want to get beat any more, so she began making deals with him; deals he soon took advantage of.