Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Separted dating ex boyfriend?

Ok so I've been separated for 5 months, before hubby I had dated a guy for a year, we broke up both in the military went to different countries for awhile thats when i met my hubby. Once back ex boyfriend tried getting back together we were both 19, i was dumb stupid thought grass was greener on the other side pretty much shafted the ex boyfriend stayed with soon to be ex husband. Got married to him 2 years later, during this time still talked casual friendly with ex boyfriend. Over the years I've always thought about the what ifs....had a child with my husband 3 years ago, he didnt want a family, didnt "like kids" so we split up about 5 months ago since then got into contact with ex boyfriend, we've been talking and he came from across country for visits (twice already) and I'm going out there in a few weeks...Im so lost dont know what I'm doing....Just need guidance....BTW in 5 months have only seen ex husband once, to meet with daughter after about 30 minutes he said he had to get going...hes not really into the family thing....I think im in love with my exboyfriend but dont know if this is right or not, again sooooo confused...any suggestions?!?!?!?!

11 Answers

  • M S
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Sounds like you have already made a couple of mistakes--getting married to the wrong guy and having a child with someone who doesn't want kids. Don't jump into the thing with the ex too soon, finish the dirty work of ending your marriage, and yes, your ex needs ot pay child support unless and until the next hubby decides to adopt your darling daughter--none of this is her fault.

    On a brighter note, a high school friend was married to a cheating dog. He left her, and they got divorced. My friend got in touch with her ex, who had just gotten a divorce himself. They have been married for almost 25 years, so it was meant to be. If it is right, you will know it, and so will he. Take your time, as you are now a "package deal."

    Love can be lovelier the second time around.

    Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    I separated from my husband of 10 yrs partner of 15 years. We had both met after leaving behind 1st loves. A few months after we separated we reconnected with our exes. He moved along pretty quickly and now they are living together. My ex and I have taken it the opposite direction and moved very slowly. He has a son and I have two sons so we had the kids meet occasionally, we also have gone out to dinner and events just the two of us. On occasion we would stay over at each others place but our relationship has been platonic to date.

    Having been through divorce he understands that this is an emotional time for me and he is focused on being a support for me and the kids, even though we have strong feelings for each other (physically and emotionally.)

    Not that I see marriage in our future but I am trying to settle the separation before I even consider committing to any relationship and it would be wise for you to take time to rediscover your strengths, your boundaries your expectations of a relationship before you get involved with this man even though you know him somewhat.

    If he is truly interested he will not rush into things with you but give you some space to catch your breath, find your footing and have some space. Not to mention let your child adjust.

    All the best

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ex's have a comfortable thing about them, and easy to get back up with, but never forget that they are ex's for reasons that might be or not be valid at this point in your life. In your head, you need to go over all the reasons you really split up. I wouldn't use it as a way to get back, or justify the break up. I would level set on what made it bad.

    He might just be a rebound for you, being comfortable. If you know that, it's still okay, but be honest with your intentions. You might need to shift gears later on once you make that clear separation from your husband, and you feel that need to move on.

    So many people think that a relationship needs to proceed to marriage every time. Most of the time that is ideal, but some relationships just never get there, although people push them into something they are not. Maybe out of expectations from friends and family. Maybe just to keep proceeding. Best thing to do is just take it slowly with an ex.

    I went though the same thing with my wife, three times actually We broke up. Dated other people, but remained friends. Broke up with others, got back together, and broke up again. After so many times I myself knew she wasn't going anywhere in my life. Most of the problem was that we were constantly rebounding off each other, as we started as rebounders, both coming off long-term engagements when we met. That was our unique situation. It may not be yours.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your situation sounds a lot like what i went through except i didn't have a child. After leaving my ex husband, i was dating my ex boyfriend within two weeks. It was a comfort thing, but the feelings were still there and we dated for a while. He had some demons he was dealing with and that led to us breaking up, but i so would have loved to settled down with him. Hopefully your guy works out. Don't let the ex husband determine what you do. He doesn't want to man up. Follow your heart and think of what's best for you and your child.

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  • ScSpec
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    The mature thing to do when you are confused about what to do, is nothing. Just give it time and eventually your emotions will settle down and you will be better able to think clearly and make decisions. You have heard about rebound relationships, right? Well that is what it would be if you got attached to the ex, and rebounds seldom work out. Lots of people date too soon after divorce, they are needy and hurt and need reassurance that they are desirable. Once they regain their self-esteem they move on to someone who doesn't know what they went through. So give it time before committing.

  • 1 decade ago

    Take some time for you. Don't get involved with someone else right away...and 5 months isn't a very long time.

    Get some counseling, raise your child and work on you.

    If ex-BF is the one, he'll still be there down the road. And you will be a stronger person, a better mother and a better partner for whomever you allow into your life.

    Good luck.

  • 4 years ago

    Wow! This is a tough one and can't imagine all the stress, and the emotional pain u must be going thru at da moment. It's hard to say whether u shld believe the ex or not! I suggest u shld just follow what the little voices in your heart tell u. Also, u shld 'no that the ex could b so jealousy and there4 using lies just to upset u so that u "pull out". Gd thing is that u sound strong and if u truly love each and perfectly complete each other's "equation of love" then keep goin' and should consider "documenting your relationship" or may say marriage. Gd luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Go for it! You need to tread carefully because of your little girl, but obviously you don't have her Daddy to be concerned about. I know that's not good for your daughter but will make life so much easier for you. It sounds like you chose the wrong man in the first place & your still trying to justify that decision. You need to accept that you made the wrong choice, be grateful for at least getting your baby girl from him and move on. Trying just dating your ex, if you don't you will never know if are in love with him.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    The love my be there but you need to take some time out for you and your child. True Love will find it's way.

  • 1 decade ago

    Suggestion is to give it a chance. You need to find a man who is a family man and who will take care of you and your daughter with love in his heart, not resentment.

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